Enneagram Type Three, sometimes called the Achiever, belongs to the Heart triad. People of this type are dynamic, goal-oriented, driven to excel and stand out. Threes are often very aware of what it takes to have success in a certain field, social situation or career path, and they often do all they can to meet whatever idea of success is implied in these contexts. Because of this intense drive, Threes tend to have problems with competitiveness, as well as with authenticity, as they are used to putting their true self and their true feelings on the back burner while they strive their utmost to comply with expectations and to sell an image of themselves as winners.
Enneagram Type Three
Enneatype Three Grows: Move to Six
Threes are the ‘sellers’ of the Enneagram. While in the presence of an average to unhealthy Three, perceptive people tend to constantly have the feeling that the person is trying to sell them something. This something can vary based on the context of the interaction, but deep down, what Threes are trying to sell is their successful, socially acceptable image of winners.
As they learn that their worth as individuals cannot be measured purely on the basis of performance, Threes may at first find themselves in a bit of a crisis, as they are not used to giving weight to much else. However, as they become more centered, they learn to become more accepting of their true feelings and identity, to see others as companions rather than as competitors and to value honesty above presentation.
In doing so, Threes move toward Enneatype Six. Sixes are inherently companionable, they tend to form strong connections based on trust and they put great emphasis on truthfulness and doing away with double meanings and sophistication. This is because Sixes want to know how things really are, so as to be able to trust them.
In their move to Six, Threes often find meaning in the forging of meaningful connections and in striving together toward common goals, while the need to emerge is transmuted into the desire to uplift others together with oneself.
Honesty, the Virtue of Enneagram Type Three
Enneatype Three Under Stress: Move to Nine
The kind of drive that Enneagram Type Three tends to inject into everything they do is rarely matched by any other type. Threes have a sense of mission in them, as it were: they are the chosen ones to be the best, the prettiest, the most admirable, the most intelligent, the most wealthy, the most creative, the most spiritual, etc. (which of these it is largely depends on their upbringing, familial context and personal values and beliefs)
In their most lucid moments, Threes also have a keen awareness of all that they are sacrificing in their bid to excel and outshine everyone else. What they know they are sacrificing is their authenticity, their inner well-being, their emotional needs. There is often a lurking feeling that all is in vain, because even if they manage to succeed in whatever field they choose (or is chosen for them) their inner self is not truly part of it, having been swept under the rug for later.
This often brings a sense to unease, as though a part of the Three were aware of their commitment to a mere facade with little substance. This may cause them to break down or have identity crises on occasion. And this is even when they succeed.
When they don’t succeed, Threes may try to switch horses and find something else to excel at. If they don’t find it, they may become apathetic and lethargic, like unhealthy Nines. Aware that nothing matters and that all avenues for social acceptance have been destroyed, they may retreat into themselves and simply let the world and life move about them without engaging in them, knowing that they have sacrificed their well-being for something that brought nothing.
Enneagram Type Two, sometimes called the Helper, belongs to the Heart triad. People of this Enneatype often seek validation, appreciation and affection from others by meeting their needs, real or perceived. Their hope is generally to find significance for themselves by becoming important (or even vital) to others. Often, Twos have a hard time trying to take care of their own needs without either feeling selfish and guilty or trying to reformulate them in such a way that they can be seen as favors to others and good for other people’s well-being.
Enneagram Type Two
Enneatype Two Grows: Move to Four
Average Twos are horrified at the prospect of being considered selfish or self-centered. Somehow they have learned that taking care of one’s needs first is wrong. As we know that the person who hasn’t secured his oxygen mask cannot help the person sitting next to him, this a wrong conviction. Still, Twos tend to irreflexively sacrifice themselves for others (which is why they feel scorned when they don’t get appreciation for it)
A Two’s growth begins by being honest with themselves about their own needs and learning to disentangle them from those of other people. There is often a painful spot right in the center of the Two’s heart, where the Two feels alone, hurt and unloved. Normally, Twos tend to stay away from this spot by being cheerful and by filling up their schedule with ‘useful activities’. Obviously, as long as this spot goes unrecognized and unelaborated it will be the one thing that drives the Two around.
By learning to accept and integrate this aspect of themselves, Twos begin to showcase some of the positive traits of Enneagram Type Four, which is definitely a more self-centered type. But healthy Fours have a remarkable emotional honesty and have great compassion for themselves and the darker side of their life, which is why they are also full of compassion for the suffering of others.
In moving to Four, Twos paradoxically learn to truly be loving, in a more humble and authentic way, as their kindness won’t stem from odd psychological gymnastics to create a bond of codependence with another, but from the true desire to help that overflows from their empathy with themselves.
Humility, the virtue of Enneagram Type Two
Enneatype Two Under Stress: Move to Eight
A Two moving to Eight is a sight to behold. Hell truly hath no fury like a Two scorned. I would go as far as to say that it is one of the great wonders of the Enneagram. Since my husband is a Two and since I am not the easiest person to live with, I know this well.
The way I would formulate it is that every Two has a raging lunatic locked in the basement of their mind, which they do all they can to keep at bay, but when the pressure becomes excessive, the monster escapes, and at that point the person you regularly know has no longer any control over the situation.
This raging lunatic is really the accumulated scorn that Twos are unable to work through in a positive way. Twos are a seductive type: they seek to besiege selected people whose appreciation they want with attentions, kindness and favors. When the strategy fails to get the Two the sort of recognition and appreciation they feel they deserve, this aggravates them, but because Twos generally have a positive, upbeat outlook, they tend to brush it off. They don’t forget about it, but they choose to ignore it for the time being.
They therefore double down on their seductive efforts. When it becomes clear that they aren’t getting anywhere, or when they feel cornered or at the end of their rope, Twos explode, and that’s when the lunatic escapes the basement. The accumulated aggravation, anger, resentment and hurt pride is let out all at once. They therefore display some of the less positive traits of Enneagram Type Eight, such as aggressiveness, rashness, authoritarianism.*
MQS
*on a personal note I may add that Twos become very sexy when they move to Eight, as they tend to emanate the type of choleric energy that is, in principle, channeled through sexual activity. Make-up sex with a Two is wonderful.
Enneagram Type One, sometimes called the Perfectionist, belongs to the Body Triad. People of this Enneatype tend to have a strong inner critic that judges everything they (and other people) do based on norms, ideals and right precedures or methods. Ultimately, Ones derive a sense of justification for their existence in the world by adhering to standards and ideas of how things ‘ought to’ go. They often feel that they have a duty to uphold these standards and to put them into practice in the world around them.
Enneagram Type One
Enneatype One Grows: Move to Seven
Ones’ sense of duty is part of their subconscious deal with themselves, which states that they are okay and are allowed to take up space in the world only if they do it the right way, usually by asserting an ideal or implementing or upholding certain standards.
It is always hard for anyone to accept the world as it is, but especially for Ones. They tend to see the world as if it were in a fallen state and needed to be amended. There is nothing wrong with changing what needs to be changed, but doing so in order to obey a harsh inner critic who will latch on to anything to demand improvement is a recipe for unhappiness, both for the One and for those around them. Remember that history is full of visionaries who tried to reform the world and ended up making it worse.
