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Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Three and Type Four

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Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Four are quite different from one another, and don’t have much in common. Both are Heart types and are concerned with recognition: Threes seek to emerge and be outstanding according to the standards they have internalized, while Fours feel they can’t compare with others and seek to attract a special someone who will rescue them from their misery.

Even on the surface the two types project very different images. Threes have the aura of the winner about them, they are usually at ease in social settings and are focused on good performance. Fours are quiet and melancholic, they easily feel out of place or wrong and are focused on emotional depth and being true to themselves.

Of course, because Threes are so versatile, they can end up looking like other types, especially if we define the types narrowly, like “Fours are artists”. However, Threes are always interested in achieving and doing, including in the artistic world, whereas Fours care very little about performance if it comes at the expense of their ability to explore their inner world. In this, a Three is likely to behave in a shallower, but also more practical manner.

Competition

In general, Fours are at ease in the world of their emotions, and the darker, the better, whereas Threes tend to see emotions as a waste of time to be dealt with either quickly or later. Furthermore, Fours are usually quite pessimistic about themselves and their chances, and they tend to pine about some wasted opportunity or lost happiness, while Threes are pragmatic go-getters who create opportunities and have a high degree of confidence in their abilities and chances.

Threes focus on what’s appropriate, Fours on what’s real, Threes win others over, Fours withdraw in hopes of being sought, Threes feel superior, Fours feel inferior, Threes want to be envied, Fours envy, Threes are conventional, Fours are authentic and so on. Both types can be competitive, Threes because they have been taught to adapt to a standard of excellence, Four because they have a strongly comparative mindset (“You have what I will always lack”) but Threes feel they can beat the competition, while Fours often feel they are doomed to lose.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Eight

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Eight are quite different, but they do have some similarities, and they are each the arrow of the other: Eights grow at Two, Twos stress at Eight. Twos are a Heart type and want to find a place for themselves in another person’s life in order to be appreciated by them. Eights want autonomy, which they achieve by asserting themselves and pushing through others’ resistance. On paper, these two types should be opposite, but this is not always the case.

Both types assert the energy of their center: Twos assert emotional energy and Eights assert bodily energy. Twos assert themselves on others by connecting so tightly with them that they almost merge together while taking care of them. They are generally sweet, caring, friendly. However, if they feel that the other doesn’t appreciate them enough, they may resort to more authoritarian methods of getting the other’s attention.

Eights assert themselves more straightforwardly. They usually force others to deal with them and they are always ready to power through their opposition. Note that Eights aren’t necessarily aggressive, just as Twos aren’t necessarily docile. Once we had an Eight friend of ours over for dinner together with other people, and he sat in such a manner that he was the one who had to pass the various bowls and bottles to everyone. He was very liberal in giving people what they wanted, but he (subconsciously) wanted to be the one in control of giving it to them.

Willpower

In short, both Eights and Twos like to be in control of the situation, and especially they like being in control of other people. Twos are more subtle, which is why average to unhealthy Twos are known as the manipulators of the Enneagram, as when they do not get what they want from others they can easly guilt trip them by listing off all they’ve done for them and how little they’ve received in return. This is not necessarily a calculated move on the Two’s part: many times, average and even somewhat healthy Twos have difficulty seeing when they feel slighted or wronged, as they are typically more focused on making the other person happy, so they brush it off, but a part of them files the incident away in its undigested form, which means it is bound to resurface later.

Eights, on the other hand, know immediately when the other person has crossed the line and have no trouble at all letting them know. Furthermore, Eights know they have an agenda and are ready to steamroll any opposition to achieve it, as opposed to average Twos who may actually be convinced they have no personal horse in any race except the other person’s best interest. Eights consciously know what they want and go get it. Twos also know what they want, but subconsciously feel that they need to justify it as something that is good for someone else, so they often try to convince others that they are the ones who want the thing that the Two wants.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Nine

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Nine are very similar, and it can be hard to tell them apart at first glance. Twos are a Heart type, and desire above all else to be important to someone else in order to receive their validation. Nines are a Body type, and are mainly concerned with independence, which they achieve by not creating trouble with others and by not letting others trouble them.

