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Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Three and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Seven can on occasion be lookalikes, so distinguishing them may be treaky. Threes are a Heart type, and seek recognition for their (real or perceived) merits and for their excellence. Sevens are a Head type, concerned with achieving security by filling their life with distractions and exciting projects.

Let us never forget that the quest for recognition is part of our human makeup: it is how we work as social beings, regardless of our Enneagram Type. The same can be said for security and for looking out for exciting new things. Everyone needs security.

Threes, though, are essentially social in their psychological framework, even when they are introverted, simply because their usual way of acting is aimed at meeting criteria that have been set up for them by society or family. Thus, their actions and plans always imply the presence of other people, even when those people are not there. Sevens, on the other hand, may very well attract colorful and interesting people due to how they behave and may enjoy their praises, but they are ultimately interested in filling their lives with novelty and excitement to avoid looking at what they fear or causes them pain.

Threes are status-seekers, Sevens are pleasure-seekers. Sevens tend to have a strong materialistic streak and find comfort in owning stuff. Of course, they often want the cool new stuff, and coolness is generally a socially defined concept, but the comfort this stuff gives them is that they can use it to fill their lives with thrills and stimulations. Threes, on the other hand, want to be praised more than anything else. Of course, in our society, praise is often linked to the ability to have material possessions (prizes, wealth, etc.) but for Threes stuff matters mostly for what it means for their status.

Action

Both Threes and Sevens can be very hard and efficient workers. Sevens usually need more clearly to be in a line of work that stimulates them, but lacking this, they can put up with a job they don’t like that will allow them to fuel their extravance. Ultimately, their fear is of finding themselves in a situation of scarcity and being left without options, alone with their pain and a sneaking sense of void, meaninglessness and gloom. Threes tend to pursue paths that they deem themselves good at. Of course, if they like the path, all the better, but Threes can go down career paths they despise as long as they can stand out and gain approval. Their fear is mainly that of failure.

Both Threes and Sevens can have a grandiose sense of self. In Sevens, this is due to their disconnection (momentary or permanent) from the negative side of life, which often lauches them into phases of mania where they can become dangerously foolhardy and have unrealistic feelings of invincibility. Average Threes are grandiose about their sense of self, which is almost the sole reason, together with social or familial conditioning, why they get into careers or other life paths even if they don’t particularly like them, simply because they are looking for something that will give them a recognition they deem adequate to their view of themselves.

Ultimately, the grandiosity of an average Three does not blind them to reality, but merely fuels their plans, while the grandiosity of a Seven tends pravail in particularly unbalanced phases of their life and can cause them to make grave blunders (again, it is like a mania).

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Three and Type Five

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Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Five are quite different and are not easily mistaken. Threes are a Heart type, whose main preoccupation is recognition of their merits and outstanding qualities. Fives are a Head type, and they focus on security, which they achieve by withdrawing from the world and identifying with their intellectual prowess.

Threes are usually driven, adaptable and outgoing, while Fives tend to be withdrawn, aloof and preoccupied solely with what’s between their ears. While many Threes may seek recognition in whatever field they have a shot at succeeding in, Fives rarely care about social approval and in fact may go out of their way to defend outlandish ideas to scandalize their peers.

This paradoxically makes Threes better fits for places like the academia, since they are more likely to be performance-oriented, adhere to social conventions and run with the Zeitgeist rather than against it. On the other hand, Fives tend to be more original and deep, almost deriving pride from how offbeat and weird their ideas may sound, sometimes to the detriment of clarity.

Mind

Socially, the two types couldn’t be more distant. Even more reserved Threes are generally good at reading social cues and put a good deal of thought into making a good impression or being appropriate, while Fives tend to dislike people and their expectations, so much so that they seek to reduce their expectations toward people as a way to avoid having expectations placed on them. What many Fives fail to understand is that expectations are a natural part of our social existence, so while blind compliance is not necessarily good, there is something important about social interactions that Threes understand on an intuitive level and from which Fives may learn.