As Ones learn to let go of the resentment they feel toward the world and toward themselves for not being the perfect mirror image of an ideal, Ones move toward point Seven on the Enneagram. Sevens are a mundane type. They love finding always new ways of enjoying the world and the variety it has to offer. Even average Ones can sometimes display this childlike curiosity and sense of adventure in their best moment.
The great gift that Ones can develop by developing this sevenish side is that they learn to improve the world around them by developing its inherent promises from moment to moment rather than by trying to impose foreign ideals onto it. No longer angry at themselves and at the world, Ones learn to accept different opinions and different ways of acting, and their behavior becomes less reactive.
Serenity, the virtue of Enneagram Type One
Enneagram One Under Stress: Move to Four
I said that average Ones see the world as if it were in a fallen state. It makes sense that, under stress, Ones move to Four, the type that more than any other feels like a fallen being.
Ones have considerable faith in their ideals and in the fact that their way of doing things is the right one. They can keep beliving so under the harshest conditions and against all oppositions. Since they usually have a large reservoir of pent up anger inside of them, when challenged beyond a certain or when witnessing something they do not approve of, they may explode.
However, if Ones lose their faith in their ability to change themselves and the world around them to make them match how they ought to be, Ones may move toward their direction of stress at Four. Average to unhealthy Fours are melancholic, dramatic and reserved. They have an air of defeat about them, as though they had lost something of great value that used to make them happy, or if they had been shipwrecked in the wrong world.
Under stress, Ones tend to take on some of these less healthy characteristics of Enneatype Four, becoming pessimistic and despairing. Ones thus begin to witness a world of irredeemable lawlessness and wrongdoing around them. Since they feel that all is lost, they may start indulging unhealthy pastimes, while at the same time feeling bad about it as they alternate between their “OCD streak” and their depressive, defeatist one.
Often Known As: Diplomat, Mediator, Peacemaker (note that names are as limiting as they are revealing.) Sin/Passion: Sloth Focus: on harmony Fear: of rocking the boat and creating conflict Energy Center: Body (energy is suppressed) Social Stance: Withdrawing Key Positive Traits (embodied at their best): Peaceful, Conciliatory, Friendly, Irenic, Serene, Placid, Flexible, Welcoming, Easy-going, Tolerant, Undemanding, Able to hold space for others, Facilitating others’ self-expression, Defusing, Deescalating, Kind, Tactful, Unbothered, Always capable of finding common ground Key Negative Traits (embodied at their worst): Inert, Self-forgetting, Self-suppressing, Diffuse, Vapid, Platitudinous, Bland, Soporific, Flavorless, Vanilla, Immovable, Complacent, Oversimplifying, Both self-sabotaging and passively sabotaging others, Passive-aggressive, Unable to assert themselves clearly, A secondary character in their own life Directions of Growth and Stress: to Three and Six respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Nine highlighted.
Introduction
Nines are generally easygoing, accepting, positive and agreeable. They are placid, hardy and normally unbothered by the difficulties of life, as though they wore a waterproof jacket. It is often easy for people to open up to them, and Nines usually like creating connections and cultivating harmonious relationships. In fact, harmony is probably the one word that best describes Enneagram Type Nine.
Within a group of friends, Nines are the ones that will always seem happy no matter what the others decide, and others may find that Nines are very easy to get along with, since they rarely pose challenges or raise serious problems, so much so that, on occasion, they may even stop thinking or worrying about them. This often leads to Nines slipping under the radar and not getting the recognition and attention they deserve, which may make them feel overlooked.
Whenever problems do arise, Nines often prioritize harmony and stability, so they will usually seek to solve conflicts as quickly as possible, sometimes by giving in on others’ demands or giving up their own preferences. Even in their own private life, regardless of other people, Nines normally prefer to entertain positive and uplifting thoughts rather than dwell on the negative side of things.
Nines usually give importance to togetherness and unity with others, and often have a marked mystical bent, where they seek to blur the line between themselves and the divine (or nature, if they prefer) just as they often seek to blur the line between themselves and others in a social context. They usually prefer activities that stress and strengthen cohesion and group work.
Deep inside, Nines may struggle to find a definite identity, as they perceive themselves as showcasing the traits of other people (often, their standard reaction to hearing about the Enneagram is that they see a bit of every type in themselves.) This lack of a strong profile contributes to their being taken for granted by others, which in turn feeds their insecurity.
The sleepy koala, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Nine
Core Mechanism
Peace is a very important thing for Nines. They value peace with others and peace of mind within themselves. This is obviously not a bad thing. However, the quest for peace can become inauthentic and even dangerous if it stifles conflicts and oversimplifies problems without looking them in the face. This is exactly what average to unhealthy Nines tend to do.
Nines belong to the Body triad of the Enneagram, which means that they are concerned with issues of autonomy and instinctual bodily energy. Nines usually seek to maintain their autonomy not, like Eights, by becoming confrontational toward others, but by going along with them and avoiding rocking the boat. More or less unconsciously, Nines believe that if they cause problems, they will sever their connection to other people, and this could lead to problems snowballing.
To avoid this feared outcome, Nines suppress their bodily energy, their urges, their preferences and their claims to autonomy by becoming accepting of other people’s agendas and aims. Their hope is that this will make them more valuable to others. Unfortunately, this behavior often leads to others actually undervaluing or disregarding Nines, and being disregarded is often a painful feeling for Nines (as it usually is for most people).
When they feel trampled over by people with a more decisive attitude, Nines often retaliate by exerting a kind of peaceful passive resistance, where they do not outright tell people that they feel hurt (or, if they do, they still minimize it) but this of course makes it even harder for others to understand the Nine’s boundaries and preferences.
Passion
Nine’s passion is Sloth. Sloth does *not* mean laziness. Nines may actually lead quite active lives, full of activities and diversions. Sloth must be rather understood as a spiritual ‘falling asleep’ toward oneself and one’s nature.
Note how point Nine is at the top of the Enneagram symbol. This is because, in a way, Enneagram Type Nine represents the blueprint for all other types. Regardless of who we are, the basic premise of the Enneagram is that we have fallen asleep toward the whole of reality, becoming blind to a section of it to emphasize another section (for instance, Ones, the perfectionists, fall asleep to perfection, overemphasizing faults and errors, which they learn to see everywhere.)
Nines fall asleep to reality in a slightly different manner from other types, as they fall asleep to their own falling asleep. This explains why it is not uncommon for Nines to believe they are very advanced spiritual seekers, when in fact they haven’t even started the real work.
Part of our spiritual work consists in reconnecting with the unity of all things. Nines are very good at emphasizing unity and oneness, and often feel fundamentally connected to everyone and everything. But their condition is like that of a seed that hasn’t sprouted yet but believes itself to be the flower.
Nines’ connection to everything is not that of the experienced seeker who finally returns to the great source of everything after experiencing the ups and downs of life: it is the connection of the baby in the mother’s womb before birth.
Duality is an oft-reviled concept in spiritual circles, but in reality duality is just as fundamental to existence as unity itself. In fact, the two terms are coessential: unity cannot express but through duality, and duality cannot do anything except giving voice to unity. Unity without duality is a barren white light without change and without life; duality without unity is an explosion of incoherence without stability. As such, emphasis on one to the exclusion of the other is always a form of delusion.
Nines’ sloth consists in their tendency to run away from all forms of separation, conflict and dualism, retreating into a sort of dreamy oneness, be it with God, their friends, their community, their spouse or their fantasy. Everything that threatens to tear them away from this vapid, hazy unity is ignored or downplayed.
