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Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Four and Type Five

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Enneagram Type Four and Enneagram Type Five are, on paper, extremely different, yet they end up sharing a number of similarities. Fours are a Heart type whose main focus is on what makes them uniquely deficient in life and on attracting someone who will see them and love them in their brokenness. Fives are a Head type, preoccupied with security and with trying to overcome their ineptitude in facing life’s unpredictability and problems.

Fives are on the quest for pure objectivity, completely devoid of the dross of personal belief, feeling, hopes and desires. Fours are possibly the most subjective type in the Enneagram, whose attention always goes to their particular emotional reaction to life.

Both Fours and Fives share an often deeply negative view of reality and have no problem facing the dark side of life. Both are individualistic and ‘odd’ by social standards and don’t care if what they do or say isn’t accepted or common. Fours tend to defy conventions because they are primarily concerned with being true to themselves, while Fives defy conventions because they derive pleasure from the iconoclastic process of disruption. Fours are primarily existentialists, Fives are primarily nihilists, though of course there is some overlap.

Both types interpret the theme of aloneness, albeit in different ways. Type Four represents the single heart, with its ability to feel, to explore emotions of all shades and to create worlds of great beauty and meaning, longing for someone or something. Type Five is the single mind, with its ability to think, to explore concepts of all degrees of subtlety and to erect magnificent cathedrals of philosophical thought, only to smash them to bits like a kid would a sand castle.

Individual

For both types it is extremely important to be given space for self-expression, both dislike canned views and highly value individualism and creativity, and both types find themselves by difference from the world around them: Fours feel they are uniquely flawed and are on a quest to find themselves, their identity and their meaning, Fives feel that they can’t count on anything or anyone but their own mind and are on a quest to crack open the ultimate secrets of life.

That being said, there are also a number of differences. Fives are rarely very expressive of their feelings (which doesn’t mean they don’t have them), unless they have worked a lot on themselves, and even then it is often a conscious exercise. Fours are naturally expressive and they are capable of great emotional honesty in all circumstances, even if it’s uncomfortable for others. On the other hand, Fives are naturally cool-headed and always cut through endless layers of emotional nonsense in one fell swoop to reach the logical core of any situation, while Fours can only do so by consciously learning to disengage from their emotional reactions when it is not helpful to cling to them.

Even the way the two types are self-oriented is different. Fours are self-oriented because they relate everything to their experience of life, their pain, their longings, their particular idiosyncrasies, etc. Fives are self-oriented because they relate everything to their own ability to analyze it, without automatically accepting what anyone else has to say about it.

Both types tend toward pessimism, but with different motivations and implications. Fours are pessimistic about themselves and their life, believing they are unlucky or broken or that they have messed up somehow. Fives tend to be cosmic pessimists, that is, they observe the nature of things in a pessimistic or nihilistic light.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Three and Type Nine

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Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Nine are quite different in almost all regards, so much so that they are each other’s arrow on the Enneagram symbol. Threes are a Heart type and are focused on gaining validation and approval for their merits and talents, while Nines are a Body type, concerned with independence, which they try to scure by not causing trouble with others.

Threes are highly driven, ambitious and combative, and they want to excel and to emerge above others as worthy of praise. By contrast, Nines tend to be meek, easygoing, conciliatory and ready to take a step back to allow others to shine.

More deeply, Threes have accepted a certain image of themselves which has been handed down to them by society or parental figures and they run with it until it brings them validation (or a nervous breakdown). Nines, on the other hand, often suppress their own individuality, their own priorities and their own agenda for fear of it setting them on a collision course with others. This is not to say that Nines are inert: they can lead very active lives, but they are usually undemanding and unwilling to stand out for their own sake.

Identity

Surprisingly, the two types do have one similarity. Threes often fight with the inner feeling of not truly knowing who they are, a troubling sensation that the image they submit to the world for a stamp of approval does not truly encapsulate them. Usually they try not to think too much about it, which is in part why they are so driven and motivated in accomplishing their goals, but when this feeling catches up to them it can lead them to an identity crisis.

