Enneagram Type Four and Enneagram Type Nine can occasionally appear similar, but are actually quite different. Fours are a Heart type, and are primarily concerned with finding someone who will see them in their woundedness. Nines are a Body type, and are focused especially on maintaining their own independence, which they achieve by avoiding causing trouble with other people.
Broadly speaking, both types tend to have a vivid inner life, though Fours generally entertain negative emotions and often play intense, tragic, tear-jerking scenarios in their minds to evoke certain feelings. On the contrary, Nines often become lost in vague and comforting ideas that they play again and again to be reassured that all is well.
Both types tend to be withdrawn, but in vastly different ways. Nines are withdrawn in the sense that they often suppress their own energy and agenda in order to avoid it colliding with that of others. As such, they appear accomodating and self-denying, though it is common knowledge that Nines generally employ a high degree of passive resistance to sabotage other people’s attempt at heralding change into their life. Still, their way of withdrawing their energy can make them appear (even to themselves) friendly and welcoming.
Fours, on the other hand, are withdrawn because they feel they don’t belong and are too broken to be understood. They tend to long for meaningful contact but at the same time despair of finding it. Their strategy is often of attracting people who will see them as suffering. Though they are often quiet, their emotional storminess at times of distress puts off others, whom they are usually not afraid of inconveniencing if it means letting them know how the Four truly feels.
Both Fours and Nines tend to have a hard time finding their “center”. Fours often struggle with their own identity (believing that they are the only ones with such problems) and generally end up playing up certain aspects of their inner life (especially negative traits or emotions) in an attempt to conjure up a stable identity. Nines also find it hard to have a defined identity, but more in the sense that they have few clearly set boundaries toward other people’s agendas and desires. They often end up flowing along with others (as long as the others also don’t rock the boat), something Fours find almost impossible to do.
Enneagram Type Four and Enneagram Type Eight are vastly different, though they do share some common values. Fours are a Heart type and are concerned with finding meaningful connections that will redeem them from their tragic sense of abandonment in an alien world. Eights are a Body type, and they are mavericks with a warrior-like streak who will do anything to survive and preserve their independence.
Both Eights and Fours highly value their individuality and their difference from others. Fours generally cultivate an image of being special and different as a consequence of their suffering. Their feeling of alienation from the ‘commoners’ usually contributes to their passivity and sense of vulnerability and their need of being rescued. Eights on the other hand feel like they have fought, survived and won and that this has made them stronger–but also that they need to constantly patrol every inch of their independence to avoid losing it.
Both types also value authenticity. Fours are on a quest for authentically expressing what they perceive to be their authentic self. They don’t like affectation and social niceties when these prevent them from acting the way they feel is appropriate. However, they also sometimes tend to place excessive emphasis of some of their inner experiences as opposed to others, so that paradoxically they end up appearing inauthentic.
Eights have a strong instinctive perception of truth and authenticity in others and often quickly call out their BS. For them, this is a way of deactivating potential sneak attacks. However, their unwillingness to accept that some truths are more complicated than others (thus escaping their nose) can sometimes make them appear unreasonable or even dense.
Fairness is a common theme to Fours and Eights. Fours feel that life is unfair to them because it has inflicted on them more than their fair share of pain. This may or may not be objectively true, but subconsciously Fours need to believe it in order to sustain their image of being different, which in turn leads to more pain, etc. Eights believe that the world is unfair and that they are up against it, almost superhero-style, fighting for themselves and for those who are too weak to defend themselves. However, the excess choler they put into their actions can make them behave unfairly or even cruelly at times.
Enneagram Type Four and Enneagram Type Seven are quite different from one another, and not easy to confuse. Fours are a Heart type whose main focus is on what’s missing and what they are lacking. Sevens are a Head type, and they are generally focused more on finding exciting ways to fill up their time to distract them from life’s unpleasant aspects.
In general, Fours tend to have a relatively pessimistic view of life, and especially of their own life. Sevens are not necessarily optimistic, but they do tend to seek distraction from the negative side of things, which they usually acknowledge only in their more sober moments.
Fours tend to see beauty in what they don’t have, which is the basis of their envy. Some Fours may not even know what it is that they feel they are missing, they just know they don’t have it. They tend to focus on the past (what is lost and unrecoverable). Sevens on the other hand have an anticipatory mindset (they are the “looking forward to” type), whereby they get hyped about new possibilities for enjoyment. Fours can also focus on the future, but they also often know from experience that when the future comes, if it comes at all, it is generally a letdown.