Their slothfulness is their unconscious refusal to go through the pains of being born as separate individuals and experience both sides of life, happiness and sorrow, joy and despair, doubt and certainty, pain and pleasure. Deprived of the journey, the end result that Nines cling to can only engender shallow insights and a kind of cheap mysticism that works more as a psychological crouch than as a stimulus to growth.
Sloth, the passion of Enneagram Type Nine
Misconceptions
A rather common misconception about Type Nine is that they are the pushovers of the Enneagram. Although unhealthy to average Nines do have a hard time asserting themselves and are often accomodating to a fault, this doesn’t mean that they will just allow anyone to disrupt their flow and sweep them along.
Anyone who tries to force a Nines to do something that they don’t want to do usually experiences that everything suddenly takes five times as much energy to accomplish.Nines are excellent saboteurs of all plans that they don’t want to go along with. And they do it often without so much as lifting a finger. Going to war against a Nine is like going to war against a fog bank: you usually just end up getting lost and giving up.
It is also not true that Nines don’t have their own aims, though they may not voice them (sometimes not even to themselves). If we imagine each person as a different current in the sea, a Nine is the leaf on the surface that rides each current as long as it is needed to get where they want to be (at least, this is ideally how Nines get things done).
This doesn’t necessarily mean that Nines “use” people, at least, not more than anyone else. Nines merely seek to reconcile their own presence in the world with the presence of everyone else, and they often feel that the only way for them to do it is going along with other people as long as they need to, kind of like cosmic itch-hikers: they don’t impose their route to others, they only borrow their momentum.
The problem is that Nines can become resentful of their “drivers” when it becomes clear that they have their own aims and do not show the same tact that the Nine has displayed. Once this resentfulness builds up, Nines start their sabotaging, trying to sweep everything under a blanket of stillness where nothing gets done.
Wings
9w8: Nines with an Eight wing are an interesting combination, as Nines often have a hard time connecting to their bodily energy, while Eights definitely don’t have such issues. This subtype usually has a somewhat more forceful and practical demeanor and a slightly stronger presence. They are often very instinctual and tend to have stronger likes and dislikes. Often they mediate between people and solve conflicts by taking a more active approach, and it is not rare for them to become beacons for the community or for those that know them.
9w1: Nines with a One wing are doubly idealist. To be fair, Nine’s ideal is closer to La La Land than the well-ordered and precisely regulated world Ones aspire toward, but combined, the two tendencies give rise to a person with a strong desire for a peaceful and quiet world. There is a strong tendency to value high ideals, but without being very precise in how they would work in reality. This subtype often yearns for a world of kindness and general ‘nicety’ and they usually have an eye for when people and situations don’t live up to this idea.
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
Often Known As: Boss, Warrior, Challenger Sin/Passion: Lust Focus: on the power and strength needed to preserve their independence Fear: of weakness and being submitted Energy Center: Body (energy is asserted) Social Stance: Assertive Key Positive Traits (embodied at their best): Assertive, Strong, Powerful, Willful, Protective, Fatherly, No-nonsense, Decisive, Honest, Truthful, Magnanimous, Big-hearted, Inexhaustible, Fierce, Courageous, Heroic, Able to fight for what’s right, Has a good bullshittometer, Endlessly patient with friends and proteges Key Negative Traits (embodied at their worst): Cruel with enemies, Unforgiving, Aggressive, Overbearing, Vicious, Lustful, Unable to resist own urges, Uncompromising, Intimidating, Impulsive, Foolhardy, Hooked up on intense experiences, An elephant in a china shop, Obtuse, Unwilling to make subtle distinctions even when needed, Unable to unclench Directions of Growth and Stress: to Two and Five respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Eight highlighted
Introduction
An Enneagram Type Eight is usually hard to miss. Not seldom they are physically imposing–not necessarily because they are big or tall (the Enneagram has nothing to do with body type) but because of the kind of energy they emanate.
Eights enter a room and most people in there feel that they need to deal with them, one way or another. They exude power, they know they exude power, and they know you know they exude power. And they like it. Eights are not necessarily arrogant, but they are unwilling to let anyone trample over them, and will often take the opportunity to make it known at the merest slight they receive (sometimes even if no slight was intended).
Being on a Type Eight’s good side not only makes things easier, but it’s also a wonderful experience. They shower the people they like with all kinds of attention. It is like living between a cushion and a very, very soft place. Eights love pampering their friends, family and protégés just as much as they hate anyone that threatens them (either in reality or in the Eight’s imagination).
In fact, they have particularly developed protective instincts toward their loved ones, and average to healthy Eights often take the initiative whenever they feel anyone is being treated unfairly, especially if the Eight believes the person is too weak to defend themselves.
Fairness, truthfulness and honesty are the values that Eights usually cherish the most. They don’t have a cerebral definition of these qualities, but rather an instinctive understanding of it. Eights often feel that they had to toughen up early in life to avoid being treated unfairly or dishonestly, and their sense of justice will often come from their experience rather than from abstract principles.
In a way, they believe that they must still protect the tender side of their personality (figuratively, the small Eight child that still lives inside of them) and this they accomplish by making it known that they are a force to be reckoned with and that they are the one who are in control. This, of course, is where many problems start.
The powerful bear, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Eight
Core Mechanism
Eights belong to the Body triad, and they are the type that most directly and emphatically expresses their bodily energy. Out of all the nine types, Eights are the one with the most willpower, stamina and endurance.
In general, an Eight’s more or less subconscious drive is for independence, like all Body types. Eights achieve independence by either submitting others and being in control of the situation or by preventing others from submitting them. They have a strong sense of who is in charge of any situation, and they often look for ways to make those people know that they (the Eight) are not to be messed with.
An Eight’s greatest fear is of appearing weak, either in front of themselves or, even worse, in front of others. They have a sneaking suspicion that there is a weak point in them that they need to protect, often coming from some childhood event that left a mark. To compensate, they often act overconfident and cocky, and it is not unheard of that they will actively look for a fight, either physical or psychological.
Well-adjusted Eights are capable of using their endless drive in productive and fair ways, and their general sense of justice makes them often heroic. Less well-adjusted Eights can just as easily turn into overbearing villains that force their ways onto others.
Underneath it all, Eights are keenly aware of their vulnerability and deficiencies, and much of their subsequent behavior depends on how they deal with it. If they accept it as a core part of themselves, they can grow and allow others to grow with them, while if they deny it or hide it, it often leads them toward misery for themselves and others.
Passion
Type Eight’s passion is Lust. Lust must not be confined to sexual needs, although Eights may indeed have a strong sex drive. The word “lust” derives from a Proto-Indo-European root which means “to be wanton, unruly“. This is a good description for the Enneagram conception of lust.
Lust is a powerful inclination toward someone or something. The accent here is on “powerful”. Eights have a strong bodily energy, and crave using it to establish themselves and their dominion over anything or anyone outside of themselves. In a way, Eights love the idea of meeting resistance, and they actually respect those that are capable of offering it. By meeting resistance, Eights can overcome it to assert themselves.
When left unbridled, lust can become a source of problems for Eights, as it is a magnet for confrontations, but also because it tends to give them the idea that they simply need to reach for whatever they want and it will be theirs, regardless of what others think and do. This leads to the typical problem of Eights being wanton and having no self-restraint.