Both Threes and Fives have a hard time processing their emotions. Both see them as distractions: Threes see them as distractions from working on success, while Fives see them as distractions from a clear and objective view of reality. However, Threes usually display emotions in social contexts if it seems like the appropriate thing to do, while Fives generally remain aloof. In general, there is a “See? I’m hitting all the right notes!” attitude to Threes and a “Let’s get this over with quickly so I can go back to my own thing” attitude to Fives.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Three and Type Four

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Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Four are quite different from one another, and don’t have much in common. Both are Heart types and are concerned with recognition: Threes seek to emerge and be outstanding according to the standards they have internalized, while Fours feel they can’t compare with others and seek to attract a special someone who will rescue them from their misery.

Even on the surface the two types project very different images. Threes have the aura of the winner about them, they are usually at ease in social settings and are focused on good performance. Fours are quiet and melancholic, they easily feel out of place or wrong and are focused on emotional depth and being true to themselves.

Of course, because Threes are so versatile, they can end up looking like other types, especially if we define the types narrowly, like “Fours are artists”. However, Threes are always interested in achieving and doing, including in the artistic world, whereas Fours care very little about performance if it comes at the expense of their ability to explore their inner world. In this, a Three is likely to behave in a shallower, but also more practical manner.

Competition

In general, Fours are at ease in the world of their emotions, and the darker, the better, whereas Threes tend to see emotions as a waste of time to be dealt with either quickly or later. Furthermore, Fours are usually quite pessimistic about themselves and their chances, and they tend to pine about some wasted opportunity or lost happiness, while Threes are pragmatic go-getters who create opportunities and have a high degree of confidence in their abilities and chances.

Threes focus on what’s appropriate, Fours on what’s real, Threes win others over, Fours withdraw in hopes of being sought, Threes feel superior, Fours feel inferior, Threes want to be envied, Fours envy, Threes are conventional, Fours are authentic and so on. Both types can be competitive, Threes because they have been taught to adapt to a standard of excellence, Four because they have a strongly comparative mindset (“You have what I will always lack”) but Threes feel they can beat the competition, while Fours often feel they are doomed to lose.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Eight

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Eight are quite different, but they do have some similarities, and they are each the arrow of the other: Eights grow at Two, Twos stress at Eight. Twos are a Heart type and want to find a place for themselves in another person’s life in order to be appreciated by them. Eights want autonomy, which they achieve by asserting themselves and pushing through others’ resistance. On paper, these two types should be opposite, but this is not always the case.

Both types assert the energy of their center: Twos assert emotional energy and Eights assert bodily energy. Twos assert themselves on others by connecting so tightly with them that they almost merge together while taking care of them. They are generally sweet, caring, friendly. However, if they feel that the other doesn’t appreciate them enough, they may resort to more authoritarian methods of getting the other’s attention.

Eights assert themselves more straightforwardly. They usually force others to deal with them and they are always ready to power through their opposition. Note that Eights aren’t necessarily aggressive, just as Twos aren’t necessarily docile. Once we had an Eight friend of ours over for dinner together with other people, and he sat in such a manner that he was the one who had to pass the various bowls and bottles to everyone. He was very liberal in giving people what they wanted, but he (subconsciously) wanted to be the one in control of giving it to them.

Willpower

In short, both Eights and Twos like to be in control of the situation, and especially they like being in control of other people. Twos are more subtle, which is why average to unhealthy Twos are known as the manipulators of the Enneagram, as when they do not get what they want from others they can easly guilt trip them by listing off all they’ve done for them and how little they’ve received in return. This is not necessarily a calculated move on the Two’s part: many times, average and even somewhat healthy Twos have difficulty seeing when they feel slighted or wronged, as they are typically more focused on making the other person happy, so they brush it off, but a part of them files the incident away in its undigested form, which means it is bound to resurface later.