Experience
Fours and Sevens are also very different around people. Sevens are people magnets, even when they don’t want to be. Stuff just tends to happen around them. Fours are usually ill-at-ease around people, though they long for contact and meaningful relationships. Furthermore, Sevens generally don’t question people’s motives too much unless they are given reason to, whereas Fours often overinterpret people’s behavior around them as a negative reaction to them and as proof that they don’t belong and are misunderstood (note that Four’s overinterpretation is different from, say, a Six’s questioning of people’s motives).
It is not rare for both Fours and Sevens to appreciate peculiar experiences and have a marked aesthetic appreciation. Sevens tend to have a quick pace, and they usually “eat life” at a high speed. While they can have a small handful of favorite activities, they are generally on the go and will always incorporate new ones into their routine to avoid it getting stale. They also tend to be somewhat hedonistic and materialistic.
Fours, on the other hand, usually like to savor a more limited range of things and activities for a more protracted period of time, tend to have a slower pace and are less materialistic and more concentrated with depth, as they tend to have an almost spiritual dedication to their practices. This is not to say that Sevens are necessarily shallow (though less healthy Sevens certainly are). Many Sevens can extract all there is to extract from something in a very short time and then move on collecting new experiences. The moving on part is what Fours struggle with, as they often feel the need to create and recreate the same kind of experience to evoke certain (usually negative) feelings.
Enneagram Type Four and Enneagram Type Six share some similarities in spite of focusing on entirely different things. Fours are a Heart type, whose deep desire for authentic connection is only equaled by their feeling unable to find someone who will truly see them in their uniquely flawed nature. Sixes are a Head type, and their need to be reassured is equaled only by their inability to trust anything they or anyone else say.
Both types can have a generally negative view of the world. Fours believe themselves to be flawed and disadvantaged and feel that they don’t belong because they lack something other people have. Sixes are negative because they are used to questioning everything that is apparently good until they have managed to squeeze something that can be considered iffy or untrustworthy out of it, and see the world as a dangerous, or at least precarious place.
However, Fours are unapologetic in their pessimism, whereas Sixes may often try to tone it down or even suppress it in order to ingratiate themselves to others (they can even come off as upbeat) to build up friendships and alliances. In general, Sixes don’t like putting others off because they subconsciously don’t want to make enemies, whereas Fours generally don’t like behaving in a way that is not authentic to how they truly feel.
Indeed, the theme of authenticity is a leitmotif for both Fours and Sixes. Sixes want someone or something to explain reality to them in a way that leaves no place for doubt and fear, even if that means identifying threats or enemies (in fact, average Sixes love to be told who or what their enemy or threat is). One of their great fears is of being lied to, or of coming into contact with people who keep their real agenda secret to them. They also fear that people won’t tell them the truth to avoid hurting them, but because they have a very good nose, Sixes often can smell something is off.
Uncertainty
Average Fours do not so much fear lack of authenticity as they feel disdain for it, and are often unable to bring themselves to play socially accetaple roles if that means not being true to themselves.
Another similarity lies in the fact that both Fours and Sixes often feel a great deal of confusion within themselves. In spite of being a Head type, Sixes often come off as emotional and stormy. This is due to their lack of trust in their own judging ability, which sometimes leads them to drowning in a glass of water. Sixes would love to be told the clearcut truth, but as soon as they are presented with (one version of) it, they begin picking the black and white apart until a chaotic mess of shades of gray is left.
Fours also feel a great deal of confusion, but this is due more to their inability to pin their own personal identity down to a specific set of characteristics, because they always end up discovering a part of themselves that doesn’t fit any definition.
An important difference between the two types comes from the fact that Sixes tend to be sturdy, gregarious and friendly, whereas Fours are generally individualistic and delicate and experience great difficulties fitting in. Secretly, Fours may envy people who do fit in, but outwardly they often show contempt. On the other hand, Sixes may admire people who manage to stand out, but they generally deem it safer to fall back in line.
Enneagram Type Four and Enneagram Type Five are, on paper, extremely different, yet they end up sharing a number of similarities. Fours are a Heart type whose main focus is on what makes them uniquely deficient in life and on attracting someone who will see them and love them in their brokenness. Fives are a Head type, preoccupied with security and with trying to overcome their ineptitude in facing life’s unpredictability and problems.