The lack of self-restraint of an Eight is different from that of, say, a Seven, as the latter seeks variety and fears confinement, while Eights seek intensity, even if just in one or two fields.
Unfortunately, the lustful attitude of an unhealthy to average Eight can lead to people becoming extremely resentful of them for behaving like the villains of a martial arts movie. As Eights already feel the need to protect themselves by being assertive, when they pick up on people’s less than friendly attitude they can be led to ramping up their aggression, which is obviously a recipe for disaster.
Lust, the passion of Enneagram Type Eight
Misconceptions
It is not uncommon for people to describe Type Eight as the “bad” type. Even when explicit value judgments are absent, Type Eight descriptions tend to be less than flattering. Not that I think the Enneagram should flatter anyone, but we should certainly acknowledge that there is a place for every type.
The reality is that the aggressive mediocrity that rules our spayed and neutered world today is quite allergic to the kind of warrior-like values that Eights tend to embody. Eights are not inoffensive, they are not conciliatory and they don’t give a flying fig about not hurting other people’s emotions. They are, in the best sense of the word, predators, and predators go for the jugular.
This is not to say that Eights must be protected from criticism, either. First of all, they don’t need protection, and second of all, like every type they can become entangled in their own mechanism, with negative consequences for themselves and others.
What is true is that being in front of an average Eight *is* confronting, for two reasons: because Eights’ way of asserting themselves is of confronting others directly, and because people are generally used to exactly the kind of tea-and-cookies social niceties that Eights rarely provide. As with any type, there is plenty of room for others to learn something from Eights.
Wings
8w7: Eights with a Seven wing are generally hard to miss when you come across them. The in-your-face quality of Type Eight is magnified. They tend to be extremely quick-witted, though they are also generally pachydermic in their way of dealing with subtle issues. They rarely complain about anything and are possessed of incredible endurance and willpower.
8w9: Eights with a Nine wing are the archetype of the lioness protecting her cubs. There is a more conciliatory aspect to this subtype, and a tendency to use their power to hold together and protect the important bonds in the Eight’s life (this can be for better or worse). Usually, this subtype is more tranquil and laid back, although it still cultivates its sense of condifence that, in case of need, it can break a bone or two.
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
Often Known As: Epicurean, Enthusiast, Entertainer, Joker (note that names are as limiting as they are revealing.) Sin/Passion: Gluttony Focus: on options to experience pleasure Fear: of suffering and being left without options Energy Center: Head (energy is transformed) Social Stance: Assertive Key Positive Traits (embodied at their best): Positive, Fun, Friendly, Active, Good planner, Anticipating, Excited and exciting, Energetic, Colorful, Playful, Spontaneous, Casting a wide net, Smart (and often street-smart), Multifaceted, Practical, Quick-witted, An enjoyer of life, Entertaining, A magnet for people and for odd, whimsical adventures Key Negative Traits (embodied at their worst): Shallow, Manic, Falling for every silly novelty, Excusing away own lack of restraint, Scattered, Wasteful, Materialistic, Impatient, Delusional in assessing own abilities, Hyperactive, Making rash decisions that come back to bite them, Sense that if they stop one second something “wrong” or “bad” may surface within them Growth and Stress Directions: to Five and One respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Seven highlighted
Introduction
Everyone has someone in their life who always seems to be in the right place for something odd, fun or remarkable to happen to them. Even when they relate their experience as if it were a nuisance, these people manage to put a funny spin on it, turning it into the subject of a story that everyone can laugh at. These people may be Sevens on the Enneagram.
Sevens are always seemingly upbeat and positive. Possessing an endless reservoir of energy and as wide an array of interests toward which to funnel this energy, they appear to go through life in search of the next exciting thing.
Sevens don’t necessarily look for the spotlight, but still they often shine in group settings, where they grab people’s attention with their colorful personality and their ability to connect over their many interests. In fact, Sevens tend to cultivate a variety of hobbies and personal interests, often achieving more than other people in a shorter period of time.
A Seven is not someone who “one day” would like to go see that concert. A Seven is the person who’s already scouring the internet for tickets and accomodation solutions, even if they’ve promised themselves they would wait a couple of months before spending that much money again.
Sevens love making new experiences and hate feeling held back or limited in their options. They live for the thrill and they are often found planning the next one. When the experience is over, they may be a little sad, but low moods rarely last very long with Sevens. They always find a way to cheer up and move on to the next thing. This may sometimes cause trouble as it leaves negative feelings unelaborated and may end up in rash decisions.
The colorful parrot, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Seven
Core Mechanism
On the Enneagram, Sevens belong to the Head triad. This may seem strange, as they do not give off intellectual vibes (note that ‘intellectual’ does not necessarily mean ‘intelligent’). Sevens appear very much to be doers. And yet, Sevens are also great planners. Just as Fives seek to anticipate the world as a whole and Sixes seek to anticipate what might cause them pain or fear, Sevens seek to anticipate pleasure. This is how they use their head.
In Sevens, the urge for safety that characterizes all Head types is transformed into an active quest for enjoyment. Sevens fear pain and sorrow. Thus, they fill their lives with what philosopher and mathematician Blaise Pascal called ‘divertissements’, that is, distractions. Although Sevens appear hardy and resilient, they actually have a low tolerance for inner pain or existential dread. Therefore, their lust for adventure is actually a flight from these conditions.
This is behind Sevens’ tendency to “skim” through life, fueled by their fear of missing out and being stuck with the present. Not that the present is inherently bad for them. They can appreciate it. But they appreciate it in so far as it is one of the many things they can and will enjoy. When it becomes the sole thing, then Sevens’ attention, being confined within the narrow space of existing conditions, turns toward the more negative side of their life, which is what they want to avoid.
And yet, the more they force variety and diversity into their life, the more this variety becomes shallow. Since Sevens are often anything but stupid, they perceive this, and they are prompted to flee even further into more meaningless variety.
Passion
Gluttony is the passion of Enneagram Type Seven. As with all types, we must read the term ‘gluttony’ figuratively. The gluttony of Type Seven manifests in their general tendency to seek variety and always new experiences to ‘consume’, and always being afraid of remaning stuck with the thing you have and missing out on the world out there.
Sevens want to fill their life with experiences. The idea of staying put is very much alien to them, because as soon as their life begins feeling stale or samey, a sense of wrongness begins to surface, and the negative feelings that they seek distraction from become loud.
Interestingly, Sevens usually fear being in a situation of lack, want or dearth. They tend to have a sensual, materialistic streak. However, their gluttony can jeopardize their sense of security if left unbridled, as the person may end up overspending, overeating, overdoing, developing addictions, etc.
Healthy Sevens are generally capable of exerting some self-restraint when needed, but unhealthy ones feel that lack of variety and change makes the world close in on them. This can cause them to drop the toy they are playing with as soon as they eye the next shiny trinket. It is not uncommon, for instance, for Sevens to try to initially compromise with themselves: “I’ll get the new thing I want when the paycheck comes” only to be unable to help themselves and just going in the red. This is just an example, of course, but it paints an accurate picture.
Gluttony, the passion of Enneagram Type Seven
Misconceptions
A common misconception about Sevens is that they cannot make commitments and are unreliable friends. This is not true. Though Sevens may have a number of acquaintances and fair-weather friends with whom they do not care to take things very far, they are extremely loyal to the people they consider important in their life.
