Category Archives: Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Six

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Six can be incredibly similar in a number of way. Twos are a Heart type and want to be recognized by others as loveable or somehow to be important for them. Sixes are a Head type and look for security, which they try to achieve by forming strong connections with people they can depend on and be led by.

Both Twos and Sixes place great importance on relationships. Twos want to become important to someone to be confirmed in their identity. They want someone to tell them (and show them) that they could not live without them and that they are ever so lucky to have them. In this, average Twos act like benevolent tyrants. Like Sixes, Twos tend to be likeable, but they are also easily slighted if their sense of importance is called into question even indirectly. Although they tend to be pleasers, they demand that the value they bring to the table be recognized and appreciated.

Sixes on the other hand want to forge alliances with others like them against the things they fear, or if anything, they want someone or something higher to protect them and quench their fears and doubts. In this, Sixes are like an assembly of fearful citizens deciding what to do in the face of impending doom. Again, like Twos, Sixes tend to be likeable, but they also become easily suspicious of people that give them leave (even just in their mind) to doubt their loyalty, because a Six’s worst nightmare is to have a wolf in sheep’s clothing next to them. They can also be pleasers, but it is also very clear to them that this is just a social nicety between good neighbors, whereas Twos are more invested in pleasing others.

People

In general, Twos tend to have a poise, elegance and self-assuredness that Sixes lack. Twos know who they are, although they may not know what they want, as they tend to think in terms of other people’s desires. They are not constantly assailed by doubts, ‘the sky is falling’ style. Their primary concern is with creating a (dis)functional unity with another person who relies on them and mirrors to them who they are, even if that means getting lost in pleasant illusions together with that person. The intense way in which they look at others is a metaphorical mating ritual:”aren’t I exactly who you are looking for?”

Sixes don’t want to be told reassuring lies, but the harsh truth, and how to deal with it. In this they are more frantic than Twos, but they make up for it by being goofy, funny or relatable (Type Six panels at Enneagram conventions are always the ones where everyone laughs their pants off, far more than at Type Seven panels). They often look at others in a “aren’t I cute and nice? you wouldn’t hurt me right?” way. Counterphobic Sixes, on the other hand, may have a more aggressive look, but still one where fear is clearly visible (the way I see them is as herbivores going berserk when a predator approaches)

A Six’s eternal dilemma is that they want someone else to give them confidence, or sometimes even take charge of their decisions in life, but at the same time they never find anyone whom they can trust one hundred percent. Twos, on the other hand, are regal and imperious, and would never accept being bossed around without good reason.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Five

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Five are opposite in almost every way. No one with a brain stem connected would see many similarities between them. Twos are a Heart type, and their main issue is with recognition and validation, which they seek by taking care of others. Fives are a Head type, focused on security, which they seek by detaching from the insecurities of the world and identifying with their mental prowess.

The only similarity between the two types is that both assert the energy of their respective center: Twos assert the energy of the Heart, Fives that of the Head. In this sense, both tend to sacrifice everything else to make exclusive use of their gift: even very intelligent Twos tend to place little value in arid reasoning, and even lovestruck Fives tend to have a logical way of dealing with their partner.

Furthermore, both types have a complex relationship with otherness: Twos cannot tolerate the idea of the other existing without needing their love, help or presence, so they try to merge inseparably with them, creating a psychological unity; Fives often cannot tolerate an idea, theory or concept that they have not personally created, so they attack it until it either falls or it is as good as if they had conceived it (this drive is behind their often sardonic behavior).

Separation

That being said, Twos and Fives are opposite in every aspect: Twos are mushy, sentimental, emotionally expressive, personable and other-oriented; Fives are aloof, secretive, dry, rational and focused on themselves and on what they risk losing by interacting with other people. Twos are giving, although the things they give usually come with some strings attached; Fives are withholding, although on the rare occasion when they share they can be touchingly honest, because they have likely pondered long and hard about losing for themselves what they are giving away.

In general, Twos and Fives value different things in life. Twos value soulful connections, Fives value complex knowledge. Twos need company (at least in their head), fear losing connections by behaving badly and tend to be gentle, at least until they feel slighted; Fives are highly individualistic, iconoclastic, sometimes intractable, at least until they form a connection they really care about. Needless to say, Two and Five are an awfully common pairing in relationships.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Four

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Four share one great similarity: that of being the most emotionally intense types of the Enneagram. Otherwise, they are starkly different, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Twos grow at Four, Fours stress at Two. Both are Heart types, concerned with recognition. Twos seek it by taking care of others in order to be seen as loveable and important, while Fours by playing Sleeping Beauty to attract a Prince(ess) Charming with their tragic and beautiful story.