The main source of similarity is the fact that both Twos and Nines tend to be likeable, positive, nurturing and motherly toward others. Twos shower the object of their desire with attentions to the point that all but the most hardened thugs fall for their advances. Nines are extremely friendly and easily get along with others, often letting them express themselves and their gifts, but they don’t necessarily relentlessly pursue others to fulfill an emotional need.

This is, however, also where the two types diverge. Twos are extremely specific in the way they take care of someone, while Nines almost operate under a generic ‘good neighbors’ policy with most people. When describing both types, the word ‘merging‘ gets thrown around a lot, but Twos are very picky with the people they want to merge with, and their aim for merging is to have their self-worth mirrored to them by someone they consider suitable, while Nines tend to dissipate their own personal energy and to vaguely merge with the world at large, with the aim of not being bothered.

Merging

Both types tend to have a hard time expressing their own wants and needs. Twos often subconsciously projects them onto others (“Are you hungry?” usually means “I’m hungry”) because they feel the only way for them to get their needs met is to meet those of another person. Nines, on the other hand, often find it hard to find their own center as individuals with well-defined agenda and set of goals.

In this respect, Twos are much more intense and demanding than Nines, who in turn are much harder to pin down and grasp. Twos have an inflated sense of self (though they probably don’t think they do), while Nines are self-effacing and consider themselves regular folks. Furthermore, frustrated Twos who feel they are failing in achieving the kind of connection they crave with someone may resort to underhanded tactics of active manipulation, whereas Nines rarely manipulate others actively. If anything, Nines usually oppose a passive resistance to other people’s agendas, making them waste time and effort until they give up and everything becomes calm and serene again.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Seven are quite different in many respects, but they also share some similarities. Twos are a Heart type and want to be recognized by others as loveable and meaningful to their life. Sevens are Head types, and they focus more on security, which they achieve by planning situations and activities that divert or comfort them.

Both types have it easy with others, as both tend to be very likeable and to attract people due to both being very demonstrative and communicative. Even here, though, there are some key differences. Twos seek depth of connection, while Sevens seek variety and tend to be contented with shallower interactions (though they are also likely to have a selected few besties).

More specifically, Twos’ emotional engagement is more intimately connected with their sense of self and their attempt to convince others to mirror it to them, while for Sevens engagement (including, but not especially, emotional engagement) is more a byproduct of the interaction and their attempt to create an ‘experience’ for themselves and the ones they are entertaining.

Positivity

As such, Twos are far more reluctant to be less than positive (even saccarine at times) with others, whereas Sevens, being less attached to their feelings, can let them go in more directions.

The lovebirds of the Enneagram, Twos generally try to create a unity with the other person. Sevens can go along for a ride or two with others, but they are highly independent and hate being bogged down and restricted, all things that create anxiety, or even panic, since it jams their mechanism.

All the complex apparatus of codependence that makes average Twos gush would be enough to make a Seven hyperventilate, as Sevens need and respect independence. On the other hand, since average Sevens tend to live life skimming the surface, they sometimes fail to provide others with the same emotional depth as a Two once the initial glamour of their fun personality wears off.

MQS

Similarities and differences between Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Seven
Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Six

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Six can be incredibly similar in a number of way. Twos are a Heart type and want to be recognized by others as loveable or somehow to be important for them. Sixes are a Head type and look for security, which they try to achieve by forming strong connections with people they can depend on and be led by.

Both Twos and Sixes place great importance on relationships. Twos want to become important to someone to be confirmed in their identity. They want someone to tell them (and show them) that they could not live without them and that they are ever so lucky to have them. In this, average Twos act like benevolent tyrants. Like Sixes, Twos tend to be likeable, but they are also easily slighted if their sense of importance is called into question even indirectly. Although they tend to be pleasers, they demand that the value they bring to the table be recognized and appreciated.

