Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Nine are quite different in almost all regards, so much so that they are each other’s arrow on the Enneagram symbol. Threes are a Heart type and are focused on gaining validation and approval for their merits and talents, while Nines are a Body type, concerned with independence, which they try to scure by not causing trouble with others.
Threes are highly driven, ambitious and combative, and they want to excel and to emerge above others as worthy of praise. By contrast, Nines tend to be meek, easygoing, conciliatory and ready to take a step back to allow others to shine.
More deeply, Threes have accepted a certain image of themselves which has been handed down to them by society or parental figures and they run with it until it brings them validation (or a nervous breakdown). Nines, on the other hand, often suppress their own individuality, their own priorities and their own agenda for fear of it setting them on a collision course with others. This is not to say that Nines are inert: they can lead very active lives, but they are usually undemanding and unwilling to stand out for their own sake.
Identity
Surprisingly, the two types do have one similarity. Threes often fight with the inner feeling of not truly knowing who they are, a troubling sensation that the image they submit to the world for a stamp of approval does not truly encapsulate them. Usually they try not to think too much about it, which is in part why they are so driven and motivated in accomplishing their goals, but when this feeling catches up to them it can lead them to an identity crisis.
Nines can also find it hard to pinpoint themselves, but for a different reason: they instinctively feel that to emerge as an individual with a specific identity or mission means cutting themselves off from an all-encompassing merging with a greater whole, whether this greater whole be God, a social group, married life, etc. In other words, Threes may not know who they are and fear this sensation, while Nines dread having a sharp separate identity pushed onto them.
Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Eight share a number of traits that can make them similar in some contexts. Threes are a Heart type and focus on obtaining recognition for their talents. Eights are a Body type and concentrate on establishing and defending their own independence. Both types are action-oriented, energetic and highly driven, but there are also some key differences.
Both Threes and Eights want to tower over others and emerge, and therefore develop a strong character and sharp and even ruthless strategies. Furthermore, both enjoy admiration. However, Threes want to emerge above others in order to comply with some kind of ideal image of themselves as perfect or excellent, and this image is usually dictated by social, or at least familial, standards. In this sense, Threes are social comformists and fear public rejection greatly.
Eights, by contrast, care little about the court of public opinion and are more maverick-like in their demeanor. While they do like being admired, they can content themselves fearful awe they need to. Their focus is on forcing their own particular energy onto the world, leading it on a leash so as to neutralize its power on them.
leadership
Compared to average Threes, average Eights are less refined and tend to have a “me use club against you” mentality, whereas Threes are sharper and can be more underhanded. Note that this has nothing to do with intelligence (which is independent of type) but with how one’s energy is directed. Eights’ energy bursts vehemently and directly outward, and as long as it knocks down the adversary, all is well, while Threes are more strategic because, ultimately, their source of energy is outside of them, locked inside the social expectations they seek to fulfill.
Another great difference stems from the fact that Eights have a visceral connection to ideas such as justice and truth. Similarly to some other types, Eights feel they are authentic and true and immediately just and fair, while Threes often panic at the idea of being unmasked as fraudsters peddling a scam, even when there is no apparent cause. Neither of these worldviews is necessarily true, but Eights embody their chosen role immediately, while Threes often feel they are wearing a mask and are generally unable to say what’s underneath it, so they hope to sell it well to others.
Both Eights and Threes can be very good leaders. Of the two, Eights tend to more authentically look out for their proteges’ interests, often going out of their way and to great pains to make life easier or better for them. Threes tend to give the good example, and relish in being seen as role models. Although they are of course capable of caring deeply for others, average Threes are less likely to be willing to do something for them if it means stepping out of the limelight. On the other hand, they are more image conscious than Eights, and can teach this awareness to others.
Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Seven can on occasion be lookalikes, so distinguishing them may be treaky. Threes are a Heart type, and seek recognition for their (real or perceived) merits and for their excellence. Sevens are a Head type, concerned with achieving security by filling their life with distractions and exciting projects.
Let us never forget that the quest for recognition is part of our human makeup: it is how we work as social beings, regardless of our Enneagram Type. The same can be said for security and for looking out for exciting new things. Everyone needs security.