As with people, so with activities. It is true that Sevens may often be unwilling to persevere in things (some hobbies, for instance) once the rush wears off unless they have managed to organize their life around it, but there is almost always a handful of activities to which a Seven devotes themselves wholeheartedly.
Another typical misconception is that Sevens are always extroverted. Extroversion is not something that the Enneagram can measure. Although there may be a statistical correlation between introversion with certain types and extroversion with certain other types, there is never a causal connection.
Sevens move toward people not necessarily because they are extroverted (though they may be) but because their behavior leads to them interacting with people, even when it is not the main goal.
Finally, I’ve come across descriptions, especially on socials, that state that Sevens are never depressed. As depression is a mental condition, it can develop in anyone with a mind, and has no connection with one’s Enneagram type.
Wings
7w6: Sevens with a Six wing often have a more noticeable anxious note. Excellent planners, their quest for entertainment often ends up involving other people, as this subtype tends to be in high demand among potential friends and acquaintances. Friendly and upbeat, they often appear approachable. Compared to the other wing, 7w6 may sometimes be held back by fear from going after what they want, though often they end up going after it anyway and worry later.
7w8: Sevens with an Eight wing have a stronger presence, and can have the eightish air of someone you don’t want to mess with. Compared to the other wing, they are more likely to jump eagerly into situations without forethought, and will often quickly go get what they want. These Sevens often have a decidedly sensual bent, and want to surround themselves with all the means of satisfying their desires.
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
Often Known As: Doubter, Skeptic, Loyalist, Underdog (note that names are as limiting as they are revealing.) Sin/Passion: Fear Focus: on security Fear: of not finding any stable protection Energy Center: Head (energy is suppressed) Social Stance: Compliant Key Positive Traits (embodied at their best): Dependable, Friendly, Supportive, Dutiful, Mild, Reasonable, Gregarious, Courageous, Cooperative, Group-conscious, Good partner, A buddy, With good hunches, Encouraging, Loyal, Funny, Hardy, Good at foreseeing problems Key Negative Traits (embodied at their worst): Fearful, Critical, Cynical, Cowardly, Mindless, Ideological, Catastrophizing, Alternating between following blindly and rebelling blindly, between conformism and mutiny, A deer in the headlights, Given to unwarranted fight or flight behavior Growth and Stress Directions: to Nine and Three respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Six highlighted.
Introduction
In a way, Type Six represents Joe Citizen. Supportive, generally friendly, Sixes are usually mild-mannered and dependable with others. They tend to form strong and stable bonds and they are normally there for the people they have bonded with. Often capable of a great spirit of sacrifice in the name of fairness and friendship, they are always willing to fight for the underdog and try to be good neighbors with their fellow humans.
They often have incredible hunches that almost invariably turn out to be true. This is nothing supernatural. It is the consequence of a life spent trying to anticipate and prevent uncertainties and dangers. When a Six tells you that something is off about someone or something, they are probably right.
Sixes value loyalty–loyalty to ideas and to people. It is rare for them to question the motives of people they trust, and they usually go well out of their way to justify friends and associates. There is little they dislike more than untrustworthy people and traitors. They also occasionally display an obdurate unwillingless to trust others and have trouble with authority figures (unless they blindly trust them).
Sixes often have a good sense of humor, but also a cynical streak. Occasionally they make skeptical remarks that feel unwarranted or exaggerated, and they are seldom satisfied with the level of proof required by others in order to feel confident in a situation: Sixes need more.
The defenseless lamb, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Six
Core Mechanism
It is incredibly hard to pin down Type Six in a single description. In a way, it is the most complex type. Sixes can and often do showcase opposite tendencies at different times, or even at the same time, and sometimes it is hard to see what links them to other Sixes. From a behavioral standpoint, Sixes are probably the most heterogeneous Enneagram type.
Sixes often swing between extremes of obedience and rebellion, mindless acceptance and rejection, aggression and passivity, fight and flight, faith and skepticism. The reason is that they lack any inner sense of certainty about life.
In the introduction I said that Sixes are always willing to fight for the underdog. This is because Sixes often feel like they are underdogs. Their worldview is one of great uncertainty. In a way, Sixes feel like they have been cast into the world with no protection–a world full of wolves that are waiting to attack.
Sixes are a Head type, but unlike the major head type, Fives, who trust only their own mind and relish in endless doubt and uncertainty, Sixes don’t trust themselves to have something figured out for good, but they do want to figure it out for good. Their mental processes are forever undermining their choices and their sense of certainty: “What if this happens? What if that happens? What is the worst that could happen?”
To compensate for their lack of inner guidance, Sixes seek a source of guidance outside of themselves (something Fives would never do). Once this source of guidance (which may be a person, a political ideology, a religion, an institution, etc.) is selected, the Six is unlikely to question them, and will become a brave little soldier fighting for the cause. Sixes also tend to find strength in number and in networking with other people they deem dependable, often on the assumption that they are all potential victims of this uncertain world and so they can help each other.
As soon as the cracks start showing in whatever source of certainty the Six has selected (after all, nothing and no one is perfect one hundred percent of the times) Sixes may try to overlook them by becoming more mindless, but if the cracks become impossible to ignore, Sixes turn on their “protectors” becoming the stereotype of the torch-bearing villagers. Once the rebellion is over, Sixes look for another anchor, and the cycle starts over.
Passion
The passion of Enneagram Type Six is Fear. To understand this we must take a step back and recognize that fear is, in a way, the foundation of every form of life. As soon as an organism exists, it seeks to perpetuate itself and to avoid what damages it, which it fears.
Sixes embody this idea in a visceral and almost archetypal way. Their primary concern is with their safety (and that of the people they care about, of course). Their fear stems from the fact that they cannot find anything around them that they can one hundred percent rely upon.
This leads them to their famous trait of catastrophizing about everything under the sun. Paradoxically, Sixes do this because it calms them, as it allows them to come up with endless Plans B (and C, and D) in case something goes south.
Unfortunately, their fear interferes with this focus on certainties, as eventually they’ll manage to poke a hole even in their fifth, sixth and seventh wheel, leading to a breakdown of their view of reality as it is, and not in a positive sense.
Fear is the constant companion of a Six’s life. It manifests as an ocean of variables when they don’t know what or whom to trust; when they have found this solid rock, fear manifests as a mute, nagging sensation that all is not well, that something is escaping them and will bite them in the ass one day.
In relation to the passion of fear, we distinguish two possible reactions on the Six’s part: the phobic reaction, which consists in running away from fear, and the contraphobic reaction, which consists in ramming through fear (if you’ve seen a herbivore attack a predator in a fearful frenzy, you’ve seen a contraphobic Six). Most Sixes fall somewhere between the two extremes, but some crystallize on one end or the other of the spectrum.
Fear, the passion of Enneagram Type Six
Misconceptions
A common misconception about Sixes is that, because they tend to undermine people’s credibility when they do not fully trust them, they are personally out to get them. Although it can be difficult to deal with a Six in these circumstances, their cynicism and snide remarks are not to be taken personally (which does not make them acceptable, of course).
Sixes are constantly looking for an anchor, something in the world that they can rely on, something that won’t change or be found faulty. As is often the case with psychological mechanisms, other people are simply casualities in our war with ourselves. Knowing this can help you in defusing difficult situations.
