Tag Archives: personality

Spirituality and Psychology, Uncategorized

Same Behavior, Different Motivations

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In Enneagram work, what matters is not so much what we do, but why we do it. Each type is characterized by a core motivation, and even though each core motivation tends to produce, on occasion, similar behaviors across different individuals, relying too much on the what instead of the why can lead us astray.

A Type Two, for instance, might very well be constantly distracted by ideas on how to make themselves useful to others as a way of eliciting love, affection or appreciation. Fives may also try to make themselves useful, but this is usually done in order to boost their sense of being intelligent or capable, that is, of proving to themselves that they are not inept. Of course, the style in which the help is delivered also varies: Twos tend to be personable and warm, while Fives are generally concentrated on giving others facts or conceptual tools.

In many Enneagram groups, a useful exercise is simply that of settling into a meditation, with one’s attention kept on a short leash, and then becoming aware of where the attention naturally drifts to. Our core mechanism is so ingrained in us that it often takes conscious effort to act contrary to it, and even then, the mechanism that we push out of the door comes back through the window (the typical example is that of a Two who consciously tries not to be helpful, and ends up justifying it to himself or herself by saying “so I can catch my breath to be more helpful in the future”).

This exercise is very useful, but we need, again, not to concentrate too much on the what. Sometimes our attention is caught by thoughts that appear random, but once the motivation behind those thoughts is questioned, the Enneatype becomes clear. For instance, a Three’s attention during meditation may drift toward some kind of task that they need to complete, or even simply to what they are going to eat for lunch. There is nothing inherently specific in any of these thoughts, but often the Three will have these thoughts as a reflection of their mechanism, e.g., they may think about what to have for lunch so they can cross that item off their mental to-do list and optimize their schedule.

That being said, there is also another risk, and that is of becoming so fixated on catching ourselves in the act that we forget to live life. Our character is not a curse. It can become one if we wrap it too tightly around our life, but as long as we learn to wear it loosely and see it with some irony, it actually affords us gifts, tools and opportunities.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram – Don’t Think Too Much About It!

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I just had an enlightening conversation with a user who read through the Enneagram section of the blog. They said they have spent a lot of time thinking and reflecting about what type they may be, but aside from excluding one of two types they haven’t made much progress. I want to give my two cents about the issue.

First off, the process of discovering one’s type can last quite a bit. It took me a few months to reduce the choice to either Four or Five, and then a couple of years to understand I am a Five. The magical thing about the Enneagram is that the discovery of one’s type is only the beginning of the journey. The Enneagram is not meant to be yet another checkbox in our bio, though unfortunately it is often reduced to it. Unlike many other personality systems, though, the Enneagram is less a pigeonhole than a map. With this in mind, there’s nothing wrong with taking one’s time.

Secondly, and crucially, often we think way too much about the Enneagram and are mesmerized by it. Sometimes we cease to see reality and we start substituting people–unique individuals–with Enneagram types, and that’s not very helpful, nor is it the aim of the Enneagram. More importantly, when thinking about our type, we tend to intellectualize it overmuch and we get lost in a sea of minutiae. The intellectual side of ourselves must be engaged in the process of discovery (I have nothing to share with the cheap antiintellectualism of the so-called spiritual community), but it cannot be the only criterion.

In reality, our Enneagram type is often most evident when we are not thinking about the Enneagram, because it is ingrained into our everyday behavior, from which we lapse when we start thinking about it with detachment. This is the reason some people say you absolutely need someone else to tell you your type. It is not necessarily true, but there is certainly an advantage to having someone who really knows the Enneagram observe you dispassionately for a while.

In the absence of such a person, the best way sometimes is to just go about our everyday life normally, while keeping the Enneagram just in the back of our mind and occasionally checking in, but without going into overdrive about interpreting our behavior, unless some serious a-ha moment takes place.