Threes, though, are essentially social in their psychological framework, even when they are introverted, simply because their usual way of acting is aimed at meeting criteria that have been set up for them by society or family. Thus, their actions and plans always imply the presence of other people, even when those people are not there. Sevens, on the other hand, may very well attract colorful and interesting people due to how they behave and may enjoy their praises, but they are ultimately interested in filling their lives with novelty and excitement to avoid looking at what they fear or causes them pain.
Threes are status-seekers, Sevens are pleasure-seekers.Sevens tend to have a strong materialistic streak and find comfort in owning stuff. Of course, they often want the cool new stuff, and coolness is generally a socially defined concept, but the comfort this stuff gives them is that they can use it to fill their lives with thrills and stimulations. Threes, on the other hand, want to be praised more than anything else. Of course, in our society, praise is often linked to the ability to have material possessions (prizes, wealth, etc.) but for Threes stuff matters mostly for what it means for their status.
Action
Both Threes and Sevens can be very hard and efficient workers. Sevens usually need more clearly to be in a line of work that stimulates them, but lacking this, they can put up with a job they don’t like that will allow them to fuel their extravance. Ultimately, their fear is of finding themselves in a situation of scarcity and being left without options, alone with their pain and a sneaking sense of void, meaninglessness and gloom. Threes tend to pursue paths that they deem themselves good at. Of course, if they like the path, all the better, but Threes can go down career paths they despise as long as they can stand out and gain approval. Their fear is mainly that of failure.
Both Threes and Sevens can have a grandiose sense of self. In Sevens, this is due to their disconnection (momentary or permanent) from the negative side of life, which often lauches them into phases of mania where they can become dangerously foolhardy and have unrealistic feelings of invincibility. Average Threes are grandiose about their sense of self, which is almost the sole reason, together with social or familial conditioning, why they get into careers or other life paths even if they don’t particularly like them, simply because they are looking for something that will give them a recognition they deem adequate to their view of themselves.
Ultimately, the grandiosity of an average Three does not blind them to reality, but merely fuels their plans, while the grandiosity of a Seven tends pravail in particularly unbalanced phases of their life and can cause them to make grave blunders (again, it is like a mania).
Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Six are generally quite different, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Threes grow at Six, Sixes stress at Three. Threes are a Heart type and they crave recognition of their talent and worth, while Sixes are a Head type and need security and certainty.
Both types are affable, but in quite different ways. Threes are more assertive and want to impress others with the rabbits they can pull out of their hat (the exact rabbit depending on the context). Sixes tend to prove themselves dependable and friendly so as to elicit positive and protective feelings in others while avoiding the dangers of a hostile environment.
Sixes generally want to quickly sort you out as either a danger or a dependable ally, but once you are in the latter camp they will often go the extra mile for you. Threes on the other hand are more competitive, so depending on the context they will go for your jugular if it means emerging victorious and winning the prize. Of course they can be good friends like anyone else, but because they are used to setting aside their emotions to reach their goal, they can be just as competitive against a colleague they are usually friendly with outside of work, assuming the colleague will behave the same way.
Other People
Threes are often concerned with image for image’s sake, and understand that, especially in a social context, one is supposed to wear a mask, while Sixes are terrified at the prospect of someone presenting them with a fake facade that doesn’t correspond to reality. They’d rather be told the ugly truth than be left hanging. In this, though, they can become paranoid and obsessively questioning, in a way that average Threes, who understand the importance of propriety and playing one’s role well, usually don’t become.
Paradoxically, Sixes, a Head type, are far more volatile and emotional than Threes, a Heart type. This is because Threes have learned to suppress their Heart energy, so they come off as cool and collected, like they’ve got it together. Sixes, however, have suppressed their Head energy, so they cannot trust their thinking process and are therefore often prey to strong emotions, so they come off as somewhat insecure.
Ultimately, Threes are focused on achieving status and therefore on drawing attention on them, while Sixes generally shy away from the limelight to avoid exposing themselves to possible dangers. When they do strive for recognition, it is often because they feel this is the best avenue to security in a particular context.
Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Five are quite different and are not easily mistaken. Threes are a Heart type, whose main preoccupation is recognition of their merits and outstanding qualities. Fives are a Head type, and they focus on security, which they achieve by withdrawing from the world and identifying with their intellectual prowess.
