I just had an enlightening conversation with a user who read through the Enneagram section of the blog. They said they have spent a lot of time thinking and reflecting about what type they may be, but aside from excluding one of two types they haven’t made much progress. I want to give my two cents about the issue.
First off, the process of discovering one’s type can last quite a bit. It took me a few months to reduce the choice to either Four or Five, and then a couple of years to understand I am a Five. The magical thing about the Enneagram is that the discovery of one’s type is only the beginning of the journey. The Enneagram is not meant to be yet another checkbox in our bio, though unfortunately it is often reduced to it. Unlike many other personality systems, though, the Enneagram is less a pigeonhole than a map. With this in mind, there’s nothing wrong with taking one’s time.
Secondly, and crucially, often we think way too much about the Enneagram and are mesmerized by it. Sometimes we cease to see reality and we start substituting people–unique individuals–with Enneagram types, and that’s not very helpful, nor is it the aim of the Enneagram. More importantly, when thinking about our type, we tend to intellectualize it overmuch and we get lost in a sea of minutiae. The intellectual side of ourselves must be engaged in the process of discovery (I have nothing to share with the cheap antiintellectualism of the so-called spiritual community), but it cannot be the only criterion.
In reality, our Enneagram type is often most evident when we are not thinking about the Enneagram, because it is ingrained into our everyday behavior, from which we lapse when we start thinking about it with detachment. This is the reason some people say you absolutely need someone else to tell you your type. It is not necessarily true, but there is certainly an advantage to having someone who really knows the Enneagram observe you dispassionately for a while.
In the absence of such a person, the best way sometimes is to just go about our everyday life normally, while keeping the Enneagram just in the back of our mind and occasionally checking in, but without going into overdrive about interpreting our behavior, unless some serious a-ha moment takes place.
Our Enneagram type is sometimes obvious, and sometimes it’s a surprise. It has nothing to do with what type we want to be (I know quite a few people who have deluded themselves into thinking they are Fives because they think they are ‘deep intellectuals’, or Fours because they think they are ‘original and unique’, and or, or or…) Unfortunately, in the abstraction of our own mind, logic can be put in the service of glamour and we may be led astray.
Enneagram Type Four and Enneagram Type Five are, on paper, extremely different, yet they end up sharing a number of similarities. Fours are a Heart type whose main focus is on what makes them uniquely deficient in life and on attracting someone who will see them and love them in their brokenness. Fives are a Head type, preoccupied with security and with trying to overcome their ineptitude in facing life’s unpredictability and problems.
Fives are on the quest for pure objectivity, completely devoid of the dross of personal belief, feeling, hopes and desires. Fours are possibly the most subjective type in the Enneagram, whose attention always goes to their particular emotional reaction to life.
Both Fours and Fives share an often deeply negative view of reality and have no problem facing the dark side of life. Both are individualistic and ‘odd’ by social standards and don’t care if what they do or say isn’t accepted or common. Fours tend to defy conventions because they are primarily concerned with being true to themselves, while Fives defy conventions because they derive pleasure from the iconoclastic process of disruption. Fours are primarily existentialists, Fives are primarily nihilists, though of course there is some overlap.
Both types interpret the theme of aloneness, albeit in different ways. Type Four represents the single heart, with its ability to feel, to explore emotions of all shades and to create worlds of great beauty and meaning, longing for someone or something. Type Five is the single mind, with its ability to think, to explore concepts of all degrees of subtlety and to erect magnificent cathedrals of philosophical thought, only to smash them to bits like a kid would a sand castle.
Individual
For both types it is extremely important to be given space for self-expression, both dislike canned views and highly value individualism and creativity, and both types find themselves by difference from the world around them: Fours feel they are uniquely flawed and are on a quest to find themselves, their identity and their meaning, Fives feel that they can’t count on anything or anyone but their own mind and are on a quest to crack open the ultimate secrets of life.
That being said, there are also a number of differences. Fives are rarely very expressive of their feelings (which doesn’t mean they don’t have them), unless they have worked a lot on themselves, and even then it is often a conscious exercise. Fours are naturally expressive and they are capable of great emotional honesty in all circumstances, even if it’s uncomfortable for others. On the other hand, Fives are naturally cool-headed and always cut through endless layers of emotional nonsense in one fell swoop to reach the logical core of any situation, while Fours can only do so by consciously learning to disengage from their emotional reactions when it is not helpful to cling to them.
Even the way the two types are self-oriented is different. Fours are self-oriented because they relate everything to their experience of life, their pain, their longings, their particular idiosyncrasies, etc. Fives are self-oriented because they relate everything to their own ability to analyze it, without automatically accepting what anyone else has to say about it.
Both types tend toward pessimism, but with different motivations and implications. Fours are pessimistic about themselves and their life, believing they are unlucky or broken or that they have messed up somehow. Fives tend to be cosmic pessimists, that is, they observe the nature of things in a pessimistic or nihilistic light.
Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Two are quite different, although they can share some traits. Ones are a Body type, meaning they are chiefly concerned with autonomy, while Twos are Heart type, whose main preoccupation is recognition by others. Ones defend their autonomy by abiding by rules and trying to enforce them so as to justify their actions. Twos seek recognition in the eyes of others by being ‘helpful’ to them, that is, they try to carve themselves a place in another person’s life.
These different motivations can lead both Ones and Twos to similar activities and superficial behavior, such as being altruistic and of service to others, taking care of things the right way and just generally being a goody-two-shoes.
However, the two types are vastly different in most respects. Ones are dry, unemotional and often suppress their subjective preferences in the name of their ideal, while Twos are very wet in their behavior, being emotional and subjective, and they are less interested in how things are supposed to be than in doing what it takes to receive the love and appreciation they need.
Service
Ones are famous for telling people off (“this is against the rules”) and are somewhat pessimistic, while Twos usually limit themselves in this regard, at most advising you in a motherly way (“that’s not good for you”) and tend to be upbeat and positive. Furthermore, Ones are more formal and rigid, while Twos tend to be informal and almost flirty with others, seeking close contact with them. Ones rarely unclench and are highly methodical, while Twos love to be in a flow in all their activities. Also, ultimately, Twos tend to be self-serving, even though an average Two would never admit it, even to themselves, while Ones usually deny themselves for the ideal they serve.
Interestingly, both types tend to have a problem with anger, but for different reasons: Ones can’t let the choler flow unhindered through them, so they put it in the service of a law (“it’s only ok to be angry if I get angry at things not being right”) which leads them to passive-aggressive behavior; Twos usually shy away from anger altogether because they feel it would endanger their relationship with the object of their desire, and only when they move to Eight under stress can they explode into a fit of rage if they feel scorned, unseen or when they see that their attempts at creating complicity (or codependence) with others are failing. But this rarely lasts.
Both Ones and Twos, though, tend to feel shame after a bout of anger: Twos almost always, because they fear their behavior has made them unlovable and unworthy of appreciation; Ones when they feel the anger wasn’t perfectly justified.
Discovering one’s Enneagram type can be easy or hard, depending on a veriety of factors. There are some who hear about their type and immediately know it’s them. If this is not you, read on.
I would love to be able to say that if you cultivate enough self-reflection you will know your type as soon as you stumble on a (good) description of it. This is not necessarily so.
It also depends on the quality of the self-reflection. Most people have some kind of inner discourse going on. But inner discourse is not self-reflection. A Six, for instance, has a very intense inner discourse surrounding all their sources of uncertainty. They are aware of these sources of worry, but they are not aware of their being aware of this mechanism. The same is true of all types.
Until we have become used to seeing our mechanism from an observational vantage point,* the type’s mechanism is to us like water to a fish: we are so deeply immersed in it that we don’t notice it. In fact, we may even think this is the last thing we’d do. If I had a buck for every Two who told me they’ve never been proud or for every Four who told me they’ve never been envious… Well, buying a house would be much easier.
One reason discovering one’s type can be hard is also that the core of the type is one of the nine passions, all of which are, to a degree, stigmatized, frowned upon or even swept under the rug. We train ourselves to think that, because we are good or right or ok, we cannot feel such feelings, and so we delude ourselves into believing we don’t. Usually, once the illusion is rent, we discover that our mechanism has always been in front of our nose and our passion has been in the driver’s seat of our life all along.
So? What do I do to discover my type?
Well, a good grounding in Enneagram theory is more or less a must, unless you let an expert type you. Even then, it would be advisable to educate yourself a bit so you can make your own self-discovery. You don’t need to read hundreds of books. One or two good ones, or even the information you find here or on other websites, is often more than enough to get you started. Usually, this will be already enough to discard at least one or two types (although, especially at the beginning, it pays to suspend judgment).
Once you know a bit about the core of each type, learn to take a step back from your life and observe it. Look at your reaction to things, people, happenings, memories, etc. Look at what motivates you. Don’t hurry. Your type is not running away from you. You can take all the time you need. Also look back at how you were in the past, both distant and recent. Journaling is a good option, if you are so inclined.
Even the way you react toward the Enneagram can be telling of your type. Though this is not a hard rule, often your mechanism will make you see the Enneagram in a certain light. For instance, a Four may see the Enneagram as a straightjacket, or, if they like it, as a magical symbol; a Five as a nice system to explore; Sevens will often (again, not always) dislike being confined to one type; Nines will feel they are a bit of everything and we are all the same; Eights may see the Enneagram as a useless trinket, etc.
Again, this is not always the case, and usually it is something that is only noticeable in hindsight. Still, it is an opportunity to practice self-observation. But this type of self-observation is not the only useful one.