Our Enneagram type is sometimes obvious, and sometimes it’s a surprise. It has nothing to do with what type we want to be (I know quite a few people who have deluded themselves into thinking they are Fives because they think they are ‘deep intellectuals’, or Fours because they think they are ‘original and unique’, and or, or or…) Unfortunately, in the abstraction of our own mind, logic can be put in the service of glamour and we may be led astray.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons – Type Seven and Type Nine

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Enneagram Type Seven and Enneagram Type Nine share some similarities, and can therefore be confused. Sevens are a Head type and seek to avoid anxiety and fear by being hyped about things they can enjoy. Nines are a Body type who maintain their sense or independence by being agreeable and positive to avoid causing trouble that might come back to haunt them.

Both Sevens and Nines are known to have a hard time selecting a single thing that they can be or do. Sevens thrive on pursuing variety as this allows them to continue skimming the surface of life in search of the next big thrill and avoid staying with negative emotions for too long. However, Sevens tend to have a rather strong sense of self and of their wants and needs.

Nines on the other hand have a diffuse sense of their identity and do not feel comfortable defining themselves, often sensing that they can resonate with almost anything and anyone. By avoiding taking on a sharp identity, Nines protect themselves from potential trouble by simply passively flowing through it instead of bumping against it.

variety

Both Sevens and Nines have a broadly optimistic worldview. To a Seven, the world is their oyster and they look forward to the next thing to be hyped about. They are excitable and quick, and even when in a situation that they dislike, they can learn to tolerate it in anticipation of something better to come.

Nines by contrast move at a slower pace and have a sense of placid and unassuming satisfaction about them. They do not demand much from life and do not spiral into the manic frenzy of Sevens. In fact, they are very wary of anything that might cause excessive reactions in them. Their sense of optimism takes the form of a generalized, vague it’s-fine-ness that they adopt to avoid having to take a stronger stance, which might open them up to trouble and strife with others.

Both types can be rather superficial. Sevens are superficial in the sense that they remain on the surface of the things that they get excited about and avoid settling down so as to not miss out on the next thing that excites them. Nines are superficial in the sense that they avoid deep emotional or intellectual commitments that might put them in a corner or pit them against others, and so prefer to remain flexible and deal in generalities, which may sometimes sound deep but aren’t.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons – Type Seven and Type Eight

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Enneagram Type Seven and Enneagram Type Eight can be very similar and are often confused. Sevens are a Head type, who cope with their fear, pain and anxiety by getting lost in a world of pleasure-seeking and fun distractions. Eights are a Body type, and they seek to protect their independence by being assertive and bold and forcing others to deal with them and take them into account.

Both Sevens and Eights are very assertive and outgoing on the surface. Sevens find it easy to attract interesting people and adventures, since remaining confined in a routine can cause them to become restless or even to suffer. Eights are more guarded and do not trust people very much, but they do come out of their inner fortress to mark their territory against others and to let them know that they (the Eight) are not to be messed with. Thus they often end up either submitting others or guiding them.

Both types tend to have a somewhat materialistic view of reality and seek earthly pleasures. Generally speaking, Sevens seek variety and change in order to be constantly dazzled and stimulated and stay hyped about something positive, so that they can avoid being sucked into a cycle of fear. Eights on the other hand usually seek intensity in powerful experiences, as they enjoy the feeling of having something outside of them offer them resistance, and they enjoy conquering it in the end, to prove that they are the ones who are still standing (it is typical, for instance, for alcoholic Eights to want to prove that they can handle one more glass).

passion

Both types often come across as action-oriented. Eights attack problems from an instinctive standpoint, throwing brute force (either literal or metaphorical) against the obstacle until it is destroyed. Sevens are more intellectually versatile (not necessarily more intelligent) and they often quickly come up with plans to overcome obstacles in order to reap the rewards, the rewards usually being meterial comfort and/or the ability to pursue their many passions.

Socially, average Eights operate on a friend/enemy level: they quickly sort other people out in either one of the two camps. For them, life is a battle and they need to know whom they are going to defend and whom they are going to attack. Sevens are not naive, but they see the world more as their oyster, and while they know that there are difficult people in the world, they seek to look past them in anticipation of the fun time to be had after dealing with them.