Fives are on the quest for pure objectivity, completely devoid of the dross of personal belief, feeling, hopes and desires. Fours are possibly the most subjective type in the Enneagram, whose attention always goes to their particular emotional reaction to life.
Both Fours and Fives share an often deeply negative view of reality and have no problem facing the dark side of life. Both are individualistic and ‘odd’ by social standards and don’t care if what they do or say isn’t accepted or common. Fours tend to defy conventions because they are primarily concerned with being true to themselves, while Fives defy conventions because they derive pleasure from the iconoclastic process of disruption. Fours are primarily existentialists, Fives are primarily nihilists, though of course there is some overlap.
Both types interpret the theme of aloneness, albeit in different ways. Type Four represents the single heart, with its ability to feel, to explore emotions of all shades and to create worlds of great beauty and meaning, longing for someone or something. Type Five is the single mind, with its ability to think, to explore concepts of all degrees of subtlety and to erect magnificent cathedrals of philosophical thought, only to smash them to bits like a kid would a sand castle.
Individual
For both types it is extremely important to be given space for self-expression, both dislike canned views and highly value individualism and creativity, and both types find themselves by difference from the world around them: Fours feel they are uniquely flawed and are on a quest to find themselves, their identity and their meaning, Fives feel that they can’t count on anything or anyone but their own mind and are on a quest to crack open the ultimate secrets of life.
That being said, there are also a number of differences. Fives are rarely very expressive of their feelings (which doesn’t mean they don’t have them), unless they have worked a lot on themselves, and even then it is often a conscious exercise. Fours are naturally expressive and they are capable of great emotional honesty in all circumstances, even if it’s uncomfortable for others. On the other hand, Fives are naturally cool-headed and always cut through endless layers of emotional nonsense in one fell swoop to reach the logical core of any situation, while Fours can only do so by consciously learning to disengage from their emotional reactions when it is not helpful to cling to them.
Even the way the two types are self-oriented is different. Fours are self-oriented because they relate everything to their experience of life, their pain, their longings, their particular idiosyncrasies, etc. Fives are self-oriented because they relate everything to their own ability to analyze it, without automatically accepting what anyone else has to say about it.
Both types tend toward pessimism, but with different motivations and implications. Fours are pessimistic about themselves and their life, believing they are unlucky or broken or that they have messed up somehow. Fives tend to be cosmic pessimists, that is, they observe the nature of things in a pessimistic or nihilistic light.
Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Four are quite different from one another, and don’t have much in common. Both are Heart types and are concerned with recognition: Threes seek to emerge and be outstanding according to the standards they have internalized, while Fours feel they can’t compare with others and seek to attract a special someone who will rescue them from their misery.
Even on the surface the two types project very different images. Threes have the aura of the winner about them, they are usually at ease in social settings and are focused on good performance. Fours are quiet and melancholic, they easily feel out of place or wrong and are focused on emotional depth and being true to themselves.
Of course, because Threes are so versatile, they can end up looking like other types, especially if we define the types narrowly, like “Fours are artists”. However, Threes are always interested in achieving and doing, including in the artistic world, whereas Fours care very little about performance if it comes at the expense of their ability to explore their inner world. In this, a Three is likely to behave in a shallower, but also more practical manner.
Competition
In general, Fours are at ease in the world of their emotions, and the darker, the better, whereas Threes tend to see emotions as a waste of time to be dealt with either quickly or later. Furthermore, Fours are usually quite pessimistic about themselves and their chances, and they tend to pine about some wasted opportunity or lost happiness, while Threes are pragmatic go-getters who create opportunities and have a high degree of confidence in their abilities and chances.
Threes focus on what’s appropriate, Fours on what’s real, Threes win others over, Fours withdraw in hopes of being sought, Threes feel superior, Fours feel inferior, Threes want to be envied, Fours envy, Threes are conventional, Fours are authentic and so on. Both types can be competitive, Threes because they have been taught to adapt to a standard of excellence, Four because they have a strongly comparative mindset (“You have what I will always lack”) but Threes feel they can beat the competition, while Fours often feel they are doomed to lose.
Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Four share one great similarity: that of being the most emotionally intense types of the Enneagram. Otherwise, they are starkly different, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Twos grow at Four, Fours stress at Two. Both are Heart types, concerned with recognition. Twos seek it by taking care of others in order to be seen as loveable and important, while Fours by playing Sleeping Beauty to attract a Prince(ess) Charming with their tragic and beautiful story.