Threes are usually driven, adaptable and outgoing, while Fives tend to be withdrawn, aloof and preoccupied solely with what’s between their ears. While many Threes may seek recognition in whatever field they have a shot at succeeding in, Fives rarely care about social approval and in fact may go out of their way to defend outlandish ideas to scandalize their peers.
This paradoxically makes Threes better fits for places like the academia, since they are more likely to be performance-oriented, adhere to social conventions and run with the Zeitgeist rather than against it. On the other hand, Fives tend to be more original and deep, almost deriving pride from how offbeat and weird their ideas may sound, sometimes to the detriment of clarity.
Mind
Socially, the two types couldn’t be more distant. Even more reservedThrees are generally good at reading social cues and put a good deal of thought into making a good impression or being appropriate, while Fives tend to dislike people and their expectations, so much so that they seek to reduce their expectations toward people as a way to avoid having expectations placed on them. What many Fives fail to understand is that expectations are a natural part of our social existence, so while blind compliance is not necessarily good, there is something important about social interactions that Threes understand on an intuitive level and from which Fives may learn.
Both Threes and Fives have a hard time processing their emotions. Both see them as distractions: Threes see them as distractions from working on success, while Fives see them as distractions from a clear and objective view of reality. However, Threes usually display emotions in social contexts if it seems like the appropriate thing to do, while Fives generally remain aloof. In general, there is a “See? I’m hitting all the right notes!” attitude to Threes and a “Let’s get this over with quickly so I can go back to my own thing” attitude to Fives.
Enneagram Type Three and Enneagram Type Four are quite different from one another, and don’t have much in common. Both are Heart types and are concerned with recognition: Threes seek to emerge and be outstanding according to the standards they have internalized, while Fours feel they can’t compare with others and seek to attract a special someone who will rescue them from their misery.
Even on the surface the two types project very different images. Threes have the aura of the winner about them, they are usually at ease in social settings and are focused on good performance. Fours are quiet and melancholic, they easily feel out of place or wrong and are focused on emotional depth and being true to themselves.
Of course, because Threes are so versatile, they can end up looking like other types, especially if we define the types narrowly, like “Fours are artists”. However, Threes are always interested in achieving and doing, including in the artistic world, whereas Fours care very little about performance if it comes at the expense of their ability to explore their inner world. In this, a Three is likely to behave in a shallower, but also more practical manner.
Competition
In general, Fours are at ease in the world of their emotions, and the darker, the better, whereas Threes tend to see emotions as a waste of time to be dealt with either quickly or later. Furthermore, Fours are usually quite pessimistic about themselves and their chances, and they tend to pine about some wasted opportunity or lost happiness, while Threes are pragmatic go-getters who create opportunities and have a high degree of confidence in their abilities and chances.
Threes focus on what’s appropriate, Fours on what’s real, Threes win others over, Fours withdraw in hopes of being sought, Threes feel superior, Fours feel inferior, Threes want to be envied, Fours envy, Threes are conventional, Fours are authentic and so on. Both types can be competitive, Threes because they have been taught to adapt to a standard of excellence, Four because they have a strongly comparative mindset (“You have what I will always lack”) but Threes feel they can beat the competition, while Fours often feel they are doomed to lose.
Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Three can occasionally look alike, but only because some Threes have been socialized to embody certain two-ish behaviors and values. Otherwise, they are quite different types. Both are Heart types, meaning they are chiefly concerned with recognition. Twos want to be seen and appreciated by others as loveable, while Threes want to be seen and recognized as excellent.
Both Twos and Threes are usually people-oriented, but in starkly different ways. Twos need to be needed, so they constantly live at the intersection between their own life and that of someone else in whose life they are seeking to lodge themselves (or at least a part of them). Threes need to be admired, so they constantly seek to live up to whatever standard they perceive to be conducive of the admiration they crave.
The two types deal with their feelings differently. Both are generally positive and upbeat, but Twos are highly emotive and crave a deeply emotional connection with others. Threes, by contrast, can even be uncomfortable with their emotions, often setting them aside as distractions to their pursuits.