Nines can also find it hard to pinpoint themselves, but for a different reason: they instinctively feel that to emerge as an individual with a specific identity or mission means cutting themselves off from an all-encompassing merging with a greater whole, whether this greater whole be God, a social group, married life, etc. In other words, Threes may not know who they are and fear this sensation, while Nines dread having a sharp separate identity pushed onto them.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Three and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Seven can on occasion be lookalikes, so distinguishing them may be treaky. Threes are a Heart type, and seek recognition for their (real or perceived) merits and for their excellence. Sevens are a Head type, concerned with achieving security by filling their life with distractions and exciting projects.

Let us never forget that the quest for recognition is part of our human makeup: it is how we work as social beings, regardless of our Enneagram Type. The same can be said for security and for looking out for exciting new things. Everyone needs security.

Threes, though, are essentially social in their psychological framework, even when they are introverted, simply because their usual way of acting is aimed at meeting criteria that have been set up for them by society or family. Thus, their actions and plans always imply the presence of other people, even when those people are not there. Sevens, on the other hand, may very well attract colorful and interesting people due to how they behave and may enjoy their praises, but they are ultimately interested in filling their lives with novelty and excitement to avoid looking at what they fear or causes them pain.

Threes are status-seekers, Sevens are pleasure-seekers. Sevens tend to have a strong materialistic streak and find comfort in owning stuff. Of course, they often want the cool new stuff, and coolness is generally a socially defined concept, but the comfort this stuff gives them is that they can use it to fill their lives with thrills and stimulations. Threes, on the other hand, want to be praised more than anything else. Of course, in our society, praise is often linked to the ability to have material possessions (prizes, wealth, etc.) but for Threes stuff matters mostly for what it means for their status.

Action

Both Threes and Sevens can be very hard and efficient workers. Sevens usually need more clearly to be in a line of work that stimulates them, but lacking this, they can put up with a job they don’t like that will allow them to fuel their extravance. Ultimately, their fear is of finding themselves in a situation of scarcity and being left without options, alone with their pain and a sneaking sense of void, meaninglessness and gloom. Threes tend to pursue paths that they deem themselves good at. Of course, if they like the path, all the better, but Threes can go down career paths they despise as long as they can stand out and gain approval. Their fear is mainly that of failure.

Both Threes and Sevens can have a grandiose sense of self. In Sevens, this is due to their disconnection (momentary or permanent) from the negative side of life, which often lauches them into phases of mania where they can become dangerously foolhardy and have unrealistic feelings of invincibility. Average Threes are grandiose about their sense of self, which is almost the sole reason, together with social or familial conditioning, why they get into careers or other life paths even if they don’t particularly like them, simply because they are looking for something that will give them a recognition they deem adequate to their view of themselves.

Ultimately, the grandiosity of an average Three does not blind them to reality, but merely fuels their plans, while the grandiosity of a Seven tends pravail in particularly unbalanced phases of their life and can cause them to make grave blunders (again, it is like a mania).

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Three and Type Six

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Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Six are generally quite different, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Threes grow at Six, Sixes stress at Three. Threes are a Heart type and they crave recognition of their talent and worth, while Sixes are a Head type and need security and certainty.

Both types are affable, but in quite different ways. Threes are more assertive and want to impress others with the rabbits they can pull out of their hat (the exact rabbit depending on the context). Sixes tend to prove themselves dependable and friendly so as to elicit positive and protective feelings in others while avoiding the dangers of a hostile environment.

Sixes generally want to quickly sort you out as either a danger or a dependable ally, but once you are in the latter camp they will often go the extra mile for you. Threes on the other hand are more competitive, so depending on the context they will go for your jugular if it means emerging victorious and winning the prize. Of course they can be good friends like anyone else, but because they are used to setting aside their emotions to reach their goal, they can be just as competitive against a colleague they are usually friendly with outside of work, assuming the colleague will behave the same way.