Sixes on the other hand want to forge alliances with others like them against the things they fear, or if anything, they want someone or something higher to protect them and quench their fears and doubts. In this, Sixes are like an assembly of fearful citizens deciding what to do in the face of impending doom. Again, like Twos, Sixes tend to be likeable, but they also become easily suspicious of people that give them leave (even just in their mind) to doubt their loyalty, because a Six’s worst nightmare is to have a wolf in sheep’s clothing next to them. They can also be pleasers, but it is also very clear to them that this is just a social nicety between good neighbors, whereas Twos are more invested in pleasing others.

People

In general, Twos tend to have a poise, elegance and self-assuredness that Sixes lack. Twos know who they are, although they may not know what they want, as they tend to think in terms of other people’s desires. They are not constantly assailed by doubts, ‘the sky is falling’ style. Their primary concern is with creating a (dis)functional unity with another person who relies on them and mirrors to them who they are, even if that means getting lost in pleasant illusions together with that person. The intense way in which they look at others is a metaphorical mating ritual:”aren’t I exactly who you are looking for?”

Sixes don’t want to be told reassuring lies, but the harsh truth, and how to deal with it. In this they are more frantic than Twos, but they make up for it by being goofy, funny or relatable (Type Six panels at Enneagram conventions are always the ones where everyone laughs their pants off, far more than at Type Seven panels). They often look at others in a “aren’t I cute and nice? you wouldn’t hurt me right?” way. Counterphobic Sixes, on the other hand, may have a more aggressive look, but still one where fear is clearly visible (the way I see them is as herbivores going berserk when a predator approaches)

A Six’s eternal dilemma is that they want someone else to give them confidence, or sometimes even take charge of their decisions in life, but at the same time they never find anyone whom they can trust one hundred percent. Twos, on the other hand, are regal and imperious, and would never accept being bossed around without good reason.

MQS

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Enneagram Comparisons | Type One and Type Nine

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Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Nine are different in many respects. Both are Body types, and are therefore concerned with issues of autonomy. Neither of them is as assertive and warrior-like as Type Eight, the other Body type, but both find different strategies to preserve their autonomy. Nines seek to maintain their autonomy by being friendly and avoiding conflict with others. Ones maintain their autonomy by justifying it rationally as a means for them to pursue an ideal of rightness or justice.

While both Nines and Ones can believe that justice is important, for Nines justice is more a matter of harmonious balance with others. They do not quibble about rules and methodologies and are more than happy to accept (or even to sugarcoat) the world’s and other people’s shortcomings. They usually do not go out of their way to convert others to their point of view and prefer to keep peace, something alien to Ones.

Both Nines and Ones have a difficult relationship with anger. Nines are the least choleric of the nine types, and often need to work hard on themselves to learn to express anger and disappointment when it is appropriate. Average Nines may even feel that the notion of anger is completely alien to them. Ones certainly feel their anger simmering inside of them, but they have a difficult time expressing it directly.

harmony

Both types can be passive-aggressive. Nines are so in an attempt to neutralize other people’s agendas that risk disturbing their peaceful flow. In this sense, they are passive saboteurs. Ones are passive-aggressive because they would like everything to be perfect and everyone to accept that they are right about what it means for everything to be perfect, but they generally find it hard to boldly force others to comply. Furthermore, they often project onto others the anger they feel at their own shortcomings.

In general, Nines believe that the world is (or could very easily become) a good place, and usually keep themselves mentally occupied with bucolic platitudes about themselves and the world. Ones are more pessimistic about the world and about human nature, as they tend to see the world as the negative of a perfect picture that requires an inordinate amount of effort to reach. Furthermore, Ones tend to be methodical and spurred on by clear objectives. Nines, on the contrary, are more placid and, while not necessarily inactive, they can content themselves with following their routine without rigid aspirations and methods.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type One and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Seven are very much unlike each other, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Ones grow at Seven, Sevens stress at One. Ones are a Body type, and their primary focus is on right action as autonomous beings; Sevens are a Head type, and they focus mainly on security, which they seek to achieve by planning their comfort and diversions.