Recognition
Both types are capable of self-sacrifice. Twos’ sacrifice for another, however, usually comes with some strings attached as to the other’s need to validate and appreciate the Two; Threes’ self-sacrifice generally comes in the form of dedication to the goal, and the kind of praise that can keep them going is usually shallower or more mundane than that of Twos.
Of the two types, Threes more straightforwardly direct others’ attention toward them, as they live for the limelight. Even when concerned with altruistic causes, there is always a clear egoistic drive in them (I’m gonna raise more money for the charity than anyone else, so the prize is gonna be mine). There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, but it is generally the truth. At its best, Threes put their drive in the service of great causes, while at their worst, they bend every good cause to a shallow thirst for recognition.
Average Twos are more ‘sneaky’ in their behavior. The ultimate goal of their actions is still to be at the center of anothers’ mind in order to have their existence validated, but they do so more subtly, by taking care of the other’s needs while they wrap their emotional tentacles all over the other person’s life, until, ideally, the only way for the other to keep going on is to ask the Two for more and more help. At its best, the Two archetype is one of selfless, giving saint, while at its worst and most dark, it is that of the nurse that keeps the patient ill in order to keep taking care of them.
Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Three belong to different centers: Ones are a Body type and Threes a Heart type. Therefore, there are broad differences between them, although they may have some similarities on the surface, depending on their particular life circumstances. Ones’ main aim is autonomous action, which they believe themselves entitled to only in so far as it is the right action. Threes, though, are not especially concerned with right or wrong, but rather with recognition and admiration.
From this fact alone it is clear that Ones and Threes live in vastly different worlds. Of course, Threes who have been socialized in an environment where morality and righteousness are, for better or worse, the standard to meet may occasionally behave like Ones. However, even in this case, Threes will generally do so as long as recognition is forthcoming.
Achieving
Furthermore, both Threes and Ones tend to be unsentimental and action-oriented, but again, in different ways. Ones feel the need to suppress their particular feelings, preferences and desires in order to abide by an ideal they believe to be more or less absolute. Threes, on the other hand, file their feelings away for later consideration in order to achieve a goal not necessarily because it is good, but because they believe it will bring them prestige.
In a word, if a One is the crusader converting the infidels of distant lands, the Three is the Roman emperor conquering a new province to be remembered forever. If Threes are the competitors, Ones are the referees.
Shame can be a powerful experience for both Ones and Threes. Ones constantly feel they need to work on themselves in order to improve their adherence to their ideal, and may feel shame in front of themselves if they feel they have failed to do so. Threes feel shame in a more mundane sense, as internalized social pressure to achieve a certain goal and improve their performance.
While both types can be perfectionistic, Threes are motivated by the joy and sense of challenge of making others see how praiseworthy they are, while Ones are prepared to go through the desert alone, or even for martyrdom if necessary.
Ultimately, like all Heart types, Threes are not necessarily principled individuals, which doesn’t mean they are immoral, but that the core structure of their personality does not revolve around principles as it does around interpersonal dynamics, and the opposite is true for Ones.
Enneagram Type Three, sometimes called the Achiever, belongs to the Heart triad. People of this type are dynamic, goal-oriented, driven to excel and stand out. Threes are often very aware of what it takes to have success in a certain field, social situation or career path, and they often do all they can to meet whatever idea of success is implied in these contexts. Because of this intense drive, Threes tend to have problems with competitiveness, as well as with authenticity, as they are used to putting their true self and their true feelings on the back burner while they strive their utmost to comply with expectations and to sell an image of themselves as winners.
Enneagram Type Three
Enneatype Three Grows: Move to Six
Threes are the ‘sellers’ of the Enneagram. While in the presence of an average to unhealthy Three, perceptive people tend to constantly have the feeling that the person is trying to sell them something. This something can vary based on the context of the interaction, but deep down, what Threes are trying to sell is their successful, socially acceptable image of winners.
As they learn that their worth as individuals cannot be measured purely on the basis of performance, Threes may at first find themselves in a bit of a crisis, as they are not used to giving weight to much else. However, as they become more centered, they learn to become more accepting of their true feelings and identity, to see others as companions rather than as competitors and to value honesty above presentation.
In doing so, Threes move toward Enneatype Six. Sixes are inherently companionable, they tend to form strong connections based on trust and they put great emphasis on truthfulness and doing away with double meanings and sophistication. This is because Sixes want to know how things really are, so as to be able to trust them.