Other People

Threes are often concerned with image for image’s sake, and understand that, especially in a social context, one is supposed to wear a mask, while Sixes are terrified at the prospect of someone presenting them with a fake facade that doesn’t correspond to reality. They’d rather be told the ugly truth than be left hanging. In this, though, they can become paranoid and obsessively questioning, in a way that average Threes, who understand the importance of propriety and playing one’s role well, usually don’t become.

Paradoxically, Sixes, a Head type, are far more volatile and emotional than Threes, a Heart type. This is because Threes have learned to suppress their Heart energy, so they come off as cool and collected, like they’ve got it together. Sixes, however, have suppressed their Head energy, so they cannot trust their thinking process and are therefore often prey to strong emotions, so they come off as somewhat insecure.

Ultimately, Threes are focused on achieving status and therefore on drawing attention on them, while Sixes generally shy away from the limelight to avoid exposing themselves to possible dangers. When they do strive for recognition, it is often because they feel this is the best avenue to security in a particular context.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Three and Type Five

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Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Five are quite different and are not easily mistaken. Threes are a Heart type, whose main preoccupation is recognition of their merits and outstanding qualities. Fives are a Head type, and they focus on security, which they achieve by withdrawing from the world and identifying with their intellectual prowess.

Threes are usually driven, adaptable and outgoing, while Fives tend to be withdrawn, aloof and preoccupied solely with what’s between their ears. While many Threes may seek recognition in whatever field they have a shot at succeeding in, Fives rarely care about social approval and in fact may go out of their way to defend outlandish ideas to scandalize their peers.

This paradoxically makes Threes better fits for places like the academia, since they are more likely to be performance-oriented, adhere to social conventions and run with the Zeitgeist rather than against it. On the other hand, Fives tend to be more original and deep, almost deriving pride from how offbeat and weird their ideas may sound, sometimes to the detriment of clarity.

Mind

Socially, the two types couldn’t be more distant. Even more reserved Threes are generally good at reading social cues and put a good deal of thought into making a good impression or being appropriate, while Fives tend to dislike people and their expectations, so much so that they seek to reduce their expectations toward people as a way to avoid having expectations placed on them. What many Fives fail to understand is that expectations are a natural part of our social existence, so while blind compliance is not necessarily good, there is something important about social interactions that Threes understand on an intuitive level and from which Fives may learn.

Both Threes and Fives have a hard time processing their emotions. Both see them as distractions: Threes see them as distractions from working on success, while Fives see them as distractions from a clear and objective view of reality. However, Threes usually display emotions in social contexts if it seems like the appropriate thing to do, while Fives generally remain aloof. In general, there is a “See? I’m hitting all the right notes!” attitude to Threes and a “Let’s get this over with quickly so I can go back to my own thing” attitude to Fives.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Eight

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Eight are quite different, but they do have some similarities, and they are each the arrow of the other: Eights grow at Two, Twos stress at Eight. Twos are a Heart type and want to find a place for themselves in another person’s life in order to be appreciated by them. Eights want autonomy, which they achieve by asserting themselves and pushing through others’ resistance. On paper, these two types should be opposite, but this is not always the case.

Both types assert the energy of their center: Twos assert emotional energy and Eights assert bodily energy. Twos assert themselves on others by connecting so tightly with them that they almost merge together while taking care of them. They are generally sweet, caring, friendly. However, if they feel that the other doesn’t appreciate them enough, they may resort to more authoritarian methods of getting the other’s attention.

Eights assert themselves more straightforwardly. They usually force others to deal with them and they are always ready to power through their opposition. Note that Eights aren’t necessarily aggressive, just as Twos aren’t necessarily docile. Once we had an Eight friend of ours over for dinner together with other people, and he sat in such a manner that he was the one who had to pass the various bowls and bottles to everyone. He was very liberal in giving people what they wanted, but he (subconsciously) wanted to be the one in control of giving it to them.

Willpower

In short, both Eights and Twos like to be in control of the situation, and especially they like being in control of other people. Twos are more subtle, which is why average to unhealthy Twos are known as the manipulators of the Enneagram, as when they do not get what they want from others they can easly guilt trip them by listing off all they’ve done for them and how little they’ve received in return. This is not necessarily a calculated move on the Two’s part: many times, average and even somewhat healthy Twos have difficulty seeing when they feel slighted or wronged, as they are typically more focused on making the other person happy, so they brush it off, but a part of them files the incident away in its undigested form, which means it is bound to resurface later.