As said, both Twos and Fours are extremely emotional and place great importance on feelings and on emotional connection. Twos tend to have a positive outlook and are usually cheerful, and are generally the rescuers. They chase the other, arms held wide open, and are incredibly good at persuading them to abandon themselves to the embrace of love.
Emotion
By contrast, Fours are much more familiar with the darker side of their psyche. Being the Eeyore’s of the Enneagram, they mope, pine and hold aloof in other people’s presence. Furthermore, because they envy other people’s ease in life, even average Fours may have a mean streak, as they usually feel unjustly victimized by life and therefore pushed either into the role of the rescued princess or that of the tragic villain (see Jago in Shakespeare’s Othello, Salieri in Amadeus or even Satan in Paradise Lost)
Interpersonal connectivity is incredibly important to both types, but with different results. Twos find it easy to connect with others and immediately “merge” with them. Fours would love to find someone to merge with, but find that they are deficient in something and this deficiency prevents them from being seen, understood, loved. Ultimately, Twos are quite at ease in the world, Fours definitely aren’t. Twos relate easily to others, Fours find it almost impossible. Twos are horrified at the prospect of loneliness, Fours are resigned to it.
Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Four are almost nothing alike, so much so that they represent the arrow each of the other (Four grows at One, One stresses at Four). Ones are a Body type and are concerned with acting rightly in order to justify their existence as autonomous beings, while Fours are a Heart type and focus on what they are missing that would allow them to be happy.
Both Ones and Fours usually have a somewhat negative view of the world. However, Ones see the world as something to redeem, while Fours see the world as something they long to be redeemed from. For a One, most things are imperfect and require their guidance and action in order to be straightened out; for a Four, the world is a place of exile, and the best they can do is either to tolerate the pain or to wait for someone to rescue them.
Both Ones and Fours can focus on what they are missing or lacking, but in different ways: Ones feel that they are falling short of an objective ideal, and this spurs them into action, while Fours feel they are missing something more existential, and this lack (which they may not even be able to put a word to) singles them out as tragic victims.
Longing
Ones are usually objective, rational and somewhat impersonal, and as such there is a sobriety in them that is missing in Fours. They deal in terms of facts, albeit facts colored by their value judgements, and tend to be practical. They are extremely organized, dependable, tidy and usually try to take themselves out of the equation when judging a situation.
None of this is true of Fours. Fours relate everything to themselves, put great value on their subjective reactions and feelings and whatever schedule they try to submit themselves to is almost sure to be disrupted by their need to withdraw from objective reality to take an aromatic bath in some mix of dark emotions they’ve saved for a special occasion. Furthermore, Fours may feel that rules are unimportant or beneath them, because they fail to capture the essence of their life. Indeed, one of the reasons Four grows at One is that they learn to be more principled and consistent.
On the other hand, there is an interpersonal component in Fours that is almost completely absent from Ones. Fours feel rejected by the world and envy others, but they also long to be rescued from this state by the right people who will relate to them in a special way. Ones, of course, long for relationships like most other human beings, but their primary focus is on changing themselves and the world so that everything is as it should be.
Enneagram Type Four, sometimes called the Individualist, belongs to the Heart triad. Those of this Enneatype generally feel a strong sense of deficiency compared to other people, and tend to recast this sensation of lack by perceiving themselves as special or unique. They have a complicated relationship with others, as they both feel a powerful need to belong, be seen and find deep and meaningful connections, while also feeling that they can never truly form such relationships. Because of their focus on their own deficiencies, they tend to be well-acquainted with the negative side of life.
Enneagram Type Four
Enneatype Four Grows: Move to One
Average Fours have a very diffuse sense of agency. Sometimes Fours feel like a cruel destiny has doomed them to a life of suffering, and the best they can do is bear this burden with artistic grace by exploring their inner landscapes. This is, of course, nonsense, just like all other Enneagram mechanisms. Still, it is not uncommon for average Fours to be incredibily mopey and defeated even in conditions that others would consider relatively normal, if not optimal.
The path out of this mechanism lies in giving up their habit of navel-gazing and actually planning their way to self-actualization. It happens often that aging Fours often pine over lost opportunities (If I just hadn’t quit those piano lessons) because all paths to success usually involve the kind of drudgery that Fours feel they are too sensitive or special to persevere in. This can lead to Fours feeling that they have wasted their life, which only reinforces their sense of being doomed.