As said, both Twos and Fours are extremely emotional and place great importance on feelings and on emotional connection. Twos tend to have a positive outlook and are usually cheerful, and are generally the rescuers. They chase the other, arms held wide open, and are incredibly good at persuading them to abandon themselves to the embrace of love.

Emotion

By contrast, Fours are much more familiar with the darker side of their psyche. Being the Eeyore’s of the Enneagram, they mope, pine and hold aloof in other people’s presence. Furthermore, because they envy other people’s ease in life, even average Fours may have a mean streak, as they usually feel unjustly victimized by life and therefore pushed either into the role of the rescued princess or that of the tragic villain (see Jago in Shakespeare’s Othello, Salieri in Amadeus or even Satan in Paradise Lost)

Interpersonal connectivity is incredibly important to both types, but with different results. Twos find it easy to connect with others and immediately “merge” with them. Fours would love to find someone to merge with, but find that they are deficient in something and this deficiency prevents them from being seen, understood, loved. Ultimately, Twos are quite at ease in the world, Fours definitely aren’t. Twos relate easily to others, Fours find it almost impossible. Twos are horrified at the prospect of loneliness, Fours are resigned to it.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type Two and Type Three

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Enneagram Type Two and Enneagram Type Three can occasionally look alike, but only because some Threes have been socialized to embody certain two-ish behaviors and values. Otherwise, they are quite different types. Both are Heart types, meaning they are chiefly concerned with recognition. Twos want to be seen and appreciated by others as loveable, while Threes want to be seen and recognized as excellent.

Both Twos and Threes are usually people-oriented, but in starkly different ways. Twos need to be needed, so they constantly live at the intersection between their own life and that of someone else in whose life they are seeking to lodge themselves (or at least a part of them). Threes need to be admired, so they constantly seek to live up to whatever standard they perceive to be conducive of the admiration they crave.

The two types deal with their feelings differently. Both are generally positive and upbeat, but Twos are highly emotive and crave a deeply emotional connection with others. Threes, by contrast, can even be uncomfortable with their emotions, often setting them aside as distractions to their pursuits.

Recognition

Both types are capable of self-sacrifice. Twos’ sacrifice for another, however, usually comes with some strings attached as to the other’s need to validate and appreciate the Two; Threes’ self-sacrifice generally comes in the form of dedication to the goal, and the kind of praise that can keep them going is usually shallower or more mundane than that of Twos.

Of the two types, Threes more straightforwardly direct others’ attention toward them, as they live for the limelight. Even when concerned with altruistic causes, there is always a clear egoistic drive in them (I’m gonna raise more money for the charity than anyone else, so the prize is gonna be mine). There’s nothing wrong with this, of course, but it is generally the truth. At its best, Threes put their drive in the service of great causes, while at their worst, they bend every good cause to a shallow thirst for recognition.

Average Twos are more ‘sneaky’ in their behavior. The ultimate goal of their actions is still to be at the center of anothers’ mind in order to have their existence validated, but they do so more subtly, by taking care of the other’s needs while they wrap their emotional tentacles all over the other person’s life, until, ideally, the only way for the other to keep going on is to ask the Two for more and more help. At its best, the Two archetype is one of selfless, giving saint, while at its worst and most dark, it is that of the nurse that keeps the patient ill in order to keep taking care of them.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type One and Type Eight

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Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Eight can showcase some similarities, but they are also quite easy to tell apart. Both are Body types, and both are concerned with the issue of autonomy. Eights want to be autonomous in that they dislike having to bow to powers other than their own. This distaste for others’ control is behind the Eight’s attempt to assert themselves and to force others to deal to them upfront. Deep down, Ones would also like to have the drive and magnetism of an Eight, but they feel they need to justify their autonomy, which is why they mediate it by turning into ‘the right kind of autonomy’, i.e., right action.

This is the basis of the distinction between the two types. Both are highly choleric,* but the Eight’s choler flows free and unhindered, in an instinctual and preintellectual way, while that of a One stagnates inside of them, welling up while awaiting release once it is intellectually justified (but often finding expression in passive-aggressive ways).