An exercise in meditation
Meditation is a good way to find out your Enneagram type
One of the characteristics of our mechanism is that it always steers our attention toward certain things as opposed to other things. A great exercise would be to do some meditation and become aware of where your attention is constantly being lured.
Sit comfortably in a straight-backed chair. Take a couple of deep breaths and free your mind from all thoughts for a second. Then start breathing slowly, inhaling and exhaling as it feels comfortable. Let your attention concentrate on the process of breathing and its rising and falling rythm. Try to keep your attention on it.
Done? Well, no. Because as soon as you settle into this meditation, your mind is going to start wandering. No matter where it goes, bring it back to your breathing. However, sooner or later you are going to start noticing a pattern. All that distracts you tends to show a certain consistency. That’s because what distracts you is your type’s mechanism. Here is a (non exhaustive) list of what tends to catch the attention of each type.
Type
Attention
One
Things to perfect, to complete, things that are not as they should, that need straightening or correcting, sense of being wrong, of not doing what you’re supposed to be doing
Two
Things to do for others, how to improve yourself to be of better service or be liked more, how doing something you want to do will result in good for others, how others owe you for your help
Three
Things to do, checklists, projects that will reflect well on your person, either in front of yourself or of other people, finding out what’s ‘wrong’ with you in this Enneagram thing so you can jump the obstacle and get to the prize
Four
What’s missing, what is lacking or you are lacking, what other people have that you don’t, the happiness that you are missing, how unlucky you are, how beautiful life would be elsewhere, elsewhen, or how it used to be, or it might be
Five
Impersonal concepts, focused mental explorations, mental sculptures and constructs, convoluted inner discourses, how much energy you have or lack and how you are managing it or how you are being robbed of it
Six
Things that worry you, the worst that might happen, can you trust that person, thing, idea, etc. are you doing this right? maybe you should double-check, or maybe that dude has it wrong, maybe you need to contact someone who knows better than you
Seven
Plans, ideas, things you look forward to, Things you can’t wait to be doing, how many things you have to do but then something cool happens, diversions, or conversely, things you keep trying not to think about but they keep nagging you, prompting you to to look for a bright side
Eight
Whether you are strong enough or if you need to do something, whether you are pursuing the thing you want with all your might, whether you are wasting your time on something that doesn’t strengthen your position or “fill” you, sense of deflating unless you hurl your energy at a concrete obstacle or against someone or something, need to overcome someone or something, intense desire to go get what you want
Nine
Peace, pleasant but somewhat vague ideas, sense of wonder, sense of retreating from your individuality into an inner space where you are one with everyone or everything, ideas that make you feel at peace with yourself, with others or with the world, but also sometimes the sense of being invisible and disregarded by others
Where the attention of each type goes
Do not hurry. Don’t expect this exercise to bear fruit after one try.
Are Online Tests Accurate?
Ehhhhh… No. Most tests you’ll find online (or offline) will at most allow you to rule out one or two types, something which you probably already know. The problem with tests is twofold: on one hand, they engage only the most superficial side of our psyche, the one most likely to host the image of ourselves we want to believe we embody but which doesn’t necessarily correspond to our more deeply seated psychological mechanism; on the other hand, they tend to ask about very superficial things that can be easily misinterpreted, either willfully or subconsciously.
For the most part, tests are just there to massage our ego (“look! I think I am X, and this bunch of pixels on the screen agrees!”) If you don’t know enough about the Enneagram, they can lock you into the wrong box for a long time, while if you know enough they are futile. I am no one to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. If you feel like taking a test, go ahead. Just remember that your own assessment is the last word, and that if you are still undecided between two or three types it’s ok to work with all of them for a while until you understand which one you are. Suspending judgment is better than committing too soon.
The best course of action is to educate yourself on Enneagram theory, learn to develop your inner observer, meditate a bit. There are also therapists who incorporate the Enneagram in their practice. If they are skilled, one sitting will be enough to at least narrow down the possibilities to a couple of types.
Can you be more than one type?
It is common for us to resonate with more than one type. For the longest time I was undecided between Four and Five (to this day I sometimes feel I’m the only representative of type Twenty.) And even before, all I knew was that I wasn’t a Two or a Six. Everything else was on the table.
This is normal. In fact, it is also fine to appreciate the parts of us that gravitate toward other types. However, this doesn’t mean that we can be more than one type. We come into being as individuals by losing touch with one side of reality. That side determines our type. At our core, our motivations will stem from it. Not from the other types. Not from wings. Not from tri-types. Self-reflection on our core type is enough for a lifetime of discovery. Everything else becomes a distraction.
* people sometimes ask whether Fives, who are detached and are often known as observers, have it easier in finding out their type. The answer is no. There is a difference between detaching from reality and detaching from your mechanism of detaching from reality. Fives are like every other type.