Eights, on the other hand, know immediately when the other person has crossed the line and have no trouble at all letting them know. Furthermore, Eights know they have an agenda and are ready to steamroll any opposition to achieve it, as opposed to average Twos who may actually be convinced they have no personal horse in any race except the other person’s best interest. Eights consciously know what they want and go get it. Twos also know what they want, but subconsciously feel that they need to justify it as something that is good for someone else, so they often try to convince others that they are the ones who want the thing that the Two wants.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Seven are quite different in many respects, but they also share some similarities. Twos are a Heart type and want to be recognized by others as loveable and meaningful to their life. Sevens are Head types, and they focus more on security, which they achieve by planning situations and activities that divert or comfort them.

Both types have it easy with others, as both tend to be very likeable and to attract people due to both being very demonstrative and communicative. Even here, though, there are some key differences. Twos seek depth of connection, while Sevens seek variety and tend to be contented with shallower interactions (though they are also likely to have a selected few besties).

More specifically, Twos’ emotional engagement is more intimately connected with their sense of self and their attempt to convince others to mirror it to them, while for Sevens engagement (including, but not especially, emotional engagement) is more a byproduct of the interaction and their attempt to create an ‘experience’ for themselves and the ones they are entertaining.

Positivity

As such, Twos are far more reluctant to be less than positive (even saccarine at times) with others, whereas Sevens, being less attached to their feelings, can let them go in more directions.

The lovebirds of the Enneagram, Twos generally try to create a unity with the other person. Sevens can go along for a ride or two with others, but they are highly independent and hate being bogged down and restricted, all things that create anxiety, or even panic, since it jams their mechanism.

All the complex apparatus of codependence that makes average Twos gush would be enough to make a Seven hyperventilate, as Sevens need and respect independence. On the other hand, since average Sevens tend to live life skimming the surface, they sometimes fail to provide others with the same emotional depth as a Two once the initial glamour of their fun personality wears off.

MQS

Similarities and differences between Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Seven
Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Six

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Six can be incredibly similar in a number of way. Twos are a Heart type and want to be recognized by others as loveable or somehow to be important for them. Sixes are a Head type and look for security, which they try to achieve by forming strong connections with people they can depend on and be led by.

Both Twos and Sixes place great importance on relationships. Twos want to become important to someone to be confirmed in their identity. They want someone to tell them (and show them) that they could not live without them and that they are ever so lucky to have them. In this, average Twos act like benevolent tyrants. Like Sixes, Twos tend to be likeable, but they are also easily slighted if their sense of importance is called into question even indirectly. Although they tend to be pleasers, they demand that the value they bring to the table be recognized and appreciated.

Sixes on the other hand want to forge alliances with others like them against the things they fear, or if anything, they want someone or something higher to protect them and quench their fears and doubts. In this, Sixes are like an assembly of fearful citizens deciding what to do in the face of impending doom. Again, like Twos, Sixes tend to be likeable, but they also become easily suspicious of people that give them leave (even just in their mind) to doubt their loyalty, because a Six’s worst nightmare is to have a wolf in sheep’s clothing next to them. They can also be pleasers, but it is also very clear to them that this is just a social nicety between good neighbors, whereas Twos are more invested in pleasing others.

People

In general, Twos tend to have a poise, elegance and self-assuredness that Sixes lack. Twos know who they are, although they may not know what they want, as they tend to think in terms of other people’s desires. They are not constantly assailed by doubts, ‘the sky is falling’ style. Their primary concern is with creating a (dis)functional unity with another person who relies on them and mirrors to them who they are, even if that means getting lost in pleasant illusions together with that person. The intense way in which they look at others is a metaphorical mating ritual:”aren’t I exactly who you are looking for?”