In their move to Six, Threes often find meaning in the forging of meaningful connections and in striving together toward common goals, while the need to emerge is transmuted into the desire to uplift others together with oneself.
Honesty, the Virtue of Enneagram Type Three
Enneatype Three Under Stress: Move to Nine
The kind of drive that Enneagram Type Three tends to inject into everything they do is rarely matched by any other type. Threes have a sense of mission in them, as it were: they are the chosen ones to be the best, the prettiest, the most admirable, the most intelligent, the most wealthy, the most creative, the most spiritual, etc. (which of these it is largely depends on their upbringing, familial context and personal values and beliefs)
In their most lucid moments, Threes also have a keen awareness of all that they are sacrificing in their bid to excel and outshine everyone else. What they know they are sacrificing is their authenticity, their inner well-being, their emotional needs. There is often a lurking feeling that all is in vain, because even if they manage to succeed in whatever field they choose (or is chosen for them) their inner self is not truly part of it, having been swept under the rug for later.
This often brings a sense to unease, as though a part of the Three were aware of their commitment to a mere facade with little substance. This may cause them to break down or have identity crises on occasion. And this is even when they succeed.
When they don’t succeed, Threes may try to switch horses and find something else to excel at. If they don’t find it, they may become apathetic and lethargic, like unhealthy Nines. Aware that nothing matters and that all avenues for social acceptance have been destroyed, they may retreat into themselves and simply let the world and life move about them without engaging in them, knowing that they have sacrificed their well-being for something that brought nothing.
Often Known As: Achiever, Doer, Competitor, Performer (note that names are as limiting as they are revealing.) Sin/Passion: Deceit Focus: on what’s valuable or praiseworthy Fear: of not embodying what’s valuable or praiseworthy Energy Center: Heart (energy is suppressed) Social Stance: Assertive Key Positive Traits (embodied at their best): Energetic, Practical, Admirable, Driven, Well-presenting, Competent, Performing, Adaptable, Competitive, Attention-grabbing, Excelling, Hard-working, Busy, Organized, Has it together Key Negative Traits (embodied at their worst): Inauthentic, Vain, Pleasing, Performative, Ruthless in competition, Obsessed with the prize at the end, Phony, Shallow, Shapeshifting, Attention-seeking, Self-aggrandizing, A facade with nothing behind Growth and Stress Direction: to Six and Nine respectively
Enneagram chart with Type Three highlighted
Introduction
Everyone knows them. They are the well-adjusted cool kids, the popular ones with the winning smile, the employees of the month, those who are probably going to snatch the promotion from under your nose. Some people simply give off an aura of success, and Threes are those kind of people.
Hard-working, endlessly adaptable and capable of presenting themselves in the best light possible, Threes are often role models for many of us. They embody the ideal of the self-made man or woman who has it together and is going places in life. If they have a talent (and they usually have more than one) Threes are those who tirelessly cultivate it until it makes them shine.
Threes are also very good at picking up on social cues, which gives them the ability to integrate into a variety of environments and be always perceived as just the right person in the right place. And they like this, because admiration and validation is very important to them. You will rarely find them in contexts where there is little chance for them to earn praise.
Inwardly, Threes feel a constant drive to outdo themselves, and they are indefatigable in this. However, in the process they may sacrifice their authenticity, and they may even feel that they have lost themselves by adhering to their character too much. Sometimes this may lead to a real identity crisis, as they realize that the image that they have submitted to others for validation either doesn’t satisfy them or doesn’t match their inner reality.
the haughty peacock, a good symbol for Enneagram Type Three (the chamelon would have been another choice)
Core Mechanism
Threes’ focus tends to be on their image. They are an inherently social type, which doesn’t automatically mean that they are extroverted–they may be, but as far their Enneagram type is concerned, all this means is just that they derive their sense of worth from the social framework in which they move and act.
In this sense, Threes are one of the types that represent humanity at large, since obviously everyone’s sense of being valuable derives, at least in part, from social acceptance. However, the mechanism of a type Three centers exactly around this point, while that of other types tends to focus elsewhere.