Another common misconception is that, because Hitler was supposedly a contraphobic Six, then every contraphobic Six is Hitler or a potential serial killer. I’ve heard this from a number of supposed authorities on the Enneagram. In an age where all it takes to be called Hitler is to mildly disagree with someone with funny hair, it should perhaps be pointed out that, since most Sixes have contraphobic tendencies buried more or less deep within them, and since Six is probably the most common type, it would be silly to say that more than one ninth of the population is made up of deranged dictators, but maybe this is a conversation for a more sane age.
Under normal circumstances, a contraphobic Six is simply someone who has a tendency to react to fear by moving toward and against it (it’s the “fight” part of “fight or flight”). This is not in itself a negative thing. It is just yet another survival strategy.
Wings
6w5: Sixes with a Five wing have definite intellectual, even scientific bent. They are very systematic in their survey of all possibilities, variables and factors, and they are likewise very systematic in their attempt at finding the solution to all of them. They often come up with ponderous defenses of the ideas that give them certainty, which tend to be somewhat more conventional than the ideas a pure Type Five might be interested in, but less than what a pure Six would find comforting.
6w7: Sixes with a Seven wing are very friendly and very entertaining. They often have a sharp sense of humor and a tendency to like and to be liked by others. The Six’s strategy to make friends with everyone so as not to end up eaten by wolves finds application, in part, through the Seven-ish drive toward enjoying time with others and networking. Less intellectual and more practical in their orientation, they fare well in social contexts, especially in group efforts.
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
Often Known As: Observer, Thinker, Investigator, Philosopher (note that names are as limiting as they are revealing.) Sin/Passion: Avarice Focus: on competence and knowledge Fear: of being incompetent Energy Center: Head (energy is asserted) Social Stance: Withdrawing Key Positive Traits(embodied at their best): Analytical, Objective, Unsentimental, Penetrating, Philosophical, Deep, Focused, Unswayed by mass opinion, Independent, Offbeat, Whimsical, Original, Humorous in presenting own observations, Good at making distinctions and connecting disparate subjects and details Key Negative Traits (embodied at their worst): Remote, Unavailable, Preoccupied, Sardonic, Socially inept, Self-isolating, Secretive, Unwilling to share, Impractical, Hyperfixated on trivia, Relishing in proving others wrong, Argumentative, Rational but unreasonable, Hair-splitting, Nihilistic, Destructive, Emotionally constipated Growth and Stress Directions:to Eight and Seven respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Five highlighted
Introduction
Fives are the unmistakable intellectuals of the Enneagram. Cool-headed, detached and curious, they rarely speak on what they aren’t sure about, and they usually find it hard to connect with people on an emotional level.
A Five’s expertise is often precious for those that need a pointer, although Fives may not always be willing to share it, as they tend to be very selective with their social contacts. In fact, they almost seem to have a tendency to disappear in interpersonal contexts. If they show up at all at social events, you will likely find them in a corner or outside, absorbed in their own inner discourse.
Fives are often innovative in their way of thinking, not necessarily because they are contrarians (this is often more the case with other types) but because they don’t let conventional prejudices taint their reasoning, which means that they will uphold any view that they find rational, regardless of its popularity or the controversies surrounding it, and even regardless of their personal preference.
Offbeat and eccentric in their interests, Fives would love to live in a world where people put their emotional reaction to things aside and simply use their heads. Fives find it very easy to do, as this is precisely part of their survival strategy: feelings just cloud reality, so better keep them to yourself and take an objective look at things.
They have a tendency to live in their head, with the consequence that they look ill at ease with their physical existence, where they often appear clumsy like fish out of water. They easily feel intruded upon by others and consequently develop very strong boundaries, keeping any but their closest friends at arm’s length.
The hiding tortoise, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Five
Core Mechanism
Fives are a Head type, and they rely on their considerable intellectual power to get by. They process the world in terms of information, facts, logical relations and concepts. They grow their notions organically rather, like unfolding crystals, developing them coherently without regard with their own personal feelings and preferences.
Out of all the types, Fives are the most likely to follow premises to their logical conclusions without batting an eye if they don’t like the conclusions. Sometimes, due to their mental prowess, Fives reach conclusions almost intuitively, embracing large quantities of rational passages in the blink of an eye. Their thinking process is rarely linear. The speed of their rational mind is a counterpart to their awkwardness on the physical plane.
Fives’ reliance on their mind is primarily a defense against the uncertainty of the world. Fives feel small and powerless compared to the vast unpredictable universe around them. They seek to remedy their sense of impotence by accumulating knowledge, often in very specialistic and abstruse fields, which become their anchor in times of turbulence.
As they accumulate knowledge, they retreat from the world, often developing frugal habits. Ideally, they feel that one day they will know enough to be able to join the world as competent individuals who are capable of performing normally. Unfortunately, for many Fives such time never comes.
The world becomes a distraction from their absorption in more and more abstruse layers of thought. Human interaction is often dialed down to a minimum and everything, even well-meaning attempts at socializing, is perceived as an intrusion, a waste of energy and/or time.
While healthy Fives are often capable of surprising and deep insights and manage to integrate themselves, less healthy individuals paint themselves into a corner where the only thing they can do is digging further into the same arcane topics and their distance from their fellow humans widens, incommunicability grows, others are seen as idiots who simply do not understand the subtlety of their vision, the world becomes more unpredictable and dangerous, and this cycle continues.
Passion
Avarice is the passion of Enneagram Type Five. As with many types, this is to be taken figuratively. Fives are rarely attached to money or material possessions, and they tend rather to become minimalists and to learn to do without whatever is not a bare necessity.
This is partly because they feel that having too many needs will put them in danger of being dependent on others or on outside factors they feel unable to control, and it will therefore increase their chances of not meeting those needs, so they learn to go without the unessential.
Avarice, as far as Type Five is concerned, is referred mainly to their tendency to withhold themselves from the world and from others. Fives have a keen awareness of how much energy they feel they can spend on any given day, and they administer it very sparingly. It is as if their fuel gauge were constantly in the red, and contact with other people were extremely draining.
Therefore, they go without the human contact they cannot avoid, and when they do accept contact this is usually an unspoken sign of great appreciation for the person: it means the person is so in tune with the Five that the Five does not consider them a hinderance to their energetic survival.
Fives are elusive to most people: even when they are there with you, you cannot really tell what they are thinking or feeling. This is because the act of opening up is energetically costly for them, as it implies an act of trust, and Fives are usually only capable of trusting themselves, even though ideally they long for people to open up with.
Avarice, the passion of Enneagram Type Five
Misconceptions
There is a tendency on other people’s part to think that Fives don’t have feelings, mostly because Fives don’t show them. Unless they suffer from specific mental illnesses (which any type can suffer from) this is not true.
Fives do have an often rather intense emotional life and are often incredibly sensitive, but because they don’t know how to deal with it, they learn to put these feelings into brackets, sometimes resorting to thinking them rather than feeling them.
They normally see their feelings as something that has no bearing on the world, on how things really are, and on some level feel they must not visit their emotional issues on others (of course, they expect the same in return.) However, unhealthy Fives can become so detached from their concrete life that they fail to locate anything within themselves except arid mental abstractions.
Deep down, Fives would love to find someone with whom they can open up about their emotions, but depending on how entangled they are in their mechanism, this can take quite a while, because they are not used to giving importance to subjective reactions.