Eights, on the other hand, know immediately when the other person has crossed the line and have no trouble at all letting them know. Furthermore, Eights know they have an agenda and are ready to steamroll any opposition to achieve it, as opposed to average Twos who may actually be convinced they have no personal horse in any race except the other person’s best interest. Eights consciously know what they want and go get it. Twos also know what they want, but subconsciously feel that they need to justify it as something that is good for someone else, so they often try to convince others that they are the ones who want the thing that the Two wants.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Nine

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Nine are very similar, and it can be hard to tell them apart at first glance. Twos are a Heart type, and desire above all else to be important to someone else in order to receive their validation. Nines are a Body type, and are mainly concerned with independence, which they achieve by not creating trouble with others and by not letting others trouble them.

The main source of similarity is the fact that both Twos and Nines tend to be likeable, positive, nurturing and motherly toward others. Twos shower the object of their desire with attentions to the point that all but the most hardened thugs fall for their advances. Nines are extremely friendly and easily get along with others, often letting them express themselves and their gifts, but they don’t necessarily relentlessly pursue others to fulfill an emotional need.

This is, however, also where the two types diverge. Twos are extremely specific in the way they take care of someone, while Nines almost operate under a generic ‘good neighbors’ policy with most people. When describing both types, the word ‘merging‘ gets thrown around a lot, but Twos are very picky with the people they want to merge with, and their aim for merging is to have their self-worth mirrored to them by someone they consider suitable, while Nines tend to dissipate their own personal energy and to vaguely merge with the world at large, with the aim of not being bothered.

Merging

Both types tend to have a hard time expressing their own wants and needs. Twos often subconsciously projects them onto others (“Are you hungry?” usually means “I’m hungry”) because they feel the only way for them to get their needs met is to meet those of another person. Nines, on the other hand, often find it hard to find their own center as individuals with well-defined agenda and set of goals.

In this respect, Twos are much more intense and demanding than Nines, who in turn are much harder to pin down and grasp. Twos have an inflated sense of self (though they probably don’t think they do), while Nines are self-effacing and consider themselves regular folks. Furthermore, frustrated Twos who feel they are failing in achieving the kind of connection they crave with someone may resort to underhanded tactics of active manipulation, whereas Nines rarely manipulate others actively. If anything, Nines usually oppose a passive resistance to other people’s agendas, making them waste time and effort until they give up and everything becomes calm and serene again.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Seven are quite different in many respects, but they also share some similarities. Twos are a Heart type and want to be recognized by others as loveable and meaningful to their life. Sevens are Head types, and they focus more on security, which they achieve by planning situations and activities that divert or comfort them.

Both types have it easy with others, as both tend to be very likeable and to attract people due to both being very demonstrative and communicative. Even here, though, there are some key differences. Twos seek depth of connection, while Sevens seek variety and tend to be contented with shallower interactions (though they are also likely to have a selected few besties).

More specifically, Twos’ emotional engagement is more intimately connected with their sense of self and their attempt to convince others to mirror it to them, while for Sevens engagement (including, but not especially, emotional engagement) is more a byproduct of the interaction and their attempt to create an ‘experience’ for themselves and the ones they are entertaining.

Positivity

As such, Twos are far more reluctant to be less than positive (even saccarine at times) with others, whereas Sevens, being less attached to their feelings, can let them go in more directions.

The lovebirds of the Enneagram, Twos generally try to create a unity with the other person. Sevens can go along for a ride or two with others, but they are highly independent and hate being bogged down and restricted, all things that create anxiety, or even panic, since it jams their mechanism.

All the complex apparatus of codependence that makes average Twos gush would be enough to make a Seven hyperventilate, as Sevens need and respect independence. On the other hand, since average Sevens tend to live life skimming the surface, they sometimes fail to provide others with the same emotional depth as a Two once the initial glamour of their fun personality wears off.