In Eights, the energy goes outward and others must learn to live with it, whether they like it or not; in Ones, energy is blocked inside of them and they must try to convince others of their reasons. In this sense, while both Ones and Eights can be rigid and controlling, Ones never try to submit others to their personal power, but rather to the ideal that they themselves submit to.

Fairness

Both Ones and Eights often hold concepts such as truth, justice, fairness, etc. dear to their heart. Eights, though, have an immediate and almost bodily understanding of them, as they react with immediate action as soon as an instance of injustice or untruth appears before them. Ones, once again, have a more intellectual and systematic approach to them.

Therefore, while Eights are certainly more heroic, they may fail to be able to make finer distinctions even when they are important, thus quickly becoming unjust themselves (you stole an apple, so I’m going to cut off your hand.) Ones, of course, may very well believe in dangerous ideas of justice, but they tend to elaborate them in such a systematic way that a whole society would be able to function according to them, and they would be the first to submit to the system.

Furthermore, Ones may very well be heroic themselves. For instance, my father, a One, has ended up on the newspaper a couple of times for tackling thieves on the street. Ones, however, know that a single act of courage is not enough to substitute a general, impersonal system of rules, whereas Eights may have a more maverick idea of justice as administered by courageous superheroes.

A wonderful example of the difference between Ones and Eights in matters of justice is seen in Plato’s dialogues, where Socrates, the mouthpiece of Plato’s one-ish idealism, often goes up against Sophists who are more eight-ish in their beliefs, wanting to assert the reasons of driven, powerful individuals as opposed to more abstract systems of law. Of course, the story is always told from the One’s perspective, but it is instructive nonetheless.

MQS

* I use the words ‘choleric’ and ‘choler’ in the old-fashioned way. Choler is just the bodily energy that leads to self-assertion and is behind our ability to tackle obstacles and enemies. Anger is only one of its expressions.

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type One and Type Seven

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Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Seven are very much unlike each other, so much so that they are each other’s arrow: Ones grow at Seven, Sevens stress at One. Ones are a Body type, and their primary focus is on right action as autonomous beings; Sevens are a Head type, and they focus mainly on security, which they seek to achieve by planning their comfort and diversions.

Both Ones and Sevens are, in a sense, idealistic, but their idealism has different roots and different effects on their worldview: Ones believe in high ideals and standards and, by consequence, see the world as imperfect and fallen; Sevens idealize their potential for future enjoyment and so see the world as their oyster, full of cool stuff to be hyped about.

Ones are known for their harsh inner critic, which constantly nags them about what they are doing wrong and why. Everyone, including Sevens, may have a strong inner critic depending on their particular life story, but what’s usually even stronger than any inner critic in a Seven’s mind is their inner Yes-Man, a voice that constantly justifies and encourages their desire for more and broader avenues of enjoyment.

Ideals

In a social context, Ones and Sevens are also very different. Average Ones are generally restrained and somewhat uncomfortable. They may love to try to be more personable and warm, but they also feel that something is holding them back and doesn’t allow them to just relax and enjoy others’ company. Even Ones that have worked a lot on themselves usually retain a degree of inner tension.

Sevens, on the other hand, are people magnets (even when they don’t want to be). They love quick and witty banter with others, and even more introverted Sevens relate to others with peculiar ease, and are often capable of making fun of themselves and of odd or paradoxical everyday situations in a way that Ones would find disconcerting.

The difference between Sevens and Ones is the difference between fun and duty: they are notoriously tricky to reconcile. Unhealthy, stressed Sevens who have strayed too far may suddenly try to save their wanton selves from their mistakes by suddenly developing the rigidity of a One, but in more regular circumstances they are positive, upbeat and open to the world’s possibilities. Healthy Ones, by contrast, are usually capable of incorporating some Seven traits in their behavior by becoming more serene and developing a more positive attitude, but in general they remain tense perfectionists.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type One and Type Six

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Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Six can sometimes be similar, but their differences are even more striking. Ones are a Body type, and focus on how to act rightly as autonomous beings. Sixes are a Head type, and their focus is on security from potential threats and uncertainties, which they try to achieve by thinking about all possibilities and by finding allies and leaders they can rely on.