Eights tend to be more unshakably dedicated to the small handful of people they call friends. Sevens are also very good friends, but they also often look to create different groups of friends based on their interests (the group they go dancing with, the group they watch movies with, etc.) although they too often have a small core of best friends.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons – Type Six and Type Nine

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Enneagram Type Six and Enneagram Type Nine are quite distinct from one another, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Six relaxes at Nine, Nine stresses at Six. Sixes are a Head type, and their priority is to find security and certainty in an uncertain world. Nines are a Body type, whose main goal is to not have their inner sense of independence disrupted by disharmonious trends.

Both Six and Nine usually come across as friendly and likeable. Sixes want to prove to others that they are dependable and that they can be allies in facing common struggles. Nines are also broadly supportive of others, but more in the sense that they go with other people’s flow so as to not cause the kind of friction that might disrupt their inner sense of balance as independent individuals (“If I say yes to the invitation she won’t make a fuss”).

Sixes are often found evaluating the risk factors in every situation or assessing other people’s behavior to see if they can trust them, while Nines normally hold a non-descript optimistic view of people and life, and a sense that things will turn out well somehow, to the point where they may deny the existence of objective hurdles and problems. Sixes seek to predict all possible problems, while Nines often look the other way. On the other hand, average to unhealthy Sixes often end up compromising stable or positive situations in an attempt to smoke out hidden threats or enemies that exist only in their head.

Peace

A Six’s strategy for survival generally implies developing a conscience of themselves as a social being (they are the archetype of the ‘member’, whether of a party, a church, an organization, a class, a country, etc.) The Six’s idea of survival implies minimizing risk and uncertainty by handing over the final say on their life decisions to something external (a belief system, a person, a group, etc.) that is perceived as stable or trustworthy. However, once a Six has identified the idea or group they belong to, they can become rather confrontational with that idea’s or group’s enemies.

A Nine’s minimization of problems is more geared toward preserving an inner sense of peace. Swept under the rug of a general, bland “it’s all fine”-ness, external trouble can be denied the status of force that pushes against them. Similarly, in social situations Nines will tend to be agreeable and limber so as to not allow others to perceive resistance in their part that might turn into a power struggle. In other words, by denying a strong reaction, Nines seek to cause the external action to dissipate by itself.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons – Type Six and Type Eight

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Enneagram Type Six and Enneagram Type Eight can be similar, depending on certain factors, but overall they are very different. Sixes are a Head type and are concerned with security and certainty. Eights are a Body type and are concerned with independence and autonomy.

Sixes often tend to be sheepish, friendly, helpful and gregarious. They look for external points of reference that can give them the security they feel they lack (whether this point of reference be a leader, an idea, a group or something else). Eights are much more maverick-like, usually fight for themselves (and for those they wish to protect) and don’t usually need external frames of reference. In fact, they may despise them. If Eights are warriors, Sixes are worriers.

However, Sixes can also act in a radically different way when they enter their contraphobic stance, when they stop running away from fear and tackle it head-on. When this happens, Sixes can be very similar to Eights in that they act in an bold, fierce way that could even come across as arrogant or smug. The main difference between an Eight and a contraphobic Six is that the contraphobic Six still acts based on their deep fears. They are like herbivores charging against the predator.

courage

Socially, Sixes generally adopt a friendly stance. They hope to come across as those fun, dependable fellas you’d take inside and defend if the zombie apocalypse they fear should actually happen. They have a strong sense of the importance of safety nets, since they are forever catastrophizing and thinking about worst case scenarios and since they feel helpless in front of an uncertain world.