Furthermore, Fives tend to feel very easily rejected by others, in part because they expect people will find their personal presence as intolerable and intrusive as Fives usually find the personal presence of others. Therefore, anything except the most ideal response to a Five’s intimate feelings is interpreted by them as proof that they should have kept those feelings to themselves and that they are silly anyway.
Wings
5w4: Fives with a Four wing tend to have a melancholic and poetic streak to them. Their ceaseless intellectual activity is both personal and universal and often has an autobiographical slant (think Nietzsche). More rhapsodic and less systematic than other Fives, they usually dislike canned notions and beaten paths and have a certain aesthetic appreciation of the truth. Deeply individualistic and somewhat aristocratic in their demeanor, they often come into conflict with the prevailing ideas of what is acceptable and become easily disdainful of them.
5w6: Fives with a Six wing are usually more clearly intellectual and somewhat more conventional in their reasoning style and possibly their interests. Nervous and high-strung, they are good at systematically formulating and probing hypotheses. They are more clearly detached from their feelings and their explorations have less to do with their own life and more to do with life in itself (think Darwin). Out of the two variants, Fives with a Six wing tend to fare better in academic and scientific settings, although this is more due to the Six wing than the Five type, as Fives in themselves are not especially academically minded (Fives often don’t give a rat’s behind about academic conventions)
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
Often Known As: Achiever, Doer, Competitor, Performer (note that names are as limiting as they are revealing.) Sin/Passion: Deceit Focus: on what’s valuable or praiseworthy Fear: of not embodying what’s valuable or praiseworthy Energy Center: Heart (energy is suppressed) Social Stance: Assertive Key Positive Traits (embodied at their best): Energetic, Practical, Admirable, Driven, Well-presenting, Competent, Performing, Adaptable, Competitive, Attention-grabbing, Excelling, Hard-working, Busy, Organized, Has it together Key Negative Traits (embodied at their worst): Inauthentic, Vain, Pleasing, Performative, Ruthless in competition, Obsessed with the prize at the end, Phony, Shallow, Shapeshifting, Attention-seeking, Self-aggrandizing, A facade with nothing behind Growth and Stress Direction: to Six and Nine respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Three highlighted
Introduction
Everyone knows them. They are the well-adjusted cool kids, the popular ones with the winning smile, the employees of the month, those who are probably going to snatch the promotion from under your nose. Some people simply give off an aura of success, and Threes are those kind of people.
Hard-working, endlessly adaptable and capable of presenting themselves in the best light possible, Threes are often role models for many of us. They embody the ideal of the self-made man or woman who has it together and is going places in life. If they have a talent (and they usually have more than one) Threes are those who tirelessly cultivate it until it makes them shine.
Threes are also very good at picking up on social cues, which gives them the ability to integrate into a variety of environments and be always perceived as just the right person in the right place. And they like this, because admiration and validation is very important to them. You will rarely find them in contexts where there is little chance for them to earn praise.
Inwardly, Threes feel a constant drive to outdo themselves, and they are indefatigable in this. However, in the process they may sacrifice their authenticity, and they may even feel that they have lost themselves by adhering to their character too much. Sometimes this may lead to a real identity crisis, as they realize that the image that they have submitted to others for validation either doesn’t satisfy them or doesn’t match their inner reality.
the haughty peacock, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Three (the chamelon would have been another choice)
Core Mechanism
Threes’ focus tends to be on their image. They are an inherently social type, which doesn’t automatically mean that they are extroverted–they may be, but as far their Enneagram type is concerned, all this means is just that they derive their sense of worth from the social framework in which they move and act.
In this sense, Threes are one of the types that represent humanity at large, since obviously everyone’s sense of being valuable derives, at least in part, from social acceptance. However, the mechanism of a type Three centers exactly around this point, while that of other types tends to focus elsewhere.
Somehow, Threes have absorbed the message that their performance is more important than their authentic self. This can derive from a variety of personal, family and social backgrounds, but in general Threes find their validation as people comes only from either playing a part or pleasing others by achieving certain results, regardless of how this relates to the Three’s feelings.
The obvious message that the little Three got from this is that their feelings don’t count: presentation counts, doing counts, status counts, excelling counts. This realization, deeply absorbed and integrated into their worldview, sets Threes on their path of achieving whatever they believe is going to give them the validation that they intimately feel they won’t receive just by being themselves.
For some Threes, their true feelings are something that they “put away” for when they will have time to sort through them, that is, after they have done what they are supposed to do to achieve what they think they must achieve. Unfortunately, this moment rarely comes, as something more important always pops up.
Sin/Passion
The passion of Enneagram Type Three is Deceit. Sometimes it is called Vanity, Delusion or Falsehood. Deceit is not really a passion as much as one of the fundamental forces that drive human nature. We are creatures of dissimulation, for better or for worse (and there are indeed good sides to this.) It represents the fundamental act of creating a self-image and submitting it to others for approval.
This is done because a self-image is always a relatively arbitrary selection of personal traits that we decide we embody or ought to embody. Because of its arbitrary nature, a self-image is nothing unless it gains interpersonal acceptance so as to become stable. It is not unlike roleplaying, except we actually believe this.
Threes’ self-deception comes from overidentifying with this image and seeking always more validation for it. This leads others to sometimes perceive Threes as salesmen or saleswomen trying to sell them something–this something is actually nothing material, it’s this image. In this sense, Threes tend to try to drag others into their roleplay, which can lead from self-deception to deception of other people.
While healthy Threes can learn to laugh at themselves and their excessive attention to social standards, average to unhealthy Threes are perennially engaged in a sales pitch to sell themselves, or rather their successful self-image, trying to get the validation that they feel they lack. If this validation doesn’t come, the experience can be very hurtful for the Three, who will usually either double down or, if the cause is lost, they will seek other avenues.
Deceit, the passion of Enneagram Type Three
Misconceptions
Among the key negative traits I listed “a facade with nothing behind.” This was harsh, and it is not *really* true: structually, Threes do not differ from any of the other types. However, because of their emphasis on achieving, it is not uncommon for people to believe that Threes are actually rather empty once you peel off the veneer of success.
This would be really unfair. As long as the person does not suffer from some dark triad pathology, there is a real human being under the mask. Unfortunately, this is hard even for Threes to understand, as somehow they have absorbed the message that their performance is what truly matters about them.
It is not uncommon, in their path of self-discovery, for Threes to feel that, once they discard what they do to conform to certain standards, there isn’t much that they feel their being gravitates around, because they are not used to looking for it.
This leads us to another misconception: that of the Three as a machine without feelings, solely concentrated on achieving the end-result. Just like Fives, Threes tend to be seen as unsentimental, but unlike Fives, who are downright uncomfortable showing their emotional depth, Threes do show feelings when there are social cues that tell them it’s the appropriate time to show the appropriate feelings. It’s part of the performance.
This, in turn, can lead some to seeing Threes as inauthentic. But this doesn’t mean that Threes don’t have true feelings underneath the crust of socially acceptable feelings. It’s just that these feelings have been suppressed because devalued or scorned during the formative years.
Wings
3w2 Threes with a Two wing tend to have a sweeter, more pleasing demeanor. Their interpersonal qualities are usually cranked up, and their focus in obtaining validation has often more to do with fields that allow for helping others or that allow the person to feel useful and needed. They can have a stronger sense of community and of what holds the community together, but they are driven to excel within it. If 2w3 is the mom who organizes the neighborhood’s pie contest, 3w2 is the stereotype of the mom winning the award.