Both Ones and Sevens are, in a sense, idealistic, but their idealism has different roots and different effects on their worldview: Ones believe in high ideals and standards and, by consequence, see the world as imperfect and fallen; Sevens idealize their potential for future enjoyment and so see the world as their oyster, full of cool stuff to be hyped about.

Ones are known for their harsh inner critic, which constantly nags them about what they are doing wrong and why. Everyone, including Sevens, may have a strong inner critic depending on their particular life story, but what’s usually even stronger than any inner critic in a Seven’s mind is their inner Yes-Man, a voice that constantly justifies and encourages their desire for more and broader avenues of enjoyment.

Ideals

In a social context, Ones and Sevens are also very different. Average Ones are generally restrained and somewhat uncomfortable. They may love to try to be more personable and warm, but they also feel that something is holding them back and doesn’t allow them to just relax and enjoy others’ company. Even Ones that have worked a lot on themselves usually retain a degree of inner tension.

Sevens, on the other hand, are people magnets (even when they don’t want to be). They love quick and witty banter with others, and even more introverted Sevens relate to others with peculiar ease, and are often capable of making fun of themselves and of odd or paradoxical everyday situations in a way that Ones would find disconcerting.

The difference between Sevens and Ones is the difference between fun and duty: they are notoriously tricky to reconcile. Unhealthy, stressed Sevens who have strayed too far may suddenly try to save their wanton selves from their mistakes by suddenly developing the rigidity of a One, but in more regular circumstances they are positive, upbeat and open to the world’s possibilities. Healthy Ones, by contrast, are usually capable of incorporating some Seven traits in their behavior by becoming more serene and developing a more positive attitude, but in general they remain tense perfectionists.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Type Nine – Growth and Stress

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Enneagram Type Nine, sometimes called the Mediator, belongs to the Body triad. People of this Enneatype tend to be nurturing, accepting, agreeable and flexible. They are usually very good at holding space for other people, and they often manage to find common grounds with others. They are generally driven by a desire to avoid conflict, because they fear that conflict will make others fail to see them as independent individuals. They much prefer to work together with others, sometimes giving up on their own agenda to avoid rocking the boat, but also exerting a kind of silent passive resistance against things they don’t want to do or accept.

Enneagram Type Nine

Enneatype Nine Grows: Move to Three

Nines have a tendency to ‘disappear’, but not necessarily because they are shy or because they retreat from others in a traditional sense (like a Five avoiding draining contact or a Four witholding themselves to lick their wounds). Instead, average Nines fail to emerge as individuals in the eyes of others (and even in their own eyes): they often find it hard to articulate their preferences, projects and views out of fear of clashing with the people around them.

So while Nines are usually the most sociable of the three withdrawing types (Nine, Four, Five) they still withdraw from others by not opposing them or putting their foot down. This way of remaining merged with other people’s preferences and ideas and going with their flow can cause pain to the Nine as they may feel that they are being stepped on, even though they never drew a line to begin with, which makes it hard even for well-meaning friends to respect their boundaries.

However, as they develop and relax their mechanism, Nines learn to assert themselves more clearly. They learn that there is nothing wrong with having their own agenda, aims and views, and that in fact life cannot be meaningfully lived without choosing one’s path rather than remaining stuck in an all-encompassing mystical haze. Nines thus take on some of the qualities of healthy Threes.

Threes are very assertive people, with a strong desire to emerge and embody exceptional qualities. As one of the most driven Enneatypes, Threes’ way of getting the social acceptance they seek is not to blend in, but to stand out. As they take on some of these qualities, healthy Nines learn to take action by themselves, even if it means risking conflict with others by defending their own identity, their boundaries and their vision.