MQS

Similarities and differences between Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Seven
Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Six

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Six can be incredibly similar in a number of way. Twos are a Heart type and want to be recognized by others as loveable or somehow to be important for them. Sixes are a Head type and look for security, which they try to achieve by forming strong connections with people they can depend on and be led by.

Both Twos and Sixes place great importance on relationships. Twos want to become important to someone to be confirmed in their identity. They want someone to tell them (and show them) that they could not live without them and that they are ever so lucky to have them. In this, average Twos act like benevolent tyrants. Like Sixes, Twos tend to be likeable, but they are also easily slighted if their sense of importance is called into question even indirectly. Although they tend to be pleasers, they demand that the value they bring to the table be recognized and appreciated.

Sixes on the other hand want to forge alliances with others like them against the things they fear, or if anything, they want someone or something higher to protect them and quench their fears and doubts. In this, Sixes are like an assembly of fearful citizens deciding what to do in the face of impending doom. Again, like Twos, Sixes tend to be likeable, but they also become easily suspicious of people that give them leave (even just in their mind) to doubt their loyalty, because a Six’s worst nightmare is to have a wolf in sheep’s clothing next to them. They can also be pleasers, but it is also very clear to them that this is just a social nicety between good neighbors, whereas Twos are more invested in pleasing others.

People

In general, Twos tend to have a poise, elegance and self-assuredness that Sixes lack. Twos know who they are, although they may not know what they want, as they tend to think in terms of other people’s desires. They are not constantly assailed by doubts, ‘the sky is falling’ style. Their primary concern is with creating a (dis)functional unity with another person who relies on them and mirrors to them who they are, even if that means getting lost in pleasant illusions together with that person. The intense way in which they look at others is a metaphorical mating ritual:”aren’t I exactly who you are looking for?”

Sixes don’t want to be told reassuring lies, but the harsh truth, and how to deal with it. In this they are more frantic than Twos, but they make up for it by being goofy, funny or relatable (Type Six panels at Enneagram conventions are always the ones where everyone laughs their pants off, far more than at Type Seven panels). They often look at others in a “aren’t I cute and nice? you wouldn’t hurt me right?” way. Counterphobic Sixes, on the other hand, may have a more aggressive look, but still one where fear is clearly visible (the way I see them is as herbivores going berserk when a predator approaches)

A Six’s eternal dilemma is that they want someone else to give them confidence, or sometimes even take charge of their decisions in life, but at the same time they never find anyone whom they can trust one hundred percent. Twos, on the other hand, are regal and imperious, and would never accept being bossed around without good reason.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Five

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Five are opposite in almost every way. No one with a brain stem connected would see many similarities between them. Twos are a Heart type, and their main issue is with recognition and validation, which they seek by taking care of others. Fives are a Head type, focused on security, which they seek by detaching from the insecurities of the world and identifying with their mental prowess.

The only similarity between the two types is that both assert the energy of their respective center: Twos assert the energy of the Heart, Fives that of the Head. In this sense, both tend to sacrifice everything else to make exclusive use of their gift: even very intelligent Twos tend to place little value in arid reasoning, and even lovestruck Fives tend to have a logical way of dealing with their partner.

Furthermore, both types have a complex relationship with otherness: Twos cannot tolerate the idea of the other existing without needing their love, help or presence, so they try to merge inseparably with them, creating a psychological unity; Fives often cannot tolerate an idea, theory or concept that they have not personally created, so they attack it until it either falls or it is as good as if they had conceived it (this drive is behind their often sardonic behavior).

Separation

That being said, Twos and Fives are opposite in every aspect: Twos are mushy, sentimental, emotionally expressive, personable and other-oriented; Fives are aloof, secretive, dry, rational and focused on themselves and on what they risk losing by interacting with other people. Twos are giving, although the things they give usually come with some strings attached; Fives are withholding, although on the rare occasion when they share they can be touchingly honest, because they have likely pondered long and hard about losing for themselves what they are giving away.