Eights rarely act like this. They are usually fierce and even overconfident. Their strategy is to force others to see them as either a threat they want to stay away from or a point of reference to gravitate around, submitting to their guidance. If Sixes try to poke holes in every certainty they have in order to see if if it is, in fact, certain, Eights can often jump the gun, confident they can bend the world to their will by sheer power.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons – Type Six and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type Six and Enneagram Type Seven are quite distinct, but they do share a number of traits, especially on a superficial level. Both are Head types. Sixes feel insecure in the world, and therefore seek guidance from someone or something. Sevens also act from a place of insecurity, but they flip the script by moving toward the world with endless ideas in mind on how to enjoy it to avoid staring too much at their inner disquiet.

One of the most obvious common traits is that both Sixes and Sevens tend, on average, to come across as very likeable. Both have often a strong sense of humor (average Fives also have a sense of humor, but it tends to be used to put down others). Sixes tend to want to ingratiate themselves to others to show that they are worth defending or at least not harming. Sevens tend not to be afraid of others but they do tend to look for the entertaining side of their experience of life.

Of the two types, Sixes are the more community-oriented or other-oriented, largely because they feel that effective networking is a positive response to the uncertainties of existence. However, their skeptical side can also end up undermining their efforts as they often blow things out of proportions in an effort to make sure they can trust others, and they are very good (sometimes too good) at poking holes in everything.

humor

Sevens are not necessarily more trusting of others, but their efforts do not revolve around trying to see who they can trust. Instead, Sevens are rather self-reliant go-getters. They know that not everyone can be trusted, but they do not sleep over it, just like they tend not to lose sleep over most negative thoughts, unless they are experiencing peculiar circumstances.

On the other hands, Sevens can sometimes become too relaxed lose their grip on their life by going into almost manic phases of unwarranted optimism, whereas Sixes are cautious and will have thought about most if not all of the consequences of their actions.

Ultimately, Sixes and Sevens move from the same inner experience of anxiety and fear, but react to it in vastly different ways: Sixes by trying to looking for remedies, Sevens by distracting themselves.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons – Type Five and Type Nine

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Enneagram Type Five and Enneagram Type Nine can share some similarities, though they remain vastly different. Nines are a Body type, who seeks to maintain a sense of harmony within themselves and their surrounding by avoiding conflicts that would undermine their sense of autonomy. Fives are a Head type, who withdraw from the world to observe it from a distance and to gain skills that will ideally allow them to succeed.

Both Fives and Nines withdraw from others, but in different ways. Average Nines withdraw their energy and suppress their agenda to avoid it clashing with that of other people. Average Fives withdraw themselves, often physically, or at least emotionally, from social situations.

Nines, however, generally remain friendly and often go with other people’s flow, as long as it doesn’t threaten their inner sense of calm. Fives, on the other hand, have a strong sense of self as opposed to all other, refuse to be swept along in their flow and tend to have a supercilious and combative demeanor that most Nines would never display.

Withdrawing

Internally, Nines usually pacify themselves with happy or comforting thoughts and a positive, if vague, attitude. They tend to think in terms of generalities, which makes them very good at finding common grounds with all humanity at an almost archetypal level. Fives are internally high-strung and constantly mulling over some thought or theory, they disdain generalities and are as laser-focused on details as they are preoccupied with finding their universal significance. Furthermore, in general Nines will stop themselves from trespassing into “scary thought territory”, while Fives will usually willingly go there.

The decisive difference between Nines and Fives is in what drives the two types. Fives are driven by knowledge. At their best they are as wise as they are knowledgeable, at their worst they are obnoxious collectors of obscure trivia. Nines are motivated by peace. At their best they are deeply embracing of themselves and others, at their worst they are dollar-store mystics detached from reality.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons – Type Five and Type Eight

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Enneagram Type Five and Enneagram Type Eight are apparently very different, so much so that they are each other’s arrow on the Enneagram symbol: Five is Eight’s stress point, Eight is Five’s growth point. Fives are a Head type, concerned with security, and tend to find it by removing themselves from the world and observing it from a distance. Eights are a Body type, whose drive for independence leads them to asserting themselves in most situations, even and especially when there is resistance against them.