If they give themselves a roadmap, though, Fours can become more principled and disciplined, like healthy Ones. Ennatype One is known for their ability to stick to plans and principles for dear life. Furthermore, Ones tend to put their own feelings on the backburner to take a hard look at how things truly areand how they can be concretely improved, and this attitude certainly benefits self-absorbed, feeling-oriented Fours.
In integrating One into their life, Fours learn to balance themselves and to see and perceive the whole spectrum of feelings, not just the negative ones, and learn that the positive side of life is just as authentic as the negative one.
Equanimity, the Virtue of Enneagram Type Four
Enneatype Four Under Stress: Move to Two
Fours are one of the most self-centered Enneatypes, not necessarily because they are egotistic, but because they relate everything to themselves and measure themselves against others and others against themselves. This is where their passion of Envy comes from. For a Four, life is like being on one dish of a pair of scales, with others on the other dish, and one dish cannot go up without the other going down.
This complicated relationship with other people results in a typical push-and-pull behavior which expresses the unresolved tension within the Four’s mechanism: others are both the object of desire and of spite. Furthermore, Fours usually see themselves as more authentic than others because of their acquaintance with their inner darkness and their sense of loss and grief, and this often causes them to want to show their own authenticity in front of others, without regard for proper time and place. Unhealthy Fours may even rub salt in people’s emotional wounds (which Fours are very good at sensing) both to make them feel what “real life” feels like and to make themselves feel a bit better by comparison.
When this inevitably leads to people becoming stressed out about their behavior, Fours are suddenly reminded that, ultimately, their own sense of self is highly dependent on others (as for all Heart types). In an effort to patch things up, the stressed Four abandons all emotional honesty and becomes clingy, unctuous and pleasing, like average to unhealthy Twos. Like Twos, they feel that they can only find meaning in the eyes of someone else and become accomodating to a fault.
Often Known As: Individualist, Romantic, Melancholic, Artist (note that names are as limiting as they are revealing.) Sin/Passion: Envy Focus: on what’s missing and what they are missing Fear: that they’ll never be someone because they lack what it takes Energy Center: Heart (energy is transformed) Social Stance: Withdrawing Key Positive Traits (Embodied at their best): Quiet, Reflective, Sensitive, Intimate, Poetic, Compassionate, Authentic, Original, Bittersweet, A lover of beauty, Expressive, Elegant, Imaginative, A connoisseur of emotions and states of being, Individualistic, True to self, Complex, Deep, Empathetic Key Negative Traits (Embodied at their worst): Envious, Spiteful, Ill-wishing, Moody, Exaggerating, Egotistical, Unstable, Negative, Mopey, Pining, Despairing, Finding solace in others’ suffering, Given to Schadenfreude and to pouring salt in others’ wounds, Melodramatic, Fastidious, The only one who knows what suffering means Growth and Stress Directions: to One and Two respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Four highlighted
Introduction
It is hard to introduce Enneagram Type Four by presenting general traits, as Fours are a varied lot. Perhaps the most common thing you’ll see in a Four is their look of deep suffering, as though they have just come out of the shock of receiving some terrible news, or as if they are longing for the breath of fresh air that is going to anchor them to life. They often give off the image of someone who has lost something or someone important and is waiting for rescue.
Melancholy is a word that gets thrown around a lot with Fours, and for good reason. Fours are the most willing to delve into negative feelings. If a situation is not at least bittersweet, then it is shallow and unreal. For Fours, discovering themselves and their own complexity and seeing the tragic and poetic aspect of life is the same thing. They are often capable of great empathy with others’ suffering exactly for this reason.
Often attracted by beauty and by ideas of balance, equipoise and elegance, Fours tend to have an aesthetic approach to life, being disdainful of anything that they perceive as ordinary. In personal relationships they prefer deep, special bonds where they feel profoundly seen and understood, but they also tend to feel incredibly hurt when someone misunderstands them, which with Fours is a very easy thing to do, as they themselves often can’t put into words what they are about, peferring individual instances of self-expression to general definitions.
The melancholic cat, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Four
Core Mechanism
Fours are deeply focused on their sense of being defective in one way or another. “Something’s missing…” is their inner catchphrase. They feel that they alone have been singled out by life, fate or the universe to be a catalyst of misfortune.
The main area where they feel their deficiency is their inner self. Everyone else, life at large in fact, seems to “have it together” while Fours often struggle with their identity and their own path. Often, Fours scour their past in search of the incidents that have left them scarred or wounded as a way of tracing their current situation back to a mythical source, from which they can finally find their true path.