In general, Twos and Fives value different things in life. Twos value soulful connections, Fives value complex knowledge. Twos need company (at least in their head), fear losing connections by behaving badly and tend to be gentle, at least until they feel slighted; Fives are highly individualistic, iconoclastic, sometimes intractable, at least until they form a connection they really care about. Needless to say, Two and Five are an awfully common pairing in relationships.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Four

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Four share one great similarity: that of being the most emotionally intense types of the Enneagram. Otherwise, they are starkly different, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Twos grow at Four, Fours stress at Two. Both are Heart types, concerned with recognition. Twos seek it by taking care of others in order to be seen as loveable and important, while Fours by playing Sleeping Beauty to attract a Prince(ess) Charming with their tragic and beautiful story.

As said, both Twos and Fours are extremely emotional and place great importance on feelings and on emotional connection. Twos tend to have a positive outlook and are usually cheerful, and are generally the rescuers. They chase the other, arms held wide open, and are incredibly good at persuading them to abandon themselves to the embrace of love.

Emotion

By contrast, Fours are much more familiar with the darker side of their psyche. Being the Eeyore’s of the Enneagram, they mope, pine and hold aloof in other people’s presence. Furthermore, because they envy other people’s ease in life, even average Fours may have a mean streak, as they usually feel unjustly victimized by life and therefore pushed either into the role of the rescued princess or that of the tragic villain (see Jago in Shakespeare’s Othello, Salieri in Amadeus or even Satan in Paradise Lost)

Interpersonal connectivity is incredibly important to both types, but with different results. Twos find it easy to connect with others and immediately “merge” with them. Fours would love to find someone to merge with, but find that they are deficient in something and this deficiency prevents them from being seen, understood, loved. Ultimately, Twos are quite at ease in the world, Fours definitely aren’t. Twos relate easily to others, Fours find it almost impossible. Twos are horrified at the prospect of loneliness, Fours are resigned to it.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Three

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Three can occasionally look alike, but only because some Threes have been socialized to embody certain two-ish behaviors and values. Otherwise, they are quite different types. Both are Heart types, meaning they are chiefly concerned with recognition. Twos want to be seen and appreciated by others as loveable, while Threes want to be seen and recognized as excellent.

Both Twos and Threes are usually people-oriented, but in starkly different ways. Twos need to be needed, so they constantly live at the intersection between their own life and that of someone else in whose life they are seeking to lodge themselves (or at least a part of them). Threes need to be admired, so they constantly seek to live up to whatever standard they perceive to be conducive of the admiration they crave.

The two types deal with their feelings differently. Both are generally positive and upbeat, but Twos are highly emotive and crave a deeply emotional connection with others. Threes, by contrast, can even be uncomfortable with their emotions, often setting them aside as distractions to their pursuits.

Recognition

Both types are capable of self-sacrifice. Twos’ sacrifice for another, however, usually comes with some strings attached as to the other’s need to validate and appreciate the Two; Threes’ self-sacrifice generally comes in the form of dedication to the goal, and the kind of praise that can keep them going is usually shallower or more mundane than that of Twos.

Of the two types, Threes more straightforwardly direct others’ attention toward them, as they live for the limelight. Even when concerned with altruistic causes, there is always a clear egoistic drive in them (I’m gonna raise more money for the charity than anyone else, so the prize is gonna be mine). There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, but it is generally the truth. At its best, Threes put their drive in the service of great causes, while at their worst, they bend every good cause to a shallow thirst for recognition.

Average Twos are more ‘sneaky’ in their behavior. The ultimate goal of their actions is still to be at the center of anothers’ mind in order to have their existence validated, but they do so more subtly, by taking care of the other’s needs while they wrap their emotional tentacles all over the other person’s life, until, ideally, the only way for the other to keep going on is to ask the Two for more and more help. At its best, the Two archetype is one of selfless, giving saint, while at its worst and most dark, it is that of the nurse that keeps the patient ill in order to keep taking care of them.

MQS