Action, the virtue of Enneagram Type Nine

Enneatype Nine Under Stress: Move to Six

Average Nines generally have a rather diffuse sense of self. Their ideal of a good day is one spent in peace, though not necessarily in inaction, as Nines can be very active people. What gives them peace is the idea that everything has its neat little place, everyone is a good neighbor, pleasantries are exchanged and no one causes any trouble. As long as everything goes like this, Nines don’t feel pressured into taking uncomfortable stances and they can simply occupy themselves with comforting thoughts.

Obviously, since life rarely takes place in Hobbitville, the Nines’ ideal rarely comes true, especially because many people don’t share Nines’ worldview. Nines usually go with other people’s flow as long as it doesn’t cause them any trouble and the even surface of their life is not ruffled. When someone threatens to bring serious change into their placid routine, Nines often engage in passive sabotage until the ‘agitator’ gives up in the face of the futility of their effort.

When this typical strategy fails though, Nines can become seriously stressed out as it becomes impossible for them to sweep every problem and irregularity under the rug. This is when they reach their stress point at Six. Enneatype Six is usually the opposite of Nine’s serene peace. High-strung and catastrophizing, they seek to poke a hole into every possibility and theory in order to find the one that will give them the certainty they are looking for.

In embodying some of Six’s negative traits, unhealthy Nines often become cynical toward those trying to bring change in their life. They will often conjure up endless amounts of excuses for why whatever has been proposed is silly or doesn’t work. In extreme cases, others may even be treated as threats to the Nine’s way of life and dealt with accordingly.

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Type Eight – Growth and Stress

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Enneagram Type Eight, sometimes called the Boss or the Challenger, belongs to the Body triad. Those of this Enneatype tend to be powerful, assertive and present in their body. They have seemingly endless endurance and stamina. They highly value their own independence and hate submitting to people, especially if they consider them unworthy. Their best defense is often offense, in the form of being imposing and challenging, but they also have a sense of duty toward their friends and associates, especially if they feel they need to defend them.

Enneagram Type Eight

Enneatype Eight Grows: Move to Two

Average Eights are known for their power-exuding, in-control behavior. In a way, they go through life as if they were a fortress constantly redying for war (and occasionally attacking a neighboring country to be on the safe side). They generally seem to believe that the best way of maintaining their autonomy is to behave in an assertive, hands-on way.

In general, Enneagram Type Eight is deeply aware of a weakness or softness within them that they feel they need to defend from exploitation and aggression. This is what leads them to being defensive (or aggressive, depending on the circumstances) and to wanting to establish themselves above other people, because once they know that they are the reference point for everyone else in the room, they know how to deal with them directly and head-on, which is Eight’s favorite kind of confrontation, as it leaves little space for subtlety and underhandedness.

As they grow and learn to relax their mechanism, Eights become capable of taking care of their soft side in a more nurturing way. They learn to see that not everyone is out to get them and that, in fact, other people have a tender, weak spot too that is deserving of love and protection. As they recognize this, maturing Eights take on some of the healthy traits of Enneagram Type Two.

At their best, Twos are caring, interpersonal, giving, motherly and see the needs of others as theirs to take care of. In growing toward Two, Eights become capable of putting their warrior qualities to a higher use in honoring others’ need and defending them. They become extremely giving (in a more neutral, less manipulative way than unhealthy Twos) and their energy is expressed in a way that is innocent because it places itself beyond the rigid distinction between friend and foe.

Innocence, the Virtue of Enneagram Type Eight

Enneatype Eight Under Stress: Move to Five

All Eights tend to act assertively in order to protect a part of them that they consider vulnerable and tender. In a way, it is as if they were padding the space around that vulnerable point with their boldness and in-your-face behavior, so that others can’t take advantage of it.

Unfortunately, it is not always possible for them to succeed in this effort. Sometimes their vulnerability comes to light, especially in the form of not feeling adequate or smart enough or strong enough to meet the challenges of life. While average to healthy Eights can enjoy meeting the resistance of the world and can appreciate worthy sparring partners, unhealthy Eights can feel that big challenges threaten their independence as individuals. In these circumstances, receiving a reaction that is equal to or stronger than the action they exert can cause Eights to lose their balance.