Both Ones and Sixes tend to be dependable, dutiful and reasonable, linear in their thinking. They usually dislike extravagance and iffy ideas. Ones dislike them because they see themselves as the keepers of the orthodoxy, while Sixes dislike them because they want to try to focus on things and ideas that give them certainty.

Sixes have a marked social component that is not very prevalent in Ones. Sixes appreciate group cohesion and therefore conformity of opinions. They like their beliefs being reflected back at them by others like them. A Six with rebellious ideas tend to like being together with other rebels like them. Even Sixes who appreciate or accept pluralism and settings where pluralism is accentuated want to make sure that everyone is on board at least on the fact that pluralism is good.

Ones, on the other hand, do not need social validation and do not look for someone to tell them what’s right or wrong, what’s true or false, so while they are by no means loners, they can accept that their beliefs will make them some enemies. By contrast, Sixes can accept the existence of an enemy as long as there is a “we the people” fighting against it that can provide them group protection, even if just in their heads.

Duty

Both can have an ambivalent relationship with authorities: Ones ultimately obey their conscience, which can cause frictions with the powers that be; Sixes are desperately looking for someone or something whose authority they can rely on, but they also distrust authorities on the grounds of them either being potentially dangerous or not providing them enough protection or peace of mind. Both Ones and Sixes can occupy themselves with ideas of justice and can be very ideological, but Ones have a selfless relation with justice (“this is what is right. We must do it. Period”), while Sixes want to create a society in which they or those like them can feel safe or nurtured.

Ones rarely question their values and ideals and are possessed of a certain inner certainty about what’s to be done and what’s to be left alone. Sixes definitely lack this sense of inner guidance as they are known for sometimes spinning in circles about even the most trivial matters and are forever drowning in a sea of questions in their search for an unquestionable dry land. Of course, they may adhere blindly to a belief, an ideology, a religion, a group, etc. as a way to rescue themselves from their uncertainties, but there is always, even if just subconsciously, a nagging sensation that they may be wrong, and are always looking for external reassurance that the path they’ve chosen is the right one. Even the most committed Six will occasionally look at someone outside of them with a “This is the absolute truth, right?” look in their face.

If Ones can quite easily play the role of the lone martyr, Sixes tend to play that of the party members getting each other going at a political rally, or that of brave warriors inspired by a great speech their leader made in an epic movie.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type One and Type Five

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Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Five can occasionally resemble each other in that both are rational, unsentimental, emotionally controlled, but they are also very different. Ones are a Body type, and they are concerned with acting rightly as an autonomous being in the world. Fives are a Head type, and they are focused on security, which they get by detaching from the world and identifying with their rational power, which is often considerable.

Both Ones and Fives have a difficult relationship with emotions. Both tend to set their own subjective reaction to reality aside: Ones to make truth and righteousness prevail; Fives to quickly get to the logical core of a given situation and analyze it from that objective standpoint. Fives, however, do not consider emotions such as anger as something that needs to be justified, as Ones do, but rather know emotions to be logically meaningless and therefore unimportant to their survival strategy. Ones on the other hand are nagged by emotions (especially anger) that they would love to express but fail to.

Both Ones and Fives can care little about social approval, but while Ones can stand up to the crowd for what they believe to be the right ideal, that is, the one everyone should obey, Fives are more clearly anarchic and chaotic, and laugh in the face of consensus not because they have the ultimate solution to push, but because they know this consensus to be relative, arbitrary, meaningless. In the end, Fives are inherently outsiders, while Ones are only outsiders if they deem the insiders wrong.

Truth

Ones use their mind as a tool to strategize the best, most moral and most correct way to embody their ideal. However, they rarely question this ideal from a rational standpoint, although they are keen on finding positive proofs that it is, indeed, the right ideal. In a way, they resemble those Medieval theologians who made up proofs of the existence of a God they already believed in anyway. Ones are rarely concerned with ideas for the sake of ideas. They are action-oriented and want to improve themselves and the world. In this, they have a very somber, serious, practical demeanor.