Initially this may be done in an attempt to heal, but it quickly turns into an exaggeration of the wound’s importance, to the point where Fours become identified with whatever negative experiences they have gone through–or, sometimes, even with whatever positive experience they manage to interpret negatively.
Because they are so unsure about themselves and their place, Fours tend to see the world as a negative place from which they wish to be rescued. They tend to hold out for a deep, meaningful connection with someone special who will see their specialness. In fact, even in their everyday life, Fours tend to romanticize the relationships they have, which of course creates the potential for disappointment.
Another way Fours cope with their condition, in addition to needing deep relationships, is to fantasize about better futures, alternative presents and lost pasts. This does not help them get out of their predicament, but in fact feeds their mechanism of feeling lost, which in turn makes them long more.
Passion
Four’s passion is Envy. Even etymologically, the word “envy” is connected with the sense of sight, as the latin word invidia means “the act of staring in an ill-wishing manner.” Envy is structually connected with what we see in others that we feel we lack or have been unfairly deprived of. It’s a gnawing sensation that the good things that happen to others are more undeserved than one’s current unhappiness.
Fours are deeply envious of others, but sometimes they don’t even know what it is that they are envying (often they don’t even realize they are envious). There may be obvious targets, but usually, behind it all, what Fours envy in others is a certain quality of “being-there-just-so”, the sense that others perfectly fit within the great scheme of things, while Fours have been deprived of this and have been somehow doomed to unhappiness.
Shakespeare’s Jago is the perfect embodiment of this idea, as he feels himself lost, uses this feeling to fuel his envy of Othello, which in turn reinforces his feeling of being doomed. Jago sees the ease, authenticity and naturalness of Othello’s behavior and overinterprets it, seeing all kinds of meaning behind it. In the same way, a Four sees the ease, authenticity and naturalness displayed by other people and comes to the conclusion that the cosmic mechanism is stacked against them and they can never achieve this ease.
Ultimately, a Four’s envy is broadly directed at what makes other people “normal”, and this may seem weird at first, as Fours tend to take pride in what makes them abnormal. But keep in mind that this emphasis on being unique is really a coping mechanism for the sense of desolation that Fours experience from not finding their identity and therefore a place for such identity (you can’t find a place for something if you don’t know what it is).
Envy, the passion of Enneagram Type Four
Misconceptions
A typical misconception is that Fours are all artists and that all artists are Fours. This is patently untrue. While it is true that Fours have a certain aesthetic approach to life, this can manifest in so many ways that reducing it to becoming artists would be silly. Just like being depressed doesn’t make you a Four, neither does being an artist.
In reality, a Four’s interests will depend on their background, education and personal outlook, among other factors. Furthermore, any type can yield great artists, though the art they produce can and often is influenced by their type.
Another misconception has surfaced in recent years, mostly due to the popularization of the Enneagram over the internet, and that’s the idea that Fours tend to suck the air out of a room as soon as they come in. This stereotype did not exist in the older literature, and has only come about due to the romanticization of this type in certain corners of the internet.
As a matter of fact, Four is among the types that are least likely to do something like this. It is much more likely that a Four will sulk in a corner looking mysterious and hoping to attract the attention of someone, so that they’ll finally be approached and asked if anything is wrong. While Fours can throw hissy fits, it is usually when they feel that they are being misunderstood or not seen for who they feel they are, or when they believe their feelings are being slighted.
Being somewhat like Baudelaire’s albatross, Fours may even resent the ease with which more outgoing and carefree people win over others and create meaningful connections.
Wings
4w3: Fours with a Three wing are usually somewhat more upbeat and image-conscious. They are the Dorian Gray’s of the Enneagram, with an intuitively aesthetic understanding of life, relationships and most other fields. Usually more outgoing than the other wing, their sense of uniqueness is a bit more conventional and dictated in part by considerations about social worth. Often impeccable in presentation and a tad more sensual.
4w5: usually, Fours who have a Five wing tend to have an intellectual, cerebral streak. They also tend to withdraw with greater determination from others and are usually interested in exploring themselves, their experience and their feelings from a more systematic angle. They are often philosophical and love thinking of themselves as deep. They dislike following as much as leading. However, they still retain the need for deep, meaningful and authentic relationships, although they can become despairing of ever finding any.
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