3w4 Threes with a Four wings usually stand out from the rest and are driven to stand out from the rest more decisively. Themes of uniqueness tend to surface, although it is still a somewhat stereotyped kind of uniqueness, the socially accepted kind. Furthermore, they tend to project a glamorous image and to have a rather refined taste. They are, in a way, the archetype of the hollywood star doing something outlandish at a screening or on the red carpet to get the first page.
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
Often Known As: Helper, Caregiver, Lover (note that names are as limiting as they are revealing.) Sin/Passion: Pride Focus: On other people’s needs Fear: Of not being needed and/or loved Energy Center: Heart (energy is asserted) Social Stance: Compliant Key Positive Traits (embodied at their best): Warm, Helpful, Loving, Empathetic, Personable, Giving, Accepting, Nurturing, Emotional, Capable of sacrificing themselves for others, Altruistic, Positive Key Negative Traits(embodied at their worst): Manipulative, Codependent, Flattering, Possessive, Subtly tyrannical, Taking up space in others’ lives to find meaning, Clingy, Denying own needs, hopes and aims, Sense of being unworthy of love Growth and Stress Direction: to Four and Eight respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Two highlighted.
Introduction
Twos are usually immediately recognizable for their marked interpersonal qualities. Sweet, caring and warm-hearted, Twos tend to take up the role of the good friend, the older sibling or the good parent in people’s lives. There is a wonderful softness to their way of dealing with others, which makes them appear more inviting and attractive.
Twos are the type of people who show up with that one thing you once mentioned in passing that you liked and never thought about it again. The Two, however, did think about it again, as they often keep their ear on the ground for signals of the other’s wishes, so that they may help them.
Twos take other people’s needs and problems very seriously, and treat them almost as a personal mission. If someone is ready to deprive themselves of something to make another happy, that’s Enneagram Type Two. Often, it seems as though possibilities suddenly become endless with the help of a Two, as they are capable not only of seeing the bright side of things, but also of acknowledging other people’s talents, possibilities and unrecognized options.
In general, Twos are capable of making other people flourish and they themselves flourish when taking care of others. However, with their focus on others’ needs, Twos can become too involved in others’ lives and may forget to take care of themselves, and occasionally this may lead to unspoken resentment toward others–unspoken, that is, until the other disappoints them.
The sweet puppy, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Two
Core Mechanism
Twos are deeply focused on other people’s needs, aims, and aspirations, and may even seem to deny their own in order to help others meet theirs. Out of all the Enneagram Types, Type Two is the one that comes the closest to the archetype of the mother or of the caregiver. They tend to make others feel embraced and seen, and are capable of consoling and helping them see the bright side of everything. In a way, Twos almost seem to exist solely to be in the other’s life.
And this is where problems start, because even though healthy Twos can be truly selfless, average Twos most certainly aren’t. Twos need to be needed, and this stems from their subconscious belief that they are, in themselves, unworthy of love, acknowledgment or consideration, or of having their own needs met.
In this sense, an average Two sees taking care of others as a required detour toward themselves and their own needs. This can lead to various forms of projection. For instance, in the past my husband, a Two, sometimes asked me if I needed to pee or if I was hungry, when what he truly meant was “I need to pee” or, “I’m hungry.” Because they have learned to put other people’s needs before theirs, Twos only feel justified in meeting their own needs by helping others. More dangerously, sometimes Twos manipulate others into believing they want what the Two wants.
Another notious consequence of the Two mechanism is that, in besieging the other with attentions, Twos usually attach quite a number of strings to their favors. In their attempt to meet the other’s needs and even to anticipate them, Twos often stretch themselves thin. What they want in return is not necessarily anything material, but it usually involves a constant and clear acknowledgment of the Two’s central importance in the person’s life. When something goes south (“I didn’t even ask for that”) Twos can feel slighted. They then engage in recriminatory behavior and in making the other feel unworthy of their care.
Sin/Passion
Type Two’s passion is Pride. At first this may sound strange, as Twos can sometimes appear, if not bashful, at least meek, and they usually have a tendency to put others on a pedestal or in the limelight, rather than themselves. However, this only appears to be the case at a superficial level of consideration.
Although healthy Twos really are meek, humble and loving, the core of an average Two’s psychological structure is the tendency toinflate their ego to negate the autonomy of outside reality and of other people. All Heart types struggle with their self-image. Twos want their self-image validated in some form by others, which in turn implies the dreadful possibility of not being acknowledged or recognized.
The mere possibility of this happening is intolerable for a Two, as not having their self-image validated can be akin to not being truly there, and therefore of dying, at least metaphorically. This is truly an existential threat, as once their image of themselves is shattered, Twos must face their aloneness and neediness, that is, their helplessness in front of reality.
To avoid this, proud Twos ‘inflate’ themselves to take up space in other people’s lives, meeting their needs and seeking to become their ‘all’, with the tacit aim of feeling important, loved, acknowledged, validated. They usually do this with sweetness, but also by manipulating others as the need arises, and trying to forge deep, symbiotic bonds. Pride is this inflation of the ego, in the attempt to substitute reality with it, so that there is no risk of disillusion. When the other seeks freedom from the Two’s clutches, the Two reacts by tearing down the other as unworthy of the Two’s attention. Here the pride becomes, from metaphorical, very real.
Pride, the passion of Enneagram Type Two
Misconceptions
One of the main misconceptions I see repeated on Type Two is that they always want to be with other people. Sometimes I even come across descriptions of Twos as party people. A Two may or may not be a party person, but this has little to do with the type mechanism itself.
The reality is that Twos simply are unable to be alone, but this doesn’t automatically mean they want to be with others. Twos’ awareness tends to concentrate on the point where their life intersect the lives of others. Even when they are alone in a room, they are rarely truly by themselves.
Many tasks that Twos perform while alone they often subconsciously justify in front of themselves as good for others. Even cultivating a personal hobby is twisted as a form of service toward others so that the Two can justify enjoying it. In fact, sometimes even the mere act of resting may be seen as ‘taking a breather so later I can take care of useful things better.’
Again, this says nothing about a Two’s willingless to be with people–let alone with many people. It simply shows that a Two, regadless of how introverted or extroverted they are, tends to justify their actions in terms of the needs of other people rather than their own. This is all part of the process whereby a Two decides their own reality, manipulating themselves into believing or doing something.
Wings
2w1 – Twos with a One wing tend to have a tidy, neat, organized streak. More driven by rules and ideals and a bit less by norms, they often put their great organizational skills and unending drive for improvement in the service of their self-image as helpers of others, usually seen as needy and incapable of taking care of themselves and their surroundings. This is true for any Two, but the One wing accentuates the aspect of seeing oneself as the one who can do things right, especially for the good of others.
2w3 – Twos with a Three wing have a more marked tendency toward keeping up appearances. They tend to be more driven by societal norms and notions of ‘nicety.’ Their image among their peers is usually quite important to them, and they often try to do as much as possible to improve it and polish it. The creation of interpersonal bonds is taken on with the additional aim of being seen in one’s best qualities. They are basically the stereotype of the mom organizing the neighborhood’s contest for best apple pie.
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