When this happens, Eights move to their stress point, where they develop some of the less healthy traits of Enneagram Type Five. Seeing an Eight move to Five is like seeing a bloated baloon letting out the air all at once. Suddenly all the assertive energy of Type Eight implodes toward the center of their being and they become insecure, silent and almost invisible.

Eights, like average to unhealthy Fives, now tend to feel exposed and in need of putting distance between them and the threat, and it is not uncommon for stressed out Eights to physically remove themselves from others’ presence. In doing so, Eights hope to regain some power and energy and to strategize a way out of the impasse.

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Type Six – Growth and Stress

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Enneagram Type Six, sometimes called the Loyalist or the Skeptic, belongs to the Head triad. Those of this Enneatype tend to feel the need for an external source of security, whether it be in the form of social connections, love, a political ideology or religion, etc. They are often friendly and want to show themselves as dependable and trustworthy to avoid danger and controversy, but they also have a skeptical streak that undermines their ability to find the security they need. They are often given to catastrophizing, questioning and poking holes into everything in hopes of finding the one thing that they can trust, but once they feel they have found it, they rarely question it.

Enneagram Type Six

Enneatype Six Grows: Move to Nine

The beginning of a Six’s fear lies in their inability to give themselves the security and stable ground that they need. Because they lack a sense of inner guidance, they usually look outside of themselves, finding it in people, institutions, systems of all type, etc. Ultimately, Sixes want their anchor to be beyond doubt (that is, in a way, perfect).

This is obviously a problem, since an honest look at anything and anyone will reveal their flaws. Although some Sixes manage to convince themselves to stick to something even if imperfect, the nagging sense of uncertainty remains.

When a Six learns to trust themselves, their decisions, their own processes and learn to see the difference between a healthy dose of skepticism and an excessive one, they can also relax and, in doing so, they pick up certain qualities of healthy Nines. Enneagram Type Nine is often trusting of others and allows space for honest interaction without the drama that average Sixes often stir up when they haven’t yet sorted a person in trustworthy or dangerous.

Usually, Nines tend to see beyond division and can capture the unitary essence of all processes, including interpersonal ones. In integrating aspects of Enneatype Nine, Sixes, usually become much calmer and more capable of seeing the simple essence of a situation without getting lost in a myriad contradictions and doubts. More importantly, healthy Sixes develop the kind of self-assurance that they usually lack.

Courage, the Virtue of Enneagram Type Six

Enneatype Six Under Stress: Move to Three

Enneatype Six tends to create secure and stable social connections, which they reinforce by being trustworthy and friendly. Largely they do it to reduce the uncertainty of life (it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that the Six’s socially cohesive instinct is what brought humanity together and created the basis for society)

Unfortunately, this strategy is not always effective. Depending on their particular situation, Sixes may feel that their life is too unpredictable and dangerous. They may feel like they are swimming in a sea of ungraspable alternatives whose consequences they can’t pin down and anticipate. When this happen, a Six may still try to create certainty, but if the strategy fails, they will go to their stress point, where they embody the less healthy qualities of Ennneagram Type Three.

Threes are the workaholics of the Enneagram, constantly trying to emerge and establish themselves as worthy of respect. At their worst, Threes are unreasonably competitive and tend to see everyone as an opponent to outdo, outfox, outperform at any cost and using any trick possible. Stressed Six embody this more antisocial aspect of Type Three, as they feel they can no longer trust others and must therefore learn to compete with them.

Highly cynical and with a generally negative outlook, unhealthy Six can try to constantly undermine others, as though doing this was necessary to deactivate the potential threat associated with other untrustworthy human beings. This behavior is often seen together with panicked responses to every minor setback and a tendency toward authoritarianism as a coping mechanism.

MQS