Sixes don’t want to be told reassuring lies, but the harsh truth, and how to deal with it. In this they are more frantic than Twos, but they make up for it by being goofy, funny or relatable (Type Six panels at Enneagram conventions are always the ones where everyone laughs their pants off, far more than at Type Seven panels). They often look at others in a “aren’t I cute and nice? you wouldn’t hurt me right?” way. Counterphobic Sixes, on the other hand, may have a more aggressive look, but still one where fear is clearly visible (the way I see them is as herbivores going berserk when a predator approaches)

A Six’s eternal dilemma is that they want someone else to give them confidence, or sometimes even take charge of their decisions in life, but at the same time they never find anyone whom they can trust one hundred percent. Twos, on the other hand, are regal and imperious, and would never accept being bossed around without good reason.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Five

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Five are opposite in almost every way. No one with a brain stem connected would see many similarities between them. Twos are a Heart type, and their main issue is with recognition and validation, which they seek by taking care of others. Fives are a Head type, focused on security, which they seek by detaching from the insecurities of the world and identifying with their mental prowess.

The only similarity between the two types is that both assert the energy of their respective center: Twos assert the energy of the Heart, Fives that of the Head. In this sense, both tend to sacrifice everything else to make exclusive use of their gift: even very intelligent Twos tend to place little value in arid reasoning, and even lovestruck Fives tend to have a logical way of dealing with their partner.

Furthermore, both types have a complex relationship with otherness: Twos cannot tolerate the idea of the other existing without needing their love, help or presence, so they try to merge inseparably with them, creating a psychological unity; Fives often cannot tolerate an idea, theory or concept that they have not personally created, so they attack it until it either falls or it is as good as if they had conceived it (this drive is behind their often sardonic behavior).

Separation

That being said, Twos and Fives are opposite in every aspect: Twos are mushy, sentimental, emotionally expressive, personable and other-oriented; Fives are aloof, secretive, dry, rational and focused on themselves and on what they risk losing by interacting with other people. Twos are giving, although the things they give usually come with some strings attached; Fives are withholding, although on the rare occasion when they share they can be touchingly honest, because they have likely pondered long and hard about losing for themselves what they are giving away.

In general, Twos and Fives value different things in life. Twos value soulful connections, Fives value complex knowledge. Twos need company (at least in their head), fear losing connections by behaving badly and tend to be gentle, at least until they feel slighted; Fives are highly individualistic, iconoclastic, sometimes intractable, at least until they form a connection they really care about. Needless to say, Two and Five are an awfully common pairing in relationships.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Four

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Four share one great similarity: that of being the most emotionally intense types of the Enneagram. Otherwise, they are starkly different, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Twos grow at Four, Fours stress at Two. Both are Heart types, concerned with recognition. Twos seek it by taking care of others in order to be seen as loveable and important, while Fours by playing Sleeping Beauty to attract a Prince(ess) Charming with their tragic and beautiful story.

As said, both Twos and Fours are extremely emotional and place great importance on feelings and on emotional connection. Twos tend to have a positive outlook and are usually cheerful, and are generally the rescuers. They chase the other, arms held wide open, and are incredibly good at persuading them to abandon themselves to the embrace of love.

Emotion

By contrast, Fours are much more familiar with the darker side of their psyche. Being the Eeyore’s of the Enneagram, they mope, pine and hold aloof in other people’s presence. Furthermore, because they envy other people’s ease in life, even average Fours may have a mean streak, as they usually feel unjustly victimized by life and therefore pushed either into the role of the rescued princess or that of the tragic villain (see Jago in Shakespeare’s Othello, Salieri in Amadeus or even Satan in Paradise Lost)

Interpersonal connectivity is incredibly important to both types, but with different results. Twos find it easy to connect with others and immediately “merge” with them. Fours would love to find someone to merge with, but find that they are deficient in something and this deficiency prevents them from being seen, understood, loved. Ultimately, Twos are quite at ease in the world, Fours definitely aren’t. Twos relate easily to others, Fours find it almost impossible. Twos are horrified at the prospect of loneliness, Fours are resigned to it.

MQS