Interestingly, both Fives and Eights assert the energy of their center: Fives assert the intellectual urge of the Head center, Eights the instinctual urge of the Body center. In this, they both tend to break down opposition on the plane on which they operate: Eights break down physical opposition, often by asserting themselves on others more or less fiercely; Fives assert their mind’s right to be the judge of the truth of this or that idea by breaking it down, rarely accepting it as a given. Both Eights and Fives can be confrontational when unhealthy: Eights physically, Fives intellectually.

Assertion

Both types are strongly concerned with truth. Fives seek to develop a true appraisal of reality beyond social or even academic conventions. Eights usually have a very instinctual conception of the truth (their famous bullshittometer). Fives’ danger is of getting lost in the hair-splitting byzantinisms of their mental process; Eights’ danger is of failing to realize that sometimes their instincts do fail them and not everything is as simple and black-and-white as their guts tell them. Eights usually tend to simplify, Fives to complexify. Both excesses are best curbed.

Socially, both Eights and Fives have an individualistic, maverick-like streak, and both can be socially awkward and be somewhat timid. Yes, this also applies to Eights: as soon as they feel they are out of their depth Eights tend to become withdrawn and insecure, like regular Fives, often out of fear of being called out for being stupid or incompetent (this is Five’s fear, which is Eight’s stress point). Usually, though, Eights, while not necessarily social, tend to be imposing and even demanding. Fives, on the other hand, are almost always distant and even remove themselves physically from contact with others. Fives who have consciously worked on their social skills may, however, develop some of Eight’s bodily confidence.

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons – Type Five and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type Five and Enneagram Type Seven are very different, but they do share some connections, so much so that Seven is the stress point of Five and Five the growth point of Seven. Both are Head types. Fives are intellectual individualists who remove themselves from the world to feel safe from it. Sevens are exciteable planners who seek to escape their inner sense of fear or pain by taking refuge into the opportunities the world seems to offer them.

Both Fives and Sevens are Head-driven, but in vastly different way. Fives are THE brainy type, as they spend the majority of their time in their heads, thinking odd ideas and formulating concepts almost as an aim in itself. For Sevens the mind is declassed to the rank of means in formulating plans for enjoyment and flight from (or rationalization of) the things the Seven fears.

Both Fives and Sevens are very good at establishing connections between disparate things, subjects and ideas that few would ever think of mentioning in the same sentence. Still, they do it in vastly different ways and following different avenues. Sevens usually move on the surface of things, casting a wide net on their multiplicity in a bid to explore as many of them as the Seven wishes to. They enjoy this sense of variety and love having options and freedom, and this almost inevitably leads them to heaping up odd experiences and ideas in never-before-seen patterns. They are, in a way, the Renaissance men and women of the Enneagram.

Fives, on the other hand, delve deeply, with an almost surgical focus, into a single abstruse and socially disregarded idea that interests them until they have broken it into its smallest possible components, which they can reassemble, often with a taste for paradox, into widely different ideas. Then they break them apart again and start over in the same endless process of analysis and synthesis. Since, at the end of the day, everything in the universe is connected with everything else, Fives end up (or at least aim at) possessing the Whole within a single concept by leveraging a single, obsessively developed core idea that allows them access to all other ideas. In other words, Sevens tend to be exploratory, Fives tend to be conceptual.

The Mind’s Eye

Socially, the two types are very different. Sevens, while not necessarily extroverts, are outgoing, in the very real sense that they go out of themselves and toward others, often directly if not bluntly. Fives tend to withdraw from social contact in a hermit-like fashion.

Furthermore, both types have a keen awareness of their needs, but take care of them in starkly different ways. Fives generally minimize their needs in order to avoid offering themselves up to the vagaries of good and bad fortune, but in pursuing this course they often end up withered and emotionally dry. Sevens on the other hand are usually anything except minimalistic, tending more toward extravagance, as they fear confinement, because confinement and lack of external fulfillment force them to bear witness to a less than happy inner reality that, in one way or another, they refuse to confront.

MQS