Fives, on the other hand, would perceive this behavior as an arbitrary limitation of their analytical faculties. They are far more playful and far more unrestrained, almost Dionysian, in their rationality. They entertain thoughts and create new concepts, worlds, stories just for the joy of doing so, or just for the joy derived from destroying them, like a child on a beach gleefully destroying a sand castle it just spent an hour building. Fives rarely care about right and wrong, moral and immoral, or rather, they usually don’t let these concepts color their objectivity. Their rational abilities are like a highly corrosive substance that burns its way out of every container: no concept, ideal, belief can stop it and keep it sealed forver. Of course, Fives are also terribly impractical and usually care as little to lead others as they care to follow them.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type One and Type Four

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Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Four are almost nothing alike, so much so that they represent the arrow each of the other (Four grows at One, One stresses at Four). Ones are a Body type and are concerned with acting rightly in order to justify their existence as autonomous beings, while Fours are a Heart type and focus on what they are missing that would allow them to be happy.

Both Ones and Fours usually have a somewhat negative view of the world. However, Ones see the world as something to redeem, while Fours see the world as something they long to be redeemed from. For a One, most things are imperfect and require their guidance and action in order to be straightened out; for a Four, the world is a place of exile, and the best they can do is either to tolerate the pain or to wait for someone to rescue them.

Both Ones and Fours can focus on what they are missing or lacking, but in different ways: Ones feel that they are falling short of an objective ideal, and this spurs them into action, while Fours feel they are missing something more existential, and this lack (which they may not even be able to put a word to) singles them out as tragic victims.

Longing

Ones are usually objective, rational and somewhat impersonal, and as such there is a sobriety in them that is missing in Fours. They deal in terms of facts, albeit facts colored by their value judgements, and tend to be practical. They are extremely organized, dependable, tidy and usually try to take themselves out of the equation when judging a situation.

None of this is true of Fours. Fours relate everything to themselves, put great value on their subjective reactions and feelings and whatever schedule they try to submit themselves to is almost sure to be disrupted by their need to withdraw from objective reality to take an aromatic bath in some mix of dark emotions they’ve saved for a special occasion. Furthermore, Fours may feel that rules are unimportant or beneath them, because they fail to capture the essence of their life. Indeed, one of the reasons Four grows at One is that they learn to be more principled and consistent.

On the other hand, there is an interpersonal component in Fours that is almost completely absent from Ones. Fours feel rejected by the world and envy others, but they also long to be rescued from this state by the right people who will relate to them in a special way. Ones, of course, long for relationships like most other human beings, but their primary focus is on changing themselves and the world so that everything is as it should be.

MQS

Enneagram, Spirituality and Psychology

Enneagram Comparisons | Type One and Type Three

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Enneagram Type One and Enneagram Type Three belong to different centers: Ones are a Body type and Threes a Heart type. Therefore, there are broad differences between them, although they may have some similarities on the surface, depending on their particular life circumstances. Ones’ main aim is autonomous action, which they believe themselves entitled to only in so far as it is the right action. Threes, though, are not especially concerned with right or wrong, but rather with recognition and admiration.

From this fact alone it is clear that Ones and Threes live in vastly different worlds. Of course, Threes who have been socialized in an environment where morality and righteousness are, for better or worse, the standard to meet may occasionally behave like Ones. However, even in this case, Threes will generally do so as long as recognition is forthcoming.

Achieving

Furthermore, both Threes and Ones tend to be unsentimental and action-oriented, but again, in different ways. Ones feel the need to suppress their particular feelings, preferences and desires in order to abide by an ideal they believe to be more or less absolute. Threes, on the other hand, file their feelings away for later consideration in order to achieve a goal not necessarily because it is good, but because they believe it will bring them prestige.

In a word, if a One is the crusader converting the infidels of distant lands, the Three is the Roman emperor conquering a new province to be remembered forever. If Threes are the competitors, Ones are the referees.

Shame can be a powerful experience for both Ones and Threes. Ones constantly feel they need to work on themselves in order to improve their adherence to their ideal, and may feel shame in front of themselves if they feel they have failed to do so. Threes feel shame in a more mundane sense, as internalized social pressure to achieve a certain goal and improve their performance.

While both types can be perfectionistic, Threes are motivated by the joy and sense of challenge of making others see how praiseworthy they are, while Ones are prepared to go through the desert alone, or even for martyrdom if necessary.

Ultimately, like all Heart types, Threes are not necessarily principled individuals, which doesn’t mean they are immoral, but that the core structure of their personality does not revolve around principles as it does around interpersonal dynamics, and the opposite is true for Ones.

MQS