Somehow, Threes have absorbed the message that their performance is more important than their authentic self. This can derive from a variety of personal, family and social backgrounds, but in general Threes find their validation as people comes only from either playing a part or pleasing others by achieving certain results, regardless of how this relates to the Three’s feelings.
The obvious message that the little Three got from this is that their feelings don’t count: presentation counts, doing counts, status counts, excelling counts. This realization, deeply absorbed and integrated into their worldview, sets Threes on their path of achieving whatever they believe is going to give them the validation that they intimately feel they won’t receive just by being themselves.
For some Threes, their true feelings are something that they “put away” for when they will have time to sort through them, that is, after they have done what they are supposed to do to achieve what they think they must achieve. Unfortunately, this moment rarely comes, as something more important always pops up.
Sin/Passion
The passion of Enneagram Type Three is Deceit. Sometimes it is called Vanity, Delusion or Falsehood. Deceit is not really a passion as much as one of the fundamental forces that drive human nature. We are creatures of dissimulation, for better or for worse (and there are indeed good sides to this.) It represents the fundamental act of creating a self-image and submitting it to others for approval.
This is done because a self-image is always a relatively arbitrary selection of personal traits that we decide we embody or ought to embody. Because of its arbitrary nature, a self-image is nothing unless it gains interpersonal acceptance so as to become stable. It is not unlike roleplaying, except we actually believe this.
Threes’ self-deception comes from overidentifying with this image and seeking always more validation for it. This leads others to sometimes perceive Threes as salesmen or saleswomen trying to sell them something–this something is actually nothing material, it’s this image. In this sense, Threes tend to try to drag others into their roleplay, which can lead from self-deception to deception of other people.
While healthy Threes can learn to laugh at themselves and their excessive attention to social standards, average to unhealthy Threes are perennially engaged in a sales pitch to sell themselves, or rather their successful self-image, trying to get the validation that they feel they lack. If this validation doesn’t come, the experience can be very hurtful for the Three, who will usually either double down or, if the cause is lost, they will seek other avenues.
Deceit, the passion of Enneagram Type Three
Misconceptions
Among the key negative traits I listed “a facade with nothing behind.” This was harsh, and it is not *really* true: structually, Threes do not differ from any of the other types. However, because of their emphasis on achieving, it is not uncommon for people to believe that Threes are actually rather empty once you peel off the veneer of success.
This would be really unfair. As long as the person does not suffer from some dark triad pathology, there is a real human being under the mask. Unfortunately, this is hard even for Threes to understand, as somehow they have absorbed the message that their performance is what truly matters about them.
It is not uncommon, in their path of self-discovery, for Threes to feel that, once they discard what they do to conform to certain standards, there isn’t much that they feel their being gravitates around, because they are not used to looking for it.
This leads us to another misconception: that of the Three as a machine without feelings, solely concentrated on achieving the end-result. Just like Fives, Threes tend to be seen as unsentimental, but unlike Fives, who are downright uncomfortable showing their emotional depth, Threes do show feelings when there are social cues that tell them it’s the appropriate time to show the appropriate feelings. It’s part of the performance.
This, in turn, can lead some to seeing Threes as inauthentic. But this doesn’t mean that Threes don’t have true feelings underneath the crust of socially acceptable feelings. It’s just that these feelings have been suppressed because devalued or scorned during the formative years.
Wings
3w2 Threes with a Two wing tend to have a sweeter, more pleasing demeanor. Their interpersonal qualities are usually cranked up, and their focus in obtaining validation has often more to do with fields that allow for helping others or that allow the person to feel useful and needed. They can have a stronger sense of community and of what holds the community together, but they are driven to excel within it. If 2w3 is the mom who organizes the neighborhood’s pie contest, 3w2 is the stereotype of the mom winning the award.
3w4 Threes with a Four wings usually stand out from the rest and are driven to stand out from the rest more decisively. Themes of uniqueness tend to surface, although it is still a somewhat stereotyped kind of uniqueness, the socially accepted kind. Furthermore, they tend to project a glamorous image and to have a rather refined taste. They are, in a way, the archetype of the hollywood star doing something outlandish at a screening or on the red carpet to get the first page.
(note that wings can have some minor descriptive power in terms of superficial behavior, but they are irrelevant in terms of what motivates the person. Many people have no noticeable wing, while few show signs